Readers' Submissions

Told You So 12 – Cool, Calculating and Hedging Her Bets



This is the ongoing saga of my separation and pending divorce from my ‘good girl’ Filipina wife here in the UK. I report it as I do because it’s a fairly unusual story in that rather than the more normal ‘I heard no more from my SEA lady’ I know more or less day by day what she’s doing with whom. She’s moved in with a new boyfriend and is now living with him in his house – together with his ex-partner and a very vulnerable child. New boyfriend and his ex-partner are now going through difficult custody proceedings. My estranged Filipina wife thinks I believe what she told me – that’s she’s renting a small room in a house with a colleague from the nursing home where she works. Just for now, I go along with this, but it’s a bit surreal. I am happy to wait for the divorce to get sorted out and/or her deportation, but I have to say that I find the continuing lies and deception almost incredible.

Five days ago, she called me. (I never initiate contact now), using her ‘injured little girl’ voice. She’d remembered that my new grand-daughter was due a couple of days earlier and this was the ostensible reason for her call. I gave her the update and it went on from there.

‘Are you happy?’

‘Yes thanks.’

‘I’m glad. It doesn’t matter if I’m not happy as long as you are. Have you got a new girlfriend now?’

‘No, I’m not interested at the moment, I just want to get this mess sorted out’.

‘I know you are just divorcing me because you want to be with your new girlfriend.’

‘No, I’m divorcing you because of your behaviour. I explained it to you, I warned you, and I gave you every chance.’

‘I hope you have a happy Christmas’.

‘You too, but it’s only November.’

‘I hope I have no more problems in my life. I am on my own now, and it is hard to accept my past problems. Now I have to think about Immigration and my job because you got the police involved. It’s your fault.’

‘No, it was your behaviour that was to blame.’

‘When I married you I thought you were a good man I would be with all my life. You did not give us enough chance.’

‘I gave it more than two years. I did all I could for you, I explained it to you. You had your chance.’

‘I’m trying to stand on my own again.’

‘Good for you, good luck.’

‘If I find somebody else and I marry again, is that OK with you?’

‘Once the divorce is through, you can marry anybody you want, and I wish you well.’

Heart-wrenching stuff (especially with the little-girl voice) until you learn that the new boyfriend was within a few feet of her as she was having this conversation.

I found during my time with her that the important nugget of information was always hidden in amongst the rest of the conversation. My (cynical) guess is that she was checking whether she would be allowed to remarry and what effect that might have on her immigration status. Bear in mind that she as a Filipina has no experience or knowledge of divorce – it doesn’t exist in the Philippines.

Two days later, all was not well in her new paradise. New boyfriend was consoling her that ‘lots of people are worse off than us, don’t worry, I can sort it out for us’. (True enough, many people are worse off than him, with an estimated net worth of GBP500,000. Not for long, maybe.)

The next day, new boyfriend spoke to Filipina’s son back in the Phils by telephone. He told the son that he would love to visit him and the rest of the family just as soon as he could and in the meantime the son and the family shouldn’t worry because he promised to ‘take care of’ and ‘look after’ her, because he loved her so much.

That was two days ago. Today (22 November) I received two text (SMS) messages ten minutes apart from her. Here they are:

‘Hi … I’m glad to know that you’re very lucky and happy .. glad to let you know that I’m lucky too ‘coz I’m still alive struggling to survive … take care always too’.

‘And I have to fight and get rid of the feelings towards you and not to ruin my life from our memories … I’m trying all the best I can not to look back although very difficult for me … looking forward for my recovery … after all .. I still love you Mr. (my full name)’

Touching, of course, until you learn that even within a very substantially-built house the ‘sounds of passion’ are evident and that new boyfriend walks around his work with a smile on his face and is happy to explain why …

Just to re-confirm, this Filipina is a ‘good girl’ (or at least presents herself as such). Her new boyfriend is a far better catch than me (i.e. older and wealthier). So why does she take these risks and contact me as she does, saying the things she does, when everything I know suggests that new boyfriend would drop her like a hot potato if he found out?

I can only guess the answer. She is an SEA ‘lady’. Whether by experience, education, or some ‘built-in’ genetics she knows how to ‘hedge her bets’. Maybe she feels that should things go wrong with her new ‘number 1 best chance’ she should keep playing her ‘fall back position’ – just in case. Who knows?

Tomorrow is the initial custody ‘mediation hearing’ regarding the custody of the vulnerable child. New boyfriend may hear things about his new Filipina sweetheart he would rather not know.

I went for a haircut today. I’ve known my barber guy for many years and we got chatting. He’s met my estranged wife. This is a small town. He’s got a couple of other customers who are or were married to Filipinas. I told him we were divorcing and mentioned ‘jealousy and suspicion’. Even in a town of 12,000 it appears I’m not alone.


Stickman's thoughts:

This woman really is quite incredible. And totally delusional!