Visit October 2011

I am now recovering from my last visit to the Land Of Smiles after arriving back in my self-imposed purgatory in central Europe. As the result of a motorcycle accident in Germany, I have five pieces of titanium holding my knee together, which made the eleven hour flight to the “Land of (vertical) Smiles” somewhat uncomfortable, but decided that my trip was absolutely necessary in order to prevent the Thai (Bargirl) economy from collapsing.

PART 1

Preface

After my last visit in March, I received an e-mail from my good friend S**. “Wan say she pregnant and she think you are father”.

I.F. (Innocent Farang) reply “cannot be the case – I always used condomes”

S** “Wan pregnant from your visit last year. She not say anything to you by last visit?”

I.F. “By my visit last year we were both a bit tipsy one night and Wan more or less raped me leaving no time to use a party hat. But it was nice and I have no complaints. I have arranged a DNA test when I come in October. If it is my child then I will help Wan with the costs of raising it, or if Wan prefers, arrange for an adoption in G——-, where the kid will receive a better education.”

Delay in communications due to my motorcycle accident.

S** “Congratulations you have a son.”

Two hours later

S** “I am now in the hospital with Wan. Child not yours – he black.”

(Sweat receding from my brow, but did a HIV test due her contact with a black South African).

PART 2 (October 2011)

Arrival

The flight to BKK with Thai Airways in October was less unpleasant than with a large number of other airlines. The immigration procedure and baggage collection ran smooth as silk this time (≈25 minutes) and a taxi to Sukhumvit Soi 22 on Sunday morning took a record <=35 minutes.

The guesthouse in Suk. Soi 22 was expecting me and S** arranged for my bags to be carried up to my room (Try carrying 25 kg up two flights of stairs with titanium nails in your knee). She then apologized because the lady which she arranged to accompany
me was not available. She had been found helping herself to various possessions of other “customers”.

That was no problem and on my first night back in LOS I just went down to the Biergarten in Soi 7 and found a lady who I know and can trust. We went down to Country Road in the “Tunnel” between Soi 5 and Soi 7 and later to “Bangkok Beat”. Later she helped me with the physiotherapy for my injured knee (she works at a serous massage during the day) and left at 08-00 the next morning to go to work.

The next evening S** introduced me to a lady who was new to Bangkok (words from S**). At first I almost wanted to decline her because she looked too young for me, but S** assured me that she was 38 years old and had already three children which she supported.
There was only one very small problem – she hardly spoke a word of English. This little lady could have won any beauty contest and I (my protective instinct) said yes. As we later went to loom “hong hok” in the
guesthouse I sent her up the stairs in front of me (just in case she tripped on the narrow staircase) and was surprised that she turned right on the second floor and stood before the room waiting for me J.

She was a very good TGFE, but as we went to Pattaya for a couple of days she had a problem with her cell phone. No matter where we were this damn thing started ringing. I suggested that she turn it off – she tried but could not (thank you Apple).
I also tried but could not. In our room we eventually wrapped it in two layers of towels and put it in the hong nam.

In Pattaya we enjoyed the relaxing beach (outside the main season), and evenings we looked through Walking Street and discovered a restaurant almost at the end, on the right hand side (just before the big Russian) which had excellent Thai food (just look for the GI uniforms). Later we were attracted from the sound of “Born To Be Wild” from a large barn like construction with various groups and singers, music which is attractive to my age group, and a large Thai audience.

PART 3

The problems start

On the second night in Pattaya the lady had gastric problems. We picked up some tablets at a pharmacy and I took her back to our room. She suggested that because she was not fit, I should go “shopping”. I now have a problem. I have no problem finding a fitting companion for the night in Pattaya but cannot take her back to my room because I have my sick companion there. I have no interest in “short-time rooms” – at my age I like a bit of comfort.

Of course I wanted a bit of fun so I went down to TQ1 on Beach Road and ordered a Vodka-orange. Of course a young lady sidled over to me within 10 seconds, and I bought her a lady drink, explained the situation with my companion, and that I would not
be barfining her. We just spent the rest of the evening talking (and just a little more) but it was an entertaining evening, the lady had no complaints (I gave her a nice tip) and went back to the hotel room without
butterflying. If I had been alone in Pattaya then I would have certainly taken her back as a “carry out” and can only recommend number 39.

PART 4

Back in Bangers

We did the trip to the Siam Aquarium which she enjoyed. It’s just a shame that the environmental films which they used to show in their 3D cinema at the end of the tour have degenerated over the last couple of years into more of a comic nature which the general (Thai) public there finds more “amusing”.

Day trips outside Bangers were not the “call of the day” because many of the interesting historic sites e.g. Ayutthaya were flooded.

Evenings we would go to eat at various nice restaurants including Gulliver’s, Kannareee on Soi 8 (excellent), and another restaurant on Soi 8 which I shall not name because of the disaster there.

The waitress brought the menu and my TGF had no problem in finding a Thai fish selection which she desired. I like this restaurant because they (usually) have the meat pies which I cannot find in Germany. I am also aware that not all selections are always available and tell the waitress that I would like the “Steak and ale” or the “Steak and Mushroom” (but not both) before she returns to say that my first selection is not available and I must order again.

The strategy did not work this time. I asked for Nr. 100 (Steak Pie) :- “no hab”, then 101 (Steak and Ale Pie) :- “no hab”, tried 102 (Steak and mushroom):-“no hab”, through to 110 (Steak and Kidney):-“no
hab”. I even tried the Pork Chops:- “no hab, but we could make a nice seafood basket for you”. I cannot eat fish because of an allergy and just told the waitress to let my companion
eat and I would drink a beer. Later as the waitress presented the bill, I took out my wallet, looked inside, turned it upside on the table and said “no hab”. The first reaction from her
was that her chin almost hit the table, but after recovering her composure, started to think. It took almost 5 seconds before she started to laugh.

On the next evening we ate the “Ship Inn” near Soi Cowboy which I can only recommend. There was only one little problem. As I ordered a Cider to drink came a “Sorry no hab”. My TGF (Temporary Girl Friend) and I almost pi…d
ourselves from laughing at hearing this, which caused a little consternation among the staff. I later explained the reason for our outburst which they could fully understand.

PART 5

Alone in Bangers

It is my usual habit to make sure that I do not have a TGF during my last two days in Kung Threp. I like to sow my wild oats a little.

Visit to “Lolita’s” Soi 8

My favourite lady is now working behind the bar – no customer contact. She now has a boyfriend who disagrees with intimate customer contact, which of course I can understand. The other “ladies” working there did not appeal to me. So I left a little disappointed after just drinking a beer.

Eden Club Soi 7/1

The ladies do not seem to be as enthusiastic as in the past. Maybe I am getting older, maybe the girls are not so motivated. As Mark and later Bruce were managing the beautiful “Den of iniquity”, I did have a better time. I also admit to meeting a number of other female specimens of the species “Homo Sapiens Siamicus” on this and the next day.

Later

In a quiet bar in Queen's Park Plaza I met a young lady who appeared very nervous but was encouraged by her friends to converse with me. It turned out that it was her first night in Bangkok. She had been working previously in a branch of the “Big C” in K—-t, which explained her good spoken English. The story appeared to be really true because she did not even know the name of the bar next door. She told me that her sister (I know – a very flexible relationship in Thailand) had suggested that she should come to Bangkok and she was expecting employment in a massage. She did not understand why there were so many “Massage” shops on Soi 22. I explained the difference between “massage” and “Massage”.

Being a gentleman, I asked her if she would like to go out with me and see a little of the Bangkok nightlife. She agreed and went off to change her clothing as she thought that her attire was perhaps a little too provocative for the street (it was actually
quite conservative). We first went along to the Country Road”in the Tunnel between Soi 5 and Soi 7 where she was delighted to hear the performance of the group who sang a mixture
of rock classics and a couple of Thai songs. She was a little surprised as I asked her which songs she liked and just made a gesture of sniffing something into my nose which caused
the group to play “Cocaine” or just moving my hands as though they were on the controls of a motersai, to which hey responded to with “Born to be Wild”.
We later returned to her bar for a short time where she was congratulated on her first barfine. The rest of the night in loom hong hok was very pleasant, and I had the feeling that
we BOTH had fun. On the next evening she just wanted to go along to Country road and nowhere else, prior to a very enjoyable last night in Bangkok.

Postscript

Back in beautiful Autumn Europe, I received an e-mail from Thailand:-

“Hi I.F. (real name deleted by author),

I hope you arrived home safety and happy to see family and friends.. I miss you already and hope is all well with you..

Was thinking that when will see each other.. I hope you take good care of yourself.

Miss you so much and have a nice day…

All the bests xxxx

(Name deleted by author)

I just have little problem with it. I don’t know which of the Ladies sent it !

They all used a “nickname” but the e-mail was signed with a “real” name.

Was it Thon or Miow of Wenn or……?