Stickman Readers' Submissions December 14th, 2011

My Take On Having A Mia Noi

Stick has asked for more submissions about mia noi. I think, like most of us in this situation, I have been reluctant to write about my experiences in the LOS as I did not want there to be any chance I could be identified as the author of the submission. This story has, what seem to be, fairly normal early stages and charts what I have experienced. I have read Stickman pages for the last three years and can see where a lot of the correspondents are coming from. I do have enough funds to indulge whatever takes my fancy but did not splash the cash at any time.

I am married but the marriage is dead, and was so before I went to Thailand the first time. However, I am a man with very strong family commitments so still look after children and my elderly mother – but affection and lovemaking are needed but not available at home. I am 55 now.

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I started by visiting Koh Samui for business reasons in 2005. I was involved in a project to build expensive villas and it seemed the project was going well. I had no money invested but had care of funds held for a group of wealthy investors. The project manager was English and had a Thai wife and family. On the surface everything seemed fine. Five villas had been sold and another seven to build. There was permission to build some condos.

I had decided to stay over three weeks as it was a long haul trip. By the end of the first week the manager suggested that we take a trip to Phuket as I “needed to see the country”. We arrived and checked into a nice hotel. We arranged to meet at 8pm to go out for some food. He took me to a great restaurant and the tiger prawns were good. I recall this even though the next stage of the evening involved bars and sexy Thai ladies, not my first experience of pay for play as I had been to the Costa Brava to play golf. The experience in Phuket was so much better. He participated in the fun, bar girls, soapy’s etc etc. He rang the bell in one bar and then we took all the girls back to the hotel. He was well known so there were no problems. It was a humdinger of an introduction, but instructive. I believe he had a mia noi in BKK but also felt the need to play away when he could. My initial reaction was that this seemed a little dissolute.

I have travelled to the LOS many times since. I attended a friend's wedding in Isaan. He met her in a bar but she was over 30 and he was 45. I can report that he now has two children and the marriage seems strong. He has plenty of money and can therefore support a good lifestyle. They live in Thailand.

All of my later trips have been to play golf with friends from the UK and friends made in Thailand. I have always had a good time and found the affection and sex I needed to carry me through to the next visit. Perhaps I was naïve the first time in Koh Samui and Phuket but soon became very choosy in whom I hooked up with. I found the over 30’s to be more to my taste, as long as they had looked after themselves. I know this means they may have been in the business for many years but the majority of the ones I ended up with always seemed to be just as discerning in their choice. Do not sneer, there are ladies like this and you have to be careful and be prepared to move on if the feelings are not right.

In 2009 I found a lady who suited me and spent a week with her. I was prepared to help with some cash and looked forward to the next time I could see her. She had a business and seemed to be settled in her life. I arranged another trip and asked her to join me in a villa I had rented for three weeks. Alas, she said her sister was in hospital in BKK and she had to stay with her, even though this was four weeks before I was due to arrive. I was disappointed but there was no way she was going to join me. I joined the golfing group I was to play with. I was sharing the villa with a good friend who had the same values as me. I thought that any pay P4P was unlikely to be very meaningful as I would not find another lady like this in this town.

I did find another lady who was of mature years (38) and she seemed to be a very savvy lady. She spoke good English and we could talk about many things. The affection was great and we enjoyed each other’s company. We have developed this relationship and initially I was very careful not to splash the cash. I have visited a number of times and we have just bought a house – the lawyer is dealing with the registration when I get to Thailand again shortly. She has a business and will be able to run the house with a little help from me. She does not drink. She has a close circle of friends, most of whom have businesses in the town. I do know she worked in a bar earlier in her life and has contacts in the business. We have discussed the circumstances that led her to embark on the bar scene even though this part of her life is painful to her, and to me. I also realise that this may be a strong contributory factor in her seeking a farang to live with her.

She started life working in hotels. The employers ensured she had English lessons so she had a good grounding in the language. She did have to leave school at 16 when her father had died and as the eldest daughter was expected to help provide for the family. I have met her mother, step father and sisters. I have not been asked to support them. My lady lives 8 hours away so sees very little of her family. She has good reason to be that far away.

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She has a daughter who lives with her. The father is dead. The daughter is very bright and doing well at school – taking extra classes to ensure she can get a good university place in a few years.

My, I admit, few years of being with the ladies of Thailand lead me to believe that you can find a lover, friend and soulmate but to do this you have to be very lucky and spot the signs pointed out in so many of the posts on this site. The older the lady, as long as she has looked after herself; family ties that are genuine; a genuine lifestyle and a good personality; all this seems to make for a more settled life. The cultural differences will always be there but we seem to cope quite well. I make the occasional mistake and am gently reprimanded. I enjoy Thai food of most kinds and she is a great cook.

As this post states she is a Mia Noi. She accepts this but would welcome more time with me or the chance to marry if this was ever possible. I have no inclination or need to look elsewhere for love and affection. We will not have children but she has a very precious daughter. The next pressure point will be when the daughter goes to university. We have talked about helping one of her nieces to get a better education and therefore move in with my lady. I see this as the best solution to give her another goal in what seems a lifetime path of helping her family achieve, and added to by looking after me. My gift is making sure she has a good life being my lover and friend whilst she helps her family – as long as they help themselves. Time will tell – I just hope time will prove me right.

Stickman's thoughts:

I know it is not a mia noi situation, but if there is one commonality I see in those marriages between customers and former bargirls that is present in most successful unions, it is that the girl was not young – often a minimum 30 – when they got married.

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