Love, Sex and Relationships

If Stick were to conduct a straw poll of his readership as to their favourite type of submission, then I’m prepared to bet the farm that that the ‘bar girl done me wrong’ theme would feature high in the rankings. Inevitably, such contributions are countered by the received wisdom of the Stickman community; namely that prostitutes rarely make good relationship material, especially where they have been further corrupted through long term exposure to the Thai bar scene (i.e. more than 2 weeks). Such advice is often paraphrased by pearls of wisdom such as ‘you can take the girl out of the bar but you cannot take the bar our of the girl’, ‘it’s all about the money’ and ‘don’t leave your brain at the airport – never do anything in Thailand that you wouldn’t do in your home country’. Conversely, other hot topics of debate include the negative aspirations, attitudes and behaviours of non bar girls, especially Western women, which make them high risk long term prospects (see Korski’s excellent green star submission A Note on Sex, Women and Marriage: To My Son on His Twenty-First Birthday). The Loser's Paradise – by a half-Chinese girl (HCG), provoked numerous responses – some positive it must be acknowledged, due to her temerity in castigating Khun Farang – stereotyped as being old, fat, bald, ugly and perhaps most damning of all a Loser, for pursuing young Thai women whom incidentally she also considers to be unattractive.

Given the majority of Stickmanites are white, middle-aged western males with an interest in the Kingdom; this raises an interesting question as to their options in terms of achieving an optimum equilibrium between love, sex and relationships. In his recent submission Western Men in Asia: Suckered and Duped Twice Over, Korski considers the risk of marriage. He makes a plausible argument that for different reasons marriage, either to a Thai or Western woman may deliver the same undesirable outcome. His conclusion, perhaps rather mischievously, is that if it flies, floats or f**ks, then rent it!

So setting aside the traditional model of a monogamous marriage, several alternative strategies come to mind. Clearly, there are pros and cons to each. There can be no definitive ‘right’ answer given that everyone’s needs and priorities differ. Some men may choose to simultaneously adopt more than one of the strategies described below. It should also be recognised that an individual’s preferred solution can alter over time, perhaps due to a change in his personal circumstances or aspirations.

1. The Thai bar scene

The Thai bar scene offers instant sexual gratification with a variety of hot young women. Typically, a man exclusively favouring this option will have a dominate need for sex with multiple partners. His need for sex within the context of a loving relationship will be minimal to non-existent. There is of course a notable exception to this rule. The exceptions are those unfortunates’ who for whatever reason are unable to attain a relationship with a regular woman. These unfortunates’ are faced with a choice between abstinence, self-improvement or whore mongering. HCG would dismiss those men unable to accept abstinence or to affect the necessary self-improvements as ‘Loser’s’. To my mind this is harsh given that by mongering they are simply attempting to mitigate the impact of their social disability. In my humble opinion these men should only be labelled Loser’s when they become delusional, convincing themselves that they really are in a mutually loving relationship and have a future with one of their bar fined conquests. I accept it can happen – someone wins the lottery most weeks, but it is a foolish man who bases his financial planning solely on the assumption that he will be that lucky winner! This site is full of horror stories about relationships with bar girls, which brings me neatly back to my opening gambit.

Advantages

– No commitments on either side

– The customer is always right (in theory) – it should be ‘my way or the highway’

– Intellectually and emotionally non-challenging – may provide a welcome refuge from a failed relationship or personal crisis

– A wide and varied choice of sexual partners

– Ability to attract a younger and more attractive sexual partner than might otherwise be available through other means

– Age and physical appearance largely immaterial – it’s all about the money

– The bar scene can be a fun and exciting place to be and provides an opportunity to meet new friends and acquaintances – this may be seen as a big plus by those ex-pats newly arrived in the Kingdom.

Disadvantages

– Lack of mental stimulation, boredom and loneliness

– Social exclusion outside the bar scene – many Westerners and Thais will find your lifestyle choice unacceptable.

Risks

– You may contract a sexually transmitted infection or disease

– You may be targeted for a scam or become the victim of a crime

– Falling in love with, or entering into a relationship with a prostitute

– Over exposure to bar life resulting in unhealthy lifestyle choices (e.g. obesity, drug taking, heavy drinking and smoking)

– Loss of social skills due to spending too much time communicating in ‘Pigeon English’ with Isaan farm girls

– You may live to regret meeting some of the friends and acquaintances acquired through the bar scene.

2. Internet dating

The 1994 comedy film ‘Forrest Gump’ includes the line – My momma always said, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.” This is perhaps especially poignant for those electing to use Thai-centric Internet dating sites such as ‘ThaiLoveLinks’ to meet women. A man exclusively favouring Internet dating sites may genuinely be seeking his soul mate. Alternatively, he might simply be looking for multiple sexual partners. Similarly, Thai women posting their profiles on these sites will be a mixture of marriage hopefuls, gold diggers and freelancers. The challenge is to sort the wheat from the chaff, thus finding what you want without being scammed along the way.

Advantages

– Offers introductions to a variety of Thai women theoretically outside the bar scene

– Provides a relatively cheap and easy way to meet women

– Allows you to converse with a potential partner before committing to a meeting.

Disadvantages

– Some of your contacts will be disingenuous about their backgrounds

– Be prepared to waste considerable amounts of time and money entertaining unsuitable women.

Risks

– You may be scammed

– Why do these Thai women wish to meet foreign men unless ‘it’s all about the money’?

3. The two week millionaire

Two week millionaires are holidaymakers, either individuals or groups of males, enjoying short-term visits to the Kingdom and with money to burn. They are hedonists seeking out all the good things Thailand has to offer – especially sex, before returning to their routine lives in the West.

Advantages

– An opportunity to sample the ‘rock star’ lifestyle most likely unavailable in your home country

– The security of a finite exposure to said ‘rock star’ lifestyle without incurring any long-term ill effects.

Disadvantages

– Being viewed as a naive newbie with unlimited funds / a walking ATM / a willing victim by your new best friends in Thailand.

Risks

– Falling in love with a prostitute

– Being persuaded to send her money from your home country (note: complying with such a request is considered to be a cardinal sin by most Stickmanites)

– Failing to understand that certain behaviours’ tolerated in the West may cause offence and conflict in the Kingdom and that consequences for transgression can be unpleasant

– Contracting a sexually transmitted infection or disease and passing it on to your wife / western girlfriend

– Being unable to re-adjust to life in the West once you have experienced all the good things Thailand has to offer.

4. Serial monogamy

A serial monogamist is someone who maintains an exclusive relationship with a Thai woman within the Kingdom, but is happy and willing to end that relationship as soon as a more attractive alternative becomes available.

Advantages

– Delivers sex within a secure and loving relationship

– The serial monogamist can terminate a relationship in the Kingdom without incurring a significant financial penalty (note: this will not be the case in the West where palimony laws apply).

Disadvantages

– Requires the exponent to forgo any parallel opportunities for sexual gratification.

Risks

– A rejected Thai woman experiences considerable loss of face with her peers. She may also have become very comfortable living under your roof whilst being cushioned from economic reality through your generous financial support. Be prepared for a nasty scene when she learns of your intention to cast her out!

5. The Mia Noi

A Mia Noi – or minor wife, may be the ideal solution for a married man with children who wishes to retain his family life and social position, whilst at the same time enjoying sex with a younger and more attractive woman. Perhaps his wife has reached an age where she no longer enjoys or wishes to indulge in sexual activity (something not uncommon with Thai women). A middle-aged wife may even encourage her husband to find a suitable Mia Noi.

Advantages

– Can save a chaste but otherwise happy long standing marriage which would be untenable without sex being available through another source

– Enables you to have your cake and eat it – given the wife and Mia Noi will most likely be aware of each other’s existence and are prepared to accept the status quo, exponents’ are able to enjoy an extra-marital relationship without indulging in deceitful behaviour or running the risk of suffering unpleasant consequences through being caught cheating.

Disadvantages

– An expensive option – you must be willing and able to support two households.

Risks

– Given the difficult times in which we live, exponents’ may be tempted to reduce expenditure by dispensing with the middle-aged wife in favour of the Mia Noi. A Mia Noi should be aware that any man who marries his Mistress automatically creates a vacancy!

6. The Gig

A Gig – or extra part time lover, aka f**k buddy is a common phenomenon in Thailand. Both men and women either married or unmarried, may have a Gig or Gigs. The western equivalent is ‘a bit on the side’, or for a bored housewife perhaps the delivery man. In Thailand, the existence of such a relationship would most likely be kept confidential to maintain face. Indeed, there are special motels with hourly room rates uniquely designed to facilitate private liaisons between a man or a woman and his or her Gig. Each room has a drive-up area in front, with space to park a car. On arrival, an attendant immediately draws a full length curtain behind the parked car thus allowing you to enter the guest room unobserved. Another unusual feature of these motel rooms is that they have no windows.

Advantages

– Provides for sexual gratification without many of the downsides associated with prostitution.

Disadvantages

– The exponent must continually indulge in furtive and deceitful behaviour to avoid being caught cheating.

Risks

– Thai women are renowned for their sexual jealousy. If your Teerak finds out what you are up to, then don’t be surprised if you wake up one morning to find her feeding your severed manhood to the ducks!

Stickman's thoughts:

Seems like a fair summation of the different types of women Westerners commonly meet.