Stickman Readers' Submissions November 3rd, 2011

Point, Counter Point

So all the talk lately is of how farangs are taking advantage of all the ‘good’ Thai girls. Well, I just want to add my two cents. I’ve been with a ‘good’ Thai girl now for five years, and I had a different perspective
than what people are writing about the dating websites.

First, a little about my relationship: I met my girlfriend five years ago on Khao San Road when she was a university student. She was twenty one at the time, I was twenty eight, so a seven year age difference. She spoke no English, I spoke
very little Thai. Her friend translated for us – then, and on our first date a few days later. I won’t get into the intimate details of our relationship except to say it was about a month before we slept together and I was her first
farang (she had one Thai boyfriend for 8 years before me). She was just graduating university, and went on to get her master’s degree (I helped pay). So she’s well educated, although she comes from a poor background. (I’ve
met the family many times and they are great, so no problems there), I loved her (still do) and all was well the first few years.

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Fast forward five years later, and we’re still together, but it’s been off and on for the past couple years. I lived in Thailand for the first few years, and lived with her, but I’ve since moved around for work (overseas
and the States).

Here’s the thing, though. She’s now twenty-six, I’m thirty-three, and we have no plans for marriage. I think I’m ready, but I can’t get her out of the mentality of a teenager i.e. wants to go out all the
time, flirt with guys, etc. Now, I’m not really the jealous type, but she has profiles on Thai Love Links and some other dating sites (although she has shut down TLL). I mean, back when I was twenty-eight, I was non-committal, too, and
wanted to see other people, but that was five long years ago…

Anyway, I’ve seen it with other friends who got involved with twenty-something ‘good’ girls. Another buddy of mine’s fiancé is twenty five and she suddenly has cold feet about marriage, and wants to go out to the club
all the time. I mean, twenty years ago twenty five in Asia was ancient! Now these girls want to play the dating game for as long as possible, it seems. Times are changing.

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All of my girlfriend’s friends, some of whom are in their late twenties and early thirties, all educated with wealthy families, still juggle guys and are off and on with different guys (Thai and farang) all the time. So while, yes,
I think that there are still girls out there with traditional Thai values it is definitely not the norm. And I, for one, don’t think the real conservative girls are out there playing the online dating game anyway. I know for a fact that
my girlfriend has me and still had a profile on TLL for many years, and although she didn’t meet any of the guys she still responded to messages…I guess I just don’t get it, the whole appeal to the online thing, maybe because I’ve
never done it. To me, it seems like the girls want to play games, and the guys want to get laid. I’m not sure if you could make anything work from it (I lived in Thailand for over three years and never heard of a successful relationship
coming out of TLL).

Really, the most successful relationships I saw in my time in Thailand were guys who got involved with a thirty-something professional and got married and had a family right away. It just seems like the younger generation of Thai girls is
non-committal about things like marriage and family.

To me, sites like TLL seem to be just for fun, and both parties know it…the girls I’ve talked to certainly know it, and do it just for the attention, and the guys I know try to play the game and a lot of them end up getting laid
but I don’t think you can put the onus on them for that – they were just playing along! Now, I say this with the caveat that the guys still should treat the girls well and show them respect, but in my opinion I don’t think
many long term relationships develop from online sites and the girls should know that by now.

Me, I’m not really sure what to do (wait until my girlfriend turns 30???), but I do love my girlfriend and she speaks openly and honestly to me about these things and I do appreciate the honesty she brings, but still…do I want to
wait around another couple years until she’s ready??? Maybe, but who knows.

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I just think the twenty-something’s in Thailand – while they are sweet, caring girls – want to play around more than most guys
think. For many this comes as a harsh revelation, but in the words of Cindy Lauper, those
‘good’ girls just want to have fun, too!

Stickman's thoughts:

I think what you say has much truth for a lot of women in Bangkok, but around the country, and in more conservative Bangkok parts of society, it's not the case. For sure, there are local women more free and easy than they used to be.

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