Readers' Submissions

Why Do We Do It?



I have recently returned to the Stick site as a contributor, telling the story of my marriage to a Filipina and incorporating therein what I hope may be useful lessons I have learned along life’s often twisted pathway. That story will be continued as long as Stick deems the submissions worthy of publication.

Having just regained tenancy of my house, and trying to put my life in some sort of order pending the divorce of my Filipina Princess and myself, I’ve got to thinking. Nothing more than that – nothing too philosophical, just thinking. The title of this submission suggested itself as two strands of thought came together.

Why Do We Do It – Submissions to Stick.

I think by now most of us realise that what goes on the internet stays on the internet – in other words anything we post here may be accessible at some future date and completely out of context. That doesn’t worry me at all, but it could be a problem for some people.

Why would it be that so many of us who contribute submissions here are prepared to lay their souls bare, admit to behaviour that would put them ‘beyond the pale’ in their own societies or at least put them outside the experience and understanding of people in their families, wider circles and countrymen?

Why are we so ready to admit our mistakes, and the consequences of them, when in ‘Western’ societies at least there is a tendency to hide or minimise our cock-ups?

There are, no doubt, a number of contributors who are proud of their ‘conquests’ and their sexual stamina.. Some wish to display their ‘inside knowledge’ as experienced practitioners of ‘the scene’. Good for them, and if it helps them to make themselves feel better, who am I to object?

Some contributors give us a useful and always very readable insight into everyday life in LOS. (There but for fortune went I).

Some contributions, I must confess, pass me by – either because of the style of writing or the rants.

So, why do I contribute, and why do I enjoy the contributions of others? Here I must put aside the narcisstic pleasure many have in writing something that will be published for others to see. I am not immune from this.

The Stick site is often referred to as a ‘community’ – one which can be joined by simply following it and keeping up with what goes on. There’s a lot of research which suggests that however individual we wish to be and however much we display the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ mentality most of us are more comfortable when we are part of a like-minded group. The ‘Stick Community’ seems to be a fairly broad coming together of views, attitudes and experiences and there are, to be sure, many wide-ranging attitudes and experiences. But I, for one, feel part of the ‘community’ and my experiences of feedback suggest that I am not alone.

Perhaps not the least quality of this community is that it is, by and large, rarely judgemental. I know that in some of my dealings with SEA women I have acted like a complete twat. More than I am prepared to admit to my family and children, with whom I am normalyy completely open. I am prepared to accept these failings in my submissions because I know that my failings are likely to be understood and because it’s likely that someone will have been even more daft than I was. (It’s a bit like the old days when you were lined up outside the Headmaster’s office when you knew you were going to get the cane. It didn’t seem to hurt so much when you knew others were in the same boat).

Making this personal, why am I prepared to share things in submissions to the Stick site that I probably wouldn’t share to my closest friends or family in real life? Probably because here I feel a sense of community, whose members have experienced what I have (or worse) and can at least have some understanding. And those who wish to denigrate, I can ignore.

Why Do We Do It – Falling in Love

Falling in love is, no doubt, my problem. It’s documented here in my experiences with a former TGF and in the ongoing story of my Filipina wife. I can’t seem to help it, it’s hardwired, and I must just learn to deal with it.

Just an aside, but is the ‘falling in love’ syndrome connected with the ‘white knight rescuing a damsel in distress’ syndrome? I don’t know, but I seem to suffer from both.

To bring this back to earth a little, I found during my forays into P4P in Spain that my best experiences were always when your new ‘best friend’ had enjoyed (or at least seemed to enjoy) your experience and was happy to have a beer with you (rather than a ‘lady drink). There was a young lady wearing pink leather thigh-high boots who asked whether she should remove them for the deed to be done. Our limited communication ensured that she didn’t. We had (I hope) mutual respect, a laugh and shared a cigarette afterwards.

I’m just in the process of reading ‘The God Delusion’ by Richard Dawkins. This is neither the time nor place for a discussion on its main platform, but I found this bit interesting. Dawkins refers to the work of Helen Fisher, an anthropologist, ‘Why We Love’. He says ‘Helen Fisher and others have shown that being in love is accompanied by unique brain states, including the presence of neurally active chemicals (in effect, natural drugs) that are highly specific and characteristic of the state’.

I feel a bit better after that because it goes towards explaining why I have behaved as stupidly as I have sometimes. I have, of course, no plans ever to get involved with a SEA lady again. But hey, this is the Stick site so I’ve heard that before …

Stickman's thoughts:

I think one of the reasons middle-aged guys shack up with a woman from a foreign culture (or fall in love, to use your words) is very simple. Loneliness. Some are quite happy with their own company for much of the time and while they may seek out conversation and companionship from time to time, they may genuinely prefer to live alone and not have the burden of another mouth to feed. But the majority of guys seem to "need" to have a woman around. That's all very well if you select the right woman, potentially a nightmare if you select wrong!