Readers' Submissions

Told You So 10 – Ramping It Up A Notch



I seem to be submitting these pieces as often as Stick writes his Weekly Column, but that’s the only comparison I’d make. My purpose is to explain just how devious a ‘good’ Filipina (estranged) wife can be. She’s not young (46 but looks ten years younger), has never been (as far as I know) in the ‘industry’. It’s therapeutic for me and I hope that it may be instructive for others – but as all regular readers of Stick know, no matter how much we read here we insist on making our own mistakes and only some of us learn from them.

If you’ve read my previous submissions (and I know some have because of the feedback I’ve received, thanks for all of it) skip the next bit because I include it to comply with Stick’s rule that each submission must stand alone.

In May 2009, I married (in Cyprus, where I was living as an ex-pat, in haste – because of her immigration status) a Filipina. After 18 months of hard work and not inconsiderable expense I was able to get her a UK entry visa (EEA Family Permit) which gave her indefinite right to stay and work in the UK. We arrived here just before Christmas 2010.

By mid-July 2011, I had filed for divorce (unreasonable behaviour), she had a criminal conviction for assault (knife attack on me), and I moved out of our rented home – continuing to pay the rent and all bills. She had a ‘minimum wage’ job as a carer in a Nursing Home earning about GBP 1100-1200 a month net.

After I filed for divorce she consulted a local law firm (by chance?, no probably not) which happens to be the most anti-male in the area for divorce purposes. After some negotiation, I agreed not to pursue the divorce too rigorously until December 2011 (which I believe she thought may make a difference to her Immigration status) as long as she vacated ‘our house’ by 30 September 2011. She did, and only later did I find out that not only by then was she living with her new boyfriend but he’d stayed in my house for most of her last two weeks here.

Her new boyfriend (I find it strange to use that term for a 66 year old man) has a long-term partner living with him, and their 5 year old very vulnerable mentally disabled child. Custody Orders etc. are going through the courts now.

I am in contact with the ‘long-term partner’ who is fighting to get/keep custody of her child.

That’s the background. Read the previous submissions if you want more, but it’s not a happy story.

I am in very regular phone contact with the ‘long-term partner’ (she is, very astutely, keeping a daily written record, of all that goes on regarding the ‘Filipina Princess’ or ‘it’ or ‘The Weasel’ as she refers to her) and with the ‘FP’).

I am happy to supply information to the ‘long-term partner’ about every phone call from FP, my efforts with the UK Border Agency, etc. Why? Because while it is a matter of indifference to me what happens to FP (and the ‘boyfriend’), and while ‘long-term partner’ is an adult and can look out for herself (she actually feels sorry for the ‘boyfriend’ and I have some sympathy for her view) I feel that FP is on her way to destroying or at the least severely damaging the life of an especially vulnerable child. I will not forgive or allow that. I am a grandfather (although I feel far too young). My grand-daughter (2) has, apparently and I fervently hope, forgotten the ‘Lola’ (Tagalog for grandmother I so mistakenly introduced her to), and I have other grandchildren due soon (one in the next few days, another in a couple of months).

The hardest thing for me is deception. After all these years, I’d rather be upfront and honest, and ‘take me or leave me’. As far as FP knows, I believe that she’s renting a room from a female colleague. In fact, she’s living a life of luxury in a large GBP 350,000 house with a very rich ‘boyfriend’ who caters for her every whim. She has a net disposable income of more than GBP 1,100 a month. When she wants to go shopping, which she does frequently (and not only clothes, cosmetics, handbags and shoes) her new boyfriend takes her. I don’t know the full extent, but a guess of GBP 10,000 to include kitchen appliances wouldn’t be far off.

So when she calls me, from her ‘isolated’ rented room in a small village far from town, I have to be careful. She ‘needs’ a ride into town, to go shopping, just to make her ‘isolated’ life a bit more bearable, just to buy a ‘few things’ for her solitary room. Dear reader, unless you are someone far more wealthy than me and someone outside of the ‘normal’ scale of things, you will not appreciate the ‘reality’ of her life just now. Far beyond anything she may have dreamed of, of that I’m sure.

Last week, she called me several times. She was due to have a day off on Friday (boyfriend, who works as a handyman at the Home and is known as ‘Daddy’ by Filipinas who work there, was working). I replied that I was working, couldn’t pick her up etc. The ‘answer phone’ messages in the little girl voice, and of course, the usual stuff about ‘I miss you, you eating OK, take care of yourself’, were all there. And all, to be honest, a complete load of crap.

(I’ve just re-read the hopeful and optimistic submission I sent to Stick when I married this woman. I am not generally masochistic but perhaps I was looking for the nearest wall to bang my head against (it feels so good when you stop). Was I stupid, bamboozled, naive, or what? Yes, is the answer.)

Hidden in the midst of the phone calls, she asked me whether I’d heard from my lawyer anything more about ‘our problem’. ‘What problem?’ I asked. The divorce, she was referring to. For once, my brain worked quickly. She’d asked me to delay the divorce proceedings until December (she wrongly thought it would help her Immigration status). Now, knowing that the Custody Hearing for the vulnerable child is in a couple of weeks time and (in my opinion believing that she has new boyfriend on the end of her baited hook) she wants to get the divorce through as quickly as possible. I told her ‘don’t worry, we’ll delay the divorce as long as we can, just as you asked’. I called my lawyer (an old school friend) and explained the situation to him. No quick divorce/remarriage is on the cards for her.

Now a quick reference to other submissions. One is about money. I gave some views about ‘disposable income’. One correspondent suggested I was too pessimistic. I still take the view that anyone in the UK at the moment with a few hundred GBP ‘disposable’ income, i.e. after all compulsory bills and spending, isn’t doing too badly. By my calculations, FP has about GBP 5,000 ‘disposable income’ in the last six months so she’s doing OK (far better than me, who’s been paying the bills).

Second, the nature of my ‘sweet’ FP who I so glowingly wrote about in my (much) earlier submissions and even included a wedding photo. Well, I found out too much later that this sweet innocent ‘good girl’ FP was having an affair with a married CY man (with two small kids) ‘just before’ or maybe ‘contemporaneously’ for the cynics before I met her. I was introduced to her, as I’ve said before, by a Filipina who I trusted and who I thought was a good friend.

To bring things right up to date – and to really reveal the true character of FP – this is the current situation. When FP moved in with her ‘boyfriend’, the vulnerable child and the child’s mother, she took all steps to remove signs of the child’s presence from ‘her’ domain. She filled ‘her’ rooms (it’s a big house) with her ornaments (tat and crap, some have described it but those who have lived with Filipinas will know what I mean). Photos and evidence of the vulnerable child were moved.

In the main bathroom of the house was evidence of the vulnerable child – changing mat, nappies (diapers) etc. FP moved these out and replaced them with her creams, lotions and potions. FP apparently made it clear that she regarded the vulnerable child as a hindrance to her plans, an encumbrance.

In the last few days, there’s been a change. Boyfriend has been briefing her in advance of the Custody hearing (documented). Suddenly, she loves this vulnerable child and is all cuddles and smiles.

Yesterday, I received a text (SMS) message from the child’s mother. She seems to be a good (and strong) woman with her daughter’s best interests at heart. This what it said. ‘You would have thought the first day it (FP) moved in would have been the hardest but I am surprised to say that it is getting harder by the day! It kills me to see it (FP) having contact with (vulnerable child).’

I report this as I see it, dear reader. FP has her plan and is probably far more knowledgeable about UK visas and the like than I ever suspected.

She thinks, perhaps, that an SEA woman she can take me, and the others she meets, for fools. She has done, in the past, I freely admit. What she doesn’t realise is that she’s now on my home turf. For example, my sister-in-law, one of 17 children from a farming background in this county, knows more of the ‘new boyfriend’ than probably even he does.

‘Long-term partner’ called me a couple of days ago. She’d encountered a police car in one of the very narrow lanes around their home and had to back-up. As you do round here, they’d got out of the cars and got talking. The police officer was a friend of mine (25 years+) and they shared some stories. She told him of FP, he sent his regards to me. This is a very rural area.
FP is doing her best, pursuing her plan. She won’t succeed, though she’s trying her best. I have nothing to lose – she does.
This update is submitted, as always, in the hope that the story will encourage others to think hard before it’s too late. My FP was not what she seemed, and your FP or TGF may not be either.

Stickman's thoughts:

I can’t wait for the episode where you tell us that her house of cards has collapsed. I am all for people trying to make a better life for themselves and others, but not the way FP has done so by causing so much grief for others.