My Tail is Dun
Hey Stick, I just wanted to take the opportunity to tell you how much I've appreciated reading your advice over the past 6 years. You have undoubtedly saved me a lot of worry, money and heartbreak.
I'll be going home this week and it's not likely that I will return to Thailand next year. It's just been too much to handle this year and has left a bad taste in my mouth. I need a break from this men's paradise. I have mixed feelings about returning home. On the one hand, I will miss the weather and the ladies and the economics of Thailand, but on the other side of the coin, I won't miss the constant gnawing feeling of anxiety in my stomach that I've dodged bullets every day.
The longer I stay here the more I'm outraged at the stupidity and incompetence at every turn and an inability to voice my true feelings. At least in my country, I'm not muzzled and told to stifle my thoughts if I have a legitimate reason for concern or injustice.
Staying in Thailand is always a trade-off. Having to walk around on tea cups is exhausting. Having to worry about offending someone's overly fragile ego is more ridiculous then believing in superstition. Having to deal with boy-size police that would like nothing more than to find an excuse to exert extreme force for the slightest infraction is frightening. Having an intelligent philosophical debate and open-minded conversation is near impossible. Finding an honest women is harder than finding an obese soi dog.
And why do I put up with it? Why do I suspect many of us put up with it? Well, if a man says to me…It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing…I'll lay you 6 to 1 odds it's the money. Or in the case of Thailand, the pussy.
Staying in Thailand is like sleeping under The Sword of Damocles. Constantly being on guard is the only prudent thing to do while visiting the kingdom, but it does get more tiring than entertaining a bargirl after my favourite part is finished.
I'm almost looking forward to returning home (at least that is how I'm selling it to myself) and running on auto-pilot, not being weary of a stranger saying hello, without wondering about their motives will be refreshing.
In my country, things make sense and I know if I change my mind about the shirt I bought three days earlier, all that I need to worry about is if I kept the receipt and I'll be sure to get my money back without jumping through hoops, smiling like a lunatic and sucking up like a wimp. It might not be as interesting as Thailand, it might be Bland-Light beer, but the system is consistent, it works and there isn't a new set of rules to be navigated and negotiated based on my skin colour, nationality and wallet width.
And then there is the women. There is no turning back, I'm ruined with women now. I'll never have a normal relationship again. Variety is the spice of life, but after too many spicy encounters with Thai beauties, there is no going back to suffering through feminist rants on a blind date. It doesn't matter, I won't be going on any dates with women from my country any time soon. Just mentioning that I'm visited Thailand is enough to blow the deal. However, there is high speed internet porn that almost never fails and no banned websites. Yeah, I know, this trade-off is pathetic. My friends tried to console me yesterday with beer towers on Ekamai with the usual, "Well, ya know buddy, there are worse places to have to return home to than Vancouver". It helps, but not much.
Well Stick, I know you have heard it all before but redundancy is the key to clarity. I just can't imagine the pain I would have suffered if I had never discovered your website back in 2005. Ever since the dawn of the internet I've never gone anywhere without research on a place and what to expect. I can't understand how anyone could come to Thailand blind but your website is proof that it happens all the time.
In the unlikely chance that you might publish this and maybe save some other fool from heartbreak, let me share the final chapter of my 2011 stay and another tale of my experience with online dating and Thailovelinks (a site you made me aware of in a 2007 article if my memory serves me well).
It's the story of two girls diametric opposites in personality – let's call them Nan and Jenny.
Nan is moody, bitchy, lazy and sexy and one of the more beautiful girls I've seen online. She doesn't drink and is usually on time or early. She is looking for a better deal and a sponsor. She doesn't enjoy sex, and after she recently revealed to me that her first boyfriend raped her at 17 after a year of dating him, I'm not surprised. Nan has never said a sweet thing to me and I would bet has never told a man she loves him. Nan is a take it or leave it kind of lady. She is also honest and let it be known early on, she is available on a part time basis for money.
Now, she didn't come out and say it directly, but I read between the lines based on her past relationships stories and code words like, "I go shopping everyday."
Nan never even bothered to read my profile or look at my photos before she met me and our relationship began based on proximity and a 5 minute chat on the instant messaging and timing was everything. She is lazy and only had to take a 10 baht motorcycle taxi to meet me while I spent 15 baht for the BTS. So it was convenient for both of us. As far as I can tell she has three interests in life…shopping, eating and playing cards. <When you hear of a Thai into playing cards, run! That is a massive red flag – Stick> She has never mentioned having any female friends. Every time we have sex I have to pay 1000 baht and usually more because I tend to get my ass kicked at Gin Rummy.
We have been on quite a few dates where we just went to the movies with her sister in tow and I returned home alone. I actually don't mind this, and enjoy her company without sex being involved. But there is no free sex with Nan. When she stays the night, she leaves in the morning without a kiss or goodbye. The thing about Nan is that I never have to worry about her motives and I like that. She is a whore, but there are degrees. She doesn't see a lot of guys and she isn't having sex with anyone else at the moment. I trust her because she is just too lazy to lie. She has told me on a couple of occasions about meeting men and having sex, and I have no right to care anyway. Our relationship is business, not about some promises about the future and true love. I pay for the pleasure she gives me, it's simple math.
Now Jenny is a different story. She is stunningly beautiful. When my jaded friends that have lived in Thailand for over a decade met her their jaws dropped. For the first time they were speechless and didn't mock me about having to find girls online or claim she was probably a katoey. These guys speak Thai and have seen it all and are usually the smartest guys in any room they go, so I was surprised when they instantly gave the thumbs up and mouthed silently to me…marry her.
If Jenny announced she was a famous super model or actress, nobody would flinch. She is tall, put together like a French painting and the camera loves her. She never says anything but sugar sweet compliments to everyone. She is engaging and friendly, smart and educated and speaks English well, laughs at all the right moments and gets the jokes. But herein lays the problem…she is too good to be true, too charming, too perfect. What is she doing with a guy like me? I'm not a mess, but I'm pushing 50 and I know my best years are behind me. Jenny is half my age, loves sex, and is up for anything and has never denied me any request in the bedroom – in fact she initiates it. And the shocker is she has never even implied she wants any money. My time and love is all she claims to need. If anything, I'm a complicated and difficult challenge for her. I rarely phone her or text and take hours or days to return her texts. She could certainly do better than me. I didn't even buy her anything for her birthday, instead I gave her 2000 baht and told her to go shopping by herself.
Fortunately, I'm an avid Stickman reader. I'm not fresh off the plane and I am not swayed easily by a beautiful face… I don't trust a single sentence she has uttered and I've called her on it so many times it's pointless to mention it anymore. She sticks to her guns and continues the same stories no matter what. She would rather die than admit that she has told me the smallest fib. She doesn't have Facebook, MySpace, Hi5 or any record of her identity online. She is studying computer programming. No Facebook? WTF!
Her story changes constantly, flipping back and forth from working in Pattaya with her father to going to school in Bangkok, none of which rings true. Her phone is constantly buzzing the moment she turns it on and talks to her father numerous times everyday on MSN and mobile. I've never met a Thai girl, or any girl that talks to her dad as much as her. And I have never met a girl that badgered me so much to go anywhere to meet a parent. Just seems strange that the first time she talked to me online she agreed to come and meet me in Bangkok from Pattaya the next day without even seeing me on webcam and then asked me to come back to meet her dad / lover / pimp the following day. Another red flag.
The other day we went to the Fuji restaurant at Emporium and while going down the escalator she spotted some guy she knows, so she darted down to talk to him. It was extremely uncomfortable as this guy around 50 years old didn't even crack a smile, in fact he looked a little angry at her and didn't even glance at me. I stood there awkwardly nodding hello to his friend while they spoke for a few seconds before quickly leaving. This was a huge red flag. Jenny just smiled and couldn't understand why I would be annoyed.
I asked her why she would chase after this man and why he appeared so obviously unhappy to see her.
Her instant response was that he must be mad because he phones her everyday and wants to teach her Spanish and that she had told him the day before that she was in Pattaya and wouldn't be able to meet him. Of course, she never had sex with him and that she doesn't even like him.
So I asked her why she continues to answer her phone when he calls and give him hope? She said that she is just being friendly.
Just the fact that he phones her everyday and we happened to bump into him in Bangkok defies the odds.
The last night she stayed at my room she received a late night phone call from a guy calling from America. This guy also calls her everyday. When Jenny answers the phone and speaks Thai it is always her dad, and when she speaks English it is always just a farang friend that she has never met or had sex with before. This pattern never changes. When I asked to see his number, without missing a beat she said,"Oh he is calling from a Thailand phone, I wonder how that can be?"
Well I said because he is obviously in Thailand and not New York. The next day she left in the morning. Same excuse as the previous 4 times she stayed with me – her dad misses his little girl. She fails to remember that every time she leaves it is preceded with a phone call from someone speaking English.
Now most guys would probably say I think too much and that I should just go with the flow and enjoy her company when I'm with her. After all she is so beautiful and perfect and guys like me should be thankful she has decided to grace me with her presence. But I'm just not built that way. When I'm with Jenny I think about Nan, and when I'm with Nan I don't think about Jenny.
The trouble with Jenny is that I don't know the cost of our relationship and that is the only thing I need to know. With Nan, the cards are on the table. I suspect that given the choice most middle aged men would pick Jenny and her sweet lies and disposition. And if I had never read your website before I'd probably make the same choice.
Take it from a guy that has spoken to literally thousands of Thai girls online and has been on hundreds of blind dates – gentleman, you are not the only man she is seeing and you are certainly not her first choice. If you are under 30, with a body that looks photo-shopped and rich, well maybe you are her first choice. If not, you might even want to consider that the beautiful girl that is calling you Babe, Darling, Teeruk, believes you to be a gullible slob and ripe for exploitation. If you are not dating young beautiful girls in your own country, don't think you are really such a prize in Thailand. You are only lying to yourself, and the biggest lies are the ones we tell ourselves.
Even below average girls with bad teeth are meeting young guys that are more handsome, clever, charming and more fun to be with than you or me. I know dozens of girls that have been online dating for over 5 years and have changed their name regularly. Girls I've talked to in 2008 now have profiles that make them appear new to the scene in 2011. There are tigers hunting you that have been on over 1000 blind dates. And every last one of them says they are honest and hate playboys
In Thailand there is a relatively new business and it is called internet dating and professional girlfriends. Some play the short-time game and ask for the money from the start and others play the long con with the intention to string you along for years and have you empty your bank account into their pockets, all because they love you more than that handsome stud with the six-pack abs that is calling her everyday and promising her the world. Personally I've come to prefer the honest short time girls. Smell ya later Bangkok girls, it's been fun but my tail is dun.
I think more than anything this brutally honest commentary demonstrates that ThaiLoveLinks has been infiltrated by more and more good-time girls and money girls.
I fooled around on ThaiLoveLinks once upon a time and there were a lot of really nice girls on there at that time. It does seem that all dating sites eventually reach a point where the money girls discover it en masse. There are still nice girls to be found on TLL, and a lot of fun to be had, but probably the best days are in the past.