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The Starting Of World War III

  • Written by Al
  • February 20th, 2012
  • 4 min read


Amazing Properties

It's all about having the right team. You can't start a world war unless you have the right guys going off the deep end. Check out these Iranians who bombed empty streets in Bangkok and you'll understand how we are still a long way from getting this war started.

First the bombing crew has got to get into Thailand with their explosives. No challenge here. I once walked past airport Immigration with a twenty pound stick of American cheese under my arm during the hoof and mouth scare a few years ago. At the time there was a 50,000 baht (more than $1,500) fine for smuggling any dairy products into Thailand. The fine alone should have been enough incentive for an Immigration officer to pull me over for a sniff of my contraband. If the twenty pounds of cheese under my arm wasn't suspicious enough he could have stopped me to ask about the sweat above my lip and known for sure that I was a smuggler. If I walked into the country with twenty pounds of cheese under my arm think how easy it is to walk in with a bag of C-4 and electrical wire… Something that doesn't smell. Rather easy. So the first step was a piece of cake.

The female member of the crew had already entered Thailand days before and had gone into Bangkok to rent a safe house. Pretty girls always rent the safe houses. Second step complete.

Three of the male members of the bomb crew traveled from the airport to a hotel room in Pattaya where there are more prostitutes per square foot than any other place in the world. This is where you go if you are a world class bomber. Your last night on earth has got to be an orgy of sex. It's a tradition. Bombers have sex the night before they blow themselves up and are turned into a cloud of dust that hooks up with their promised virgins on the other side. Confusing, but it is in the book.

So far there is no evidence these guys ordered in pole dancers, heavy drinkers or women who are paid to calm nerves in a most lascivious manner. With guys like this shouldn't there have been an inkling of a hint that they were about to muck up the beginning of World War III? The mission should have been aborted.

The following morning the three bombers left Pattaya for the safe house in Bangkok. They promptly blew up the safe house while in final assembly. They should have died in the explosion but didn't. Another screw up. After blowing up the safe house they panicked like any normal person would, gathered what explosives they had left and ran into the streets. Suddenly there were three Don Quixote's running through the streets of Bangkok looking for the Israeli Embassy and there were tons of cops driving to the scene of a reported house explosion. They suddenly met in the middle of a busy street.

The reports about the first battle of WW III are already clouded in history. I will do my best to get the sequence on paper in a most accurate way. One bomb, probably a grenade, was thrown at the cops. It exploded in the street causing no injury to anyone. Not even a stray Bangkok dog. That speaks volumes about the ineptitude of the bomb makers. The bomber who threw that bomb retreated. He ran away. Probably so embarrassed by the performance of his signature bomb that he wanted to get away to save himself the humiliation. I too would have run.

This reporter is not sure what happened next but he does know that our main man, the guy holding the biggest bomb, tried to hail a taxi. Either his Thai was not good enough or the taxi driver saw the bomb. One or the other. Maybe not. Sometimes Bangkok taxi drivers just don't want to give you a ride. It happens. The taxi driver started to drive off which must have been a real insult to a bomber with such serious intent. The insult apparently took our bombers cool mind off his objective of killing Israeli's somewhere else in Bangkok and formed it into anger aimed at the moving taxi. The bomber threw the bomb at the taxi and the bomb bounced back. I can report, probably with some credibility, that the bomber was at this moment rather terrorized. You might say he was successful in one small way. He did make someone see his life parade in front of him, even if it was he, viewing his own parade. That part of his mission worked. There was an explosion that removed one foot and one leg of the bomber. He did not run from the scene. That is why World War III won't be starting anytime soon.

This just in: There is evidence that the bombers partied whilst they were hotel quests in Pattaya the night before. My bad.



Stickman's thoughts:

These Iranian bombers were total idiots, and a joke. I don't like to be cruel, but any bastard who wants to bomb others deserves to get his legs blown off as that bomber did.