Readers' Submissions

The Illusion Of Thai Massage

  • Written by Mike
  • September 22nd, 2011
  • 18 min read


Like many of you, I am somewhat obsessed with sex in Thailand. Of course, the obligatory background info readers want is….Canadian (not suicidal), 40 years old, married 5 years now to a beautiful girl from Lampang, age difference of 9 years, submitted 2 weeks back about killing Sawadee's boss using a Thai hitman, make great money with my own business I started from nothing (through hard work) and set to retire in Thailand in 5 years, and I do not hate white women. Also, I'm not fat, but I am bald (almost), and only 5'5" and I love sex more than anything else in the world, hence I love Thailand. I've also never been ripped off by a tuktuk or jetski, I don't fight when I get drunk and I've never been pickpocketed by a ladyboy (although it sounds a little exciting if they have to rummage around for loose change). I can speak a little Thai after studying in Chiang Mai.

That being said….I want to talk about Thai massage today. Now Stick has mentioned that he likes the real deal but I'm a little off the beaten path. I like the thrill of the unknown massage girl. The type of girl where she is a trained as a real masseuse and what will happen when you turn over for the second hour. I suppose you could say my hobby is looking for full service massages from straight massage girls (sort of like reality porn I guess). To me, there is zero turn on in paying a girl to jerk you at the beginning. It's like watching porn between a man and a woman having missionary sex. Zero turn on for me.

I'll move along now by relaying some of my past massage experiences, both the highs and lows. On my very first visit to Thailand (at 30 years old), I was in one of those cheap 3 person storefront deals in Bangkok with the plastic shower curtains. I had no idea about anything in Thailand and in fact had just come back from a gem shop using a tuk tuk. When I realized the tailor shops and gem stores gave out free beer and a gas coupon for the driver, we formed a partnership and struck gold. Sorry, back to the story. I walk inside and see a fairly young, attractive girl and she escorts me behind a curtain and asks me to remove all my clothes. You have to understand that for the average guy from Canada, this only happens at a doctor's office and never in front of a young girl. Anyways, I strip and lie down on my stomach and feel very shy.

She does the first hour and then I roll over and hear a family walk inside (mom, dad and the kids) with just a cheap plastic curtain between me and them. Shorly thereafter the Thai hand wanders down and begins the ancient stroke of love followed by the whisper in the ear for a tip of some sort. I can only nod yes and then the kids stop talkng and the only sound you can hear is the sound of a guy jerking off (being jerked off?). You might think it's quiet but trust me, the oil and hand vibrating and laboured breathing is very noticeable but I can't have her stop as I'm beyond the point of no return. 5 minutes later I'm dressed and the masseuse opens the plastic curtain to a staring family having their foot massages and 3 other staff. No one says a word and now I have to find a tip so I dig out 200 baht and hand it to her in front of everyone and then walk to the counter and pay the actual massage. I felt like a child rapist or something but also a little elated that this girl could be so dirty and bad when she appears to everyone else like a normal massgae girl. That started a small hook in me that began to redirect my life's goal to building a big business and then retiring to Thailand one day.

I followed this up over the years with a lot of straight massages where I was down for the dirty but nothing was guaranteed. Then 4 years ago I found Aurora massage on Soi 22 off Sukhumvit, across from Admiral Suites hotel (very nice and run by a Canadian; the hotel that is). A small, non descript whorehouse of sorts beside a pharmacy (Aurora massage), and nothing at all to suggest anything different. It was quite by accident I even went in. I was staying at Admiral Suites because my wife worked close by (not a bar girl but a marketing person for the infamous Arab). My wife actually designed the neon art outside Deja Vu on Soi Cowboy years back and was worried because she thought she made the girl's boobs too small on the sign. Anyways, the hotel includes a breakfast at a small restaurant that looks right across the road at Aurora. Every 20 minutes or so I would notice a white guy walk inside but in the whole time, I never witnessed a guy leaving. This struck me as odd so I went across the way later to ask for a 2 hour oil massage (I think this is the lingo for the dirty foreigner looking for action). She smiles and takes me inside up a stairway to the massage room.

It's one of those rooms where the walls don't meet the ceiling, sort of like a men's washroom cubicle. Anyways, the massage starts and not more than 15 minutes later you hear the giggles next door, followed by heavier breathing and the odd moan. I thought to myself…what kind of place is this? Well, I was soon to find out as the rollover was followed by the girl fishing around in her massage kit and showing me a condom followed by a big smile. I started laughing as I've never even known these places exist. 30 minutes earlier she was telling me about graduating from university but her father became sick and since her office job only paid 10,000 baht a month, she was forced to quit and resort to massage artist. Her stage name was Gypsy which doesn't even sound Thai. The strange thing about the act itself (the sex I mean) was that it was great. It wasn't mechanical or fake….she really got into it with passionate kissing, all positions and absolutely no lube needed. Even afterwards she wouldn't stop smiling and took me upstairs to show me pictures of her family and give me her cell phone number in case I wanted to see her privately next time. That's just not the way a hooker behaves on TV and the hook was set a little deeper.

This episode was followed by a dry rut of 2 years of just straight massages. The harder I tried to find the nasty massgae, the more I struck out. One night at 10 pm, I found myslef walking down a dark, narrow alleyway in Chiang Mai and spotted a 1 employee massage shop hurting for business. A beautiful, older lady (maybe 45) with a low cut top and very ample cleavage. She asked me to come inside for an oil massage and this is what my dreams were made of. I come inside and first thing she does is lock the door. There is a single bed in a small room and that's it. She then draws the curtains, turns on the AC, lights some candles and incense, dims the lights, turns some soft northern Thai music on and begins to wash my feet. This is what I come to Thailand for and why I work 14 hours a day at my business! She then removes my clothing and asks me to lay down on the bed.

I am envisioning 2 hours of non-stop, off the wall porn star sex between a short Canadian and a beautiful older Thai lady (who even knows where this could lead and what a turn on for the "forbidden love"). She begins the oil (and lots of it) and the arousal begins as her fingers make their way up the inside of my leg towards my groin. Then she stops 3 inches short and starts on the other leg. Now what I've noticed (and love) is the inadvertent grazing of the fingertips on the scrotum that could be construed as an accidental touch or also an invitation. Nothing. I then pretend to shift to become more comfortable and spread my legs further apart in order to give her the green light. All systems go. Nothing. She asks me to turn over and she leans over for my shoulders and I see inside her loose shirt and they are big, covered in a lacy, frillly bra. My arousal shows and she becomes upset and asks her if I think of her as that kind of girl. I tell her of course not and that I never look for sex when I go for a massage (I just troll back alleys in Chiang Mai at night looking for hidden massage shops). She says she expects to be taken for dinner and dated for a while before she would even consider kissing a man. Then it begins to dawn on me..her English is too good. Sure enough, she was married to an American and knows all the tricks. So end of massage and nothing.

Next I am feeling a little desperate to find the good girl gone bad, but at the same time I just want a dirty massage. I'm driving my moped from Beach Road, Pattaya and turn left at the last street before Walking Street. There on the left just before 2nd road is a beautiful, large breasted (and a little soft) Thai girl. My favourite body style. She waves me over and in I go. I am so sure this is the main event. Walking Street, Pattaya, a town no honest girl can be found. But again, midway thorugh the massage; no grazing fingertips, no accidental touch…nothing. She then starts complaining about how so many farang come to this massage place and select her and expect sex but she is not that kind of girl.

My typical response is that of course she isn't that kind of girl, I would never think that of her and it's so hard to find a massage place that doesn't offer sex. I'm thinking I'll come across as the sincere, trusting guy and use some reverse psychology. Sometimes they want to appear to be hard to get as maybe it makes them think you care more for them and they are not actually just a hooker. But no, she said a man like me who is not just looking for sex is so hard to find in Pattaya and thanked me for my kind words. Massage finished and where to next? I go home, shower to wash the oil off and drive over to Soi LK Metro.

I'm right across the road from the Devil's Den and there she is…a large busted, older attractive Thai lady at a small massage shop. You would think at Vegas this would be pretty good odds. Well, I rolled 00 as in nothing…just another 2 hour 400 baht oil massage. Again, I tried all the signals…repositioning my legs wider, light groan as her hands caressed the inside of my thighs, even "accidentally" grazing her legs when I moved my hand. Nothing. I even told her how beautiful she was while my rod was straight up and she laughed and complimented me with a bak wan (sweet mouth). Absolutely crash and burn…nothing.

Believe it or not, one day after another I would strike out in Pattaya. I started to think that maybe I was just coming across as some obsessed sex massage perv as the harder I tried, the worse it got. I would drive this moped around all the alleys of Pattaya, watching the sidewalks for an attractive masseuse and it's actually kind of dangerous as I almost hit a stopped car quite a few times. At the time, my thinking was that I could cover a lot more distance on a moped than by walking and if I saw a likely target, I could circle around and have a second look. Now I realize I came across more as a sex offender…slowly trolling the streets of Pattaya for another hit.

One time I even ended up in some back sois in Naklua just looking for the sex starved good massage girl. I was getting deperate as eveything has to come together. The shop has to be small enough to allow the event to occur, the girl has to be attractive and I don't like another customer as I want the girl to feel unhinhibited. Then I had an idea…I found a girl on 2nd road and asked for a private massage at my room as her shop was really busy but she was extremely hot. Off she goes with me with her little massage kit and I'm thinkng big sex action coming up. I strip down (the shyness went away a long time ago) and lie down on the bed. No grazing fingertips, no lingering touch…nothing. How in the hell can a normal looking guy in Pattaya in his private hotel room with a massage girl strike out?

Massage finished, I try the angle of asking her out after her work. Well, big smile and she says she's happy I'm not looking for boom boom girl as she not work bar and she only looking for love. She passes her number, gets her stuff together and leaves with another huge smile. Then it dawns on me…a beautiful girl in Thailand with large breasts has her choice in guys…I'm playing it all wrong as I want the sex from a girl who is a non-sex worker. After all, she could work in a gogo bar and make a lot more money so why is she doing massage? With these thoughts, I press on with a better methodology. The massage girl did call after her shift ended at 1 AM exactly as she said she would but of course I can't hold out for true love in Pattaya for very long and was already on round 2 with a coconut bar takeout while my phone was vibrating across the nightstand.

2 days later I try the same method (private room massage) with a very beautiful woman from a small shop up the hill by Jomtien. This was a little different vibe as she would look into my eyes during the front massage and really laugh at my jokes. But again no grazing or light groin touching. For some reason though, the whole time I couldn't get the thoughts out of my head about Canadian thinking and how you shouldn't touch a girl unless she agrees first. Then I would think of all the Stickman stories on how guys would get beat up for making a Thai person mad. Then I thought about all the times I was striking out and made my move. Looking right into her eyes as she was on top of me on my bed, I I leaned forward and kissed her right on the lips.

While kissing, I began unbuttonning her shirt and touching her everywhere. It didn't feel wrong at all and then I knew I found the girl of my dreams when she said…"you have tip for me later"? Those were words of love to me that meant she was down for it. The anticipation had built up so high and the arousal was so great that I was finished in record time (maybe 20 seconds). I tried to hide it and kept going but then I think she kind of figured it out and said that was enough for her. Of course by this time I had runied the massage as we had just had sex and didn't even know each other's name, however bless her professionalism, she was able to regain her composure and start on my shoulders. It was actually very nice both being naked with no pretentions and just feeling relaxed and together.

She then prepared to leave and told me she was not that kind of girl and expected me to see her after work. Stupid me I had chosen a hotel only a block from her shop so for the next week she watched me drive my moped out every morning with a different passenger. I don't think she was really a whore per se…she wanted something extra for sex but she was certainly as turned on as I was. I think maybe some of the girls in Pattaya just can't seperate money from sex and can actually enjoy passionate sex even when there is money at the end. I'm not a psychologist and I am in no way an expert on female arousal but it certainly felt really, really good.

The final Thailand visit last year culminated with a repeat visit to Aurora massage after a 4 year absence. A softer, nom yai Khon Kaen cutie was inside the door and led me upstairs. Now they don't even pretend. Walls straight up the the ceiling, glass showers inside each room, locked doors and soundproofing. It's dfferent than the Thai fishbowls though as no Thai men are around and it's a very quiet shop. This time things were a little different though. The first time I wasn't sure if the girl had been a deviant sex worker at a straight massage shop so even this time I wasn't 100% sure where things were headed.

The traditonal oil massage began with no hint of sex. No grazing or touching, just a clean massage. However this girl was skilled as I never even felt it coming. While the massage was on, off comes her clothes and out comes the breast massage. I defy a single male (even Stickman) to lie on a bed with D cups covered in oil rubbing up and down your back and you feel nothing. No arousal, nothing. Impossible. She then turns me over, begins passionate kissing and without any thoughts of a condom, slides downwards and in. I'm not sure what massage oil is made from as it really stays slippery and seems different than engine oil or vegetable oil. I kept trying to retain these thoughts but it wasn't meant to be and our lovemaking was shortly concluded. It's funny how once the horniness (for sake of a better word)…or maybe lust? …is removed, you tend to look at your surroundings in Thailand and sort of wonder how you got there. Here I am in a small room in Bangkok with a girl who might not even be on the pill (I know I can't get her pregnant but she didn't realize that) and I wonder if she is even aware of the chance of having a baby from some stranger she just met. I felt a little bad (and also wanted to go again) so I asked her over to my hotel across the road to spend the night. It just wans't the same the second time around and off she went in the morning, never to be seen again.

I wonder how many Stickman readers are like me…normal guys on the outside to their friends and family but in truth visitng Thailand and experiencing multiple, random sexual encounters with one girl after another. Maybe there's something wrong with me as all my friends and family members never visit Thailand and are happy with just their one partner. I still love my wife dearly but there's just something about sex with Thai women, one after the other that I crave. And it's just Thai women as I have no desire to even try something like this with other women or go to a local bar at home to meet someone for sex. Maybe it's a sickness shared by some Thai girls as how many Thai women are supported by their husband but are still open to a random encounter when they don't even need the money anymore.

I do feel like I'm starting to change though as I see the real love and respect my wife has for me and I don't want to do anything to hurt her. She allows me this freedom provided I'm discreet but I find now that I'm also more interested in spending my time together with her while in Thailand instead of just hanging out in Pattaya. I think over time when you fall in love with a very special girl, the attraction of sex in Thailand diminishes. I'm not saying it goes away but it does grow weaker. My love for my wife has grown a lot over the last few years and in turn my obsessions are not near as strong. Except for Aurora massage as that is a place built by the devil himself.


Stickman's thoughts:

So many discussion points in this submission, from the thrill of massage to your inability to find a place to get seen to in Pattaya to hunting for girls you consider not to be in the industry to cheating on your wife to the point that makes me wonder what sort of "man" you are – having unprotected sex with a prostitute behind your wife's back. I know some readers detest me going on about this, but I think it is just plain wrong and a damning indictment on your character.