Don’t Believe and Don’t Think

I recently completed a second trip to Thailand. This visit was quite different from my first. Having had a Thai girlfriend before on the first trip to Thailand whom I met in the UK I was on a short leash and felt the pain of seeing all that eye candy
but being unable to do anything about it save for the odd few hours I managed to slip away on a couple of days and visit massage houses. A couple of years later and I have the opportunity to visit Thailand alone without a bird constraining me.
Having read so much about Pattaya I wasted no time and was on the bell bus service at the airport and arrived there in the early afternoon. All the while I felt like a seedy twat asking for a bus to Pattaya but the lady who was serving me was
all smiles like there's nothing to be ashamed of. When I got there I realised the guest house I was in was particularly appropriate with a mirror on the ceiling and a naked picture on the wall.

The stress of my job at home meant I found it difficult to relax for the first few days and the girls at the bar in the guesthouse had a habit of not looking as I passed them just staring into their Iphones, but as I left the bar they would
shout hello at which point I was halfway down the road and couldn't be arsed turning round to say hello back. This provoked an almost animal scream at which point I felt perhaps I had committed a great social crime. In fact the next day one
of the staff said “horrible man”. I decided to move from this shithole guest house at the first opportunity and decided never again to prebook a hotel until I had seen it for myself.

Well maybe I’m sensitive but I didn't find Pattaya to be the paradise some do. I thought it was a proper shithole. Too many scummy twats here, too many arseholes. On a baht bus I saw some African twat trying to short time an obviously
“good girl” who had a normal job and not taking the hint she wasn't interested. A Russian twat at the food centre in Central shopping centre treating the Thai staff like his servants and getting them to explain every food item
on the menu. The open sewers which I think contributed to my dodgy stomach everyday. The first few days were a shock, it was an undeniably fascinating place but I would walk quickly through the sois past the bar girls and they would grab me and
force me inside. After taking a few bar girls I began to feel I wanted something a bit more normal and started going the marine disco every night and making this my focal point of the day, declining the bar girls and gogo girls. I lived a nocturnal
existence in this part of the trip and probably did my hearing some damage with the deafening volume they were allowed to play at. Having taken a few freelancers there I found out I had taken from a pool of friends who could see my room from theirs
which was over in the next building. This bird Num or something who came on to me stinking drunk one night was a “sister” of a bargirl who I had met earlier and who I had made a newbie mistake of giving her the impression I would
see her again after one night but later changed my mind. She had come up to me while I was with another girl one night and said Why? She then sent me texts so I just avoided her bar. Well her sister Num targeted me at the marine disco and when
I kicked her out the following day I wanted to make sure she could get back to her place as she was catatonic and that is when I found out her room window offered a view 10 feet away from my room door. This was the reason she came right up to
me and was all over me. She told me her “sister” was going to Laos that day so I thought it might be safe to visit her in her bar that night but when I got there her sister was there having completed her visa in a day and that just
took the wind out of my sails with Num. I went off to a gogo and when I went past the bar again I heard she had been short timed. Seeing her later at the marine disco she was pissed as a fart again, I felt sorry for her but feeling sorry is wasted
on the likes of her.

The next day I got out of Pattaya wishing they would nuke the place.

I went to Koh Chang but for the first few days I was sick, had a cold or something so didn't leave the room. On the third day I managed to get out. White sands beach has a collection of bars and I decided to explore these. There was
a quiet bar there with only a few girls. I saw a girl playing pool inviting me in. She seemed to stand out from the rest. She was physically big for a Thai girl but not a ladyboy. Not really the type I am usually after. She had a dazzling smile
but had a bit of flab round the midriff. I would not describe her as stunning but definitely good looking. Anyway I liked this girl and after a few games of pool she said do you want to bar fine me. I said I’m feeling a bit under the weather
and so I don’t know. She then proceeded to play pool with other blokes. All the while I was reluctant to up and leave and sat chatting with the bar owners wife who spoke decent English. Eventually I thought sod it and asked the managers
wife whether I could bar fine the girl. She then had a heated discussion with the girl and said yes. I then took her to the disco and had an amazing night and she was all over me. Which would later be a nuisance as well. Anyway we were on fire
in the bungalow but as I was still a bit ill I could barely get out of bed that morning. This girl Dao then helped me secure new accommodation but in the afternoon she got the wrong end of the stick when I told her I had to sleep. She said you
forget to pay me and we parted on sour terms but she did say please visit me but at the time I didn't want to bother.

That night I woke up late about 10.30 pm and thought I might just go for a drink and see her but no bar fine. When I saw her she didn't pay me much attention but was getting on well with another guy who was interested in her. However
she did come up to me and ask me to bar fine her. I said I couldn't because I was sick. She then started pool with the other guy again and feeling neglected I moved to another bar and was chatting with another bird. I later learned Dao went
off with this other guy for sex. She also thought I took a girl (information heard from her network of friends) but this was not the case. The next night I was determined not to pass that bar again but the talent in the other bars was not grabbing
me. Dao conveniently bumped into me in the toilet. I gave her the cold shoulder but as the drink took its toll I walked past her bar again and ended playing some more pool. Then the ice thawed again and I ended up taking her out again.

The next day she lent me her laptop where I could complete work I needed to do. She sat there for hours knitting while I was typing away. She also bought me medicine without being asked and paid for it herself. She knitted me a scarf. Still
I had my defences up as I knew I was money to her but I kept her because she was undoubtedly helping me by showing me the best places to eat and the sights of Koh Chang and she was good to be around, always cheerful and affectionate.

The next day when we were eating she took a call in English, obviously a customer asking for a service. This brought home the nature of this girl and I decided to dispense with her services, the illusion shattered. I took her back to the
bungalow and said I wanted to be alone. She grabbed her stuff and when I dropped her off at her place she sulked off. However the crafty bitch had left the scarf she had been knitting while I was typing away on the computer and I decided to bring
it to her at the bar later that night, another mistake. Obviously I didn't need to bring it back and I secretly still wanted to see her. 5 minutes after I arrived she came back with a big bottle of whisky saying she was drowning her sorrows.
She cried to Buddha she said. I thought to myself you shouldn't lie about things like that to Buddha, again I was reluctant to believe her. She said she prayed to Buddha that I come back to her. She also said she had left the scarf for me
to keep. Anyway I barfined her again for no other reason than I felt a connection with her. We spent the next day together and I couldn't help but notice she left her mobile behind. We had a few cocktails that night and an enjoyable evening
of pool in a bar. This was when the night took another turn. This night in the disco was coyote night and I was happy to sit and watch a bit but I was not able to, all I could see was her head and her rubbing up and down me doing her sexy dancing.
It was too much after a while of politely grinning. I felt people’s eyes on me as this was going on for a long time. She was a strong girl and almost pushed me off the stool a few times. When she bit down on my crotch this was the last
straw and I pushed her off. She then went off in a huff. I was so pissed off I was glad she buggered off. Five minutes later I decided to leave and she was out there by the scooter crying and then walked off. After smoking a fag I got on my scooter
and lo and behold she was by the side of the road crying into her mobile. I didn't want to leave her like that in a state by the road so I took her to my bungalow. She was a state back there and was eager to take her stuff and leave but I
wanted to know what she was thinking. She kept saying I didn't want to make you have a bad time or something. I said just get things off your chest, at first she wouldn't but she did go into her past and a dodgy past it was and I wont
go into that here, whatever, you would not suspect the hard life this girl had had from her outgoing and friendly nature. Anyway she slept in my room but nothing happened, I was still pissed off with her.

The next few days we spent together had similar ups and downs and she kept me staying in Koh Chang longer than I had planned. I ended up losing 1500 baht on 2 separate tickets out of Koh Chang when she persuaded me to stay longer. One night
we were sitting enjoying a drink on the beach. The conversation was becoming looser, I feel I have a knack for getting these girls to talk quite frankly about their job. At times I was wanting her to shut up though and didn't want to know
about the time she went with another girl (2 girls, 1 paying customer) for a short time. Then she made a joke about how she was just after my money. Suddenly again my blood ran cold. She felt it instantly and started crying again. I don't
think it was put on because she was trying to hide it. We went for a meal and then I decided to take her to the bungalow and she knew I wanted to get rid. She tidied her stuff away but I felt it was a bit harsh just booting her out like that.
I was weighing up the moral choices in my head like in a computer game, should I be good or evil. I ended up thinking sod it she's after my money but sod it she can have it. I gave her a hug and she cried in sheer relief which made me say
okay I believe you, you like me. She had been saying I like you too much and stuff like that when she had a bit to drink. She then said “No, don’t believe. I teach you.” Then something along the lines of don’t think
too much, it’s all a game. Still cant really get my head around it. Anyway I was determined to enjoy the rest of the night as it was my last night in Koh Chang. She did after a cocktail or two manage to get me to agree to bring her to Bangkok
with me the next morning. When I woke up I hoped she had forgotten about this, she was lying there all sad that I was going and I recklessly agreed to stay a few more days in Koh Chang. We spent the next day together and I couldn't help but
notice she left her mobile behind. I wasted the ticket I bought to Bangkok.

The next few days were pretty chilled out and we enjoyed the time together. On Sunday night we were having another cocktail and this was the final night here. I had to leave on Monday morning as my flight was on Tuesday morning, when I was
all happy and relaxed she played her trick again. She said I could go to Bangkok with you and I said no it’s too late its after midnight now. Straight away she was on the phone to the travel agent after finding the number on my ticket and
had booked a place for herself the following day. I was cursing my luck as I was hoping to live it up one final night in Bangkok. By this time I was getting a bit bored of the sex with this girl, her fun loving personality being the main draw
with her but in Thailand there is always a better looking girl around the corner. On the trip to Bangkok she was really sweet however and she did visit a few gogo bars with me that night which where in the end a bit disappointing. Far too many
ugly birds and the same zombie shuffle. Plus of course you don't get any attention when they see you with a girl. The next day I had to leave at the airport and she was very quiet the whole way. When I finally left her I found it hard to
keep the tears back and when I called her to check up on her after completing the passport check she was full on crying. She said she couldn't talk before because she didn't want to cry when I was there. I didn't want to leave Bangkok
on a sad note like that and still now I almost wish I had just left her after that first night. She’s a bar girl after all and has slept with hundreds and is continuing to do so as we speak. She had a kid and her body is not what it was.
But in the miserable grey weather in England you think about the grey area customers and bar girls can be in Thailand and how hard it is to figure out what was real.