Staying Faithful – Anywhere
I’ve just read the Stick weekly column and I can’t help but feel honoured to be awarded ‘Submission of the Week’. The ‘Told You So’ series will continue with practical help, observations, and links to those contemplating
marriage to a Filipina, perhaps especially concentrating on areas of paperwork and legality that seem so insignificant in the aftermath of what the French call ‘le petit mort’ (orgasm) and the smile (of course) but will, without
doubt assume a horrifying call to reality.
What prompted this (fairly immediate) response was the concept of ‘staying faithful’. This is, of course, a matter of personal choice, of personal ethics and what I have to say will no doubt have some readers rolling on the
floor laughing. But I’ll say it anyway.
In the Charles Kingsley novel ‘The Water Babies’ there are two characters – Mrs ‘Do as you would be done by’ and Mrs ‘Be done by as you did’. And that about sums it up.
Wherever we’ve been and whatever we’ve done we’ve always had a choice. Take advantage of those less fortunate, with fewer options in life, or treat people as we would wish to be treated – with respect, consideration
and the rest of the stuff that makes human interaction a ‘good thing’.
I’m not being ‘namby-pamby’ or a ‘girly-boy’ here – I was a cop for thirty years and I always found (without exception) that the easier, polite, request option paid off more than the macho ‘you
will because I say so’ paid off.
Same-same in relationships. I was married at 23, had two kids, and divorced at 46. I am good friends with my ex, no, probably more than that, if I called she’d help out and so would I. We both and jointly have great times with the
kids (we’re grandparents now) and I’m looking forward to meeting her new beau as she was looking forward to meeting my (soon to be ex) Filipina wife. (Wasn’t to be but my fault not hers).
No secret to all of this. When I was married to her I never but never played around. There were opportunities and I came close but I came to my senses. And it doesn’t have to be marriage – if I’m in a relationship I won’t
go elsewhere. Full stop. Period. That’s just me, maybe, but if I invest time and effort in what I want to be an exclusive relationship I expect honesty and respect and I’m prepared to return it.
It was the same with my brief relationship with my ex TGF and it’s the same now with my Filipina princess. We are going through a divorce but I still wear my wedding ring (she doesn’t) and until the Decree Absolute comes through,
I’m married. No arguments, no discussion, no infidelity.
Boring? Yes, for some no doubt. But for me, if I enter an exclusive relationship that’s what I want it to be, and I can’t expect a woman to accept that if I can’t.
Sometimes when I read through the Stick submissions (and I’m doing my best to catch up) I find it hard to understand the positions some guys take. I read stories of people (ok, men) in relationships with their teeruk but it’s
all gone a bit ‘iffy’ so they console themselves with another ‘bar princess’ for a night or two while they figure it out.
Well, they’re not me and I’m not them.
After my divorce I had some fun. My niece worked in the County Court office where my divorce was being processed. I had arranged to meet a lady via internet dating and was staying with her. The day my Decree Absolute was signed my niece called
me and then I banged my lady. Not before. (Didn’t work out, she wanted a new Daddy for her kids, but she was single and so was I so no harm done).
After that I had some P4P in Spain. Easy, good value, all ST. To me, the important point was I was single, not in a relationship, not cheating about anything. When or if people ask me about this (including my adult kids) I admit it.
Thai and Filipina girls talk about ‘butterflies’. Generally, of course, they don’t like them and I can remember talking to my ex TGF and her mum about this. Yes, I’ve had some girlfirends, Filipina and Thai, but
no I am not a butterfly.
Of course, your mileage may vary and you may be very different to me. But if you are looking for a relationship with a ‘good’ woman and you want what I think what most of us want – honesty, communication, fidelity, as
well as the parts that go without saying – I can only offer this word of advice.
Fidelity goes a long way. Do as you would be done by.
I could not agree more.