Readers' Submissions

Response To It’s All About The Money, Money, Money

  • Written by Farang Girl
  • September 17th, 2011
  • 6 min read


Dear Mr. Heineken

Western women are far from an elusive breed here in Bangkok – in fact, contrary to popular belief (often falsely propagated on some websites that we can’t ‘cope' because it’s impossible to find a man here.. 5555!!) there are loads of us living and very much enjoying life here in this city. And we're not all long stay backpackers/travellers or TEFL teachers either – many of us, like myself, have proper jobs as expats because our work took us here. The thing is: we don't tend to hang out at the sort of places you frequent, that's why you're not meeting us. For example:

Nana Plaza/Soi Cowboy/etc. – yes, I've taken folks there but I view it in much the same way as I do the Red Light District in Amsterdam or Berlin – a tourist site to be checked off the list and laugh about.

Spasso – known freelance pick-up joint – there are far better clubs in Bangkok – this is the kind of place I'd be dragged to with a group after several beers by which point meeting Mr. Right would be well down the priority list.

I could continue and list a whole host of venues in Bangkok which are similar.

The simple fact is – look at your friends from your home country who have met 'Ms. Right', settled down had a family, etc. How many of them met their future partner in a nightclub? I would guess that the number would be very small and that most of them met through friends, social events and shared interest groups (e.g. a sporting activity). Why do you think things work differently here and that you need to go to a bar / club?

If you're still determined to try and find a long term partner in a bar / club then maybe try checking out some of the more reputable places round Thong Lor and Ekamai: HOB, Muse, Funky, etc. or the nicer hotel bars round Silom / Sathorn.

I have to object to your comments about it all being about the money – it's not – it's more about societal roles. In Asian society the man is the head of the house and expected to be the primary bread winner. That said, all of my Thai female friends work (including those with children) and genuinely love their jobs and being intellectually challenged, interacting with adults and building a career that they've studied long and hard for. I know two (2) Thai women who don't work: one is bored stiff and desperately wants to go back to work now her little girl is 18 months but her farang husband is dead against it (even part-time work); the other is doing the stay at home mum thing and whilst her husband is fine with this (and really, this is what matters most – they're happy this way) the extended family definitely isn't and think she's a bit lazy (NB – this is a 100% Thai, not Thai-Chinese, family).

Also to say that Western women feel threatened by Thai women is utter rubbish: my closest and dearest female friends here are Thai and if anything they're the ones who compare themselves disfavourably to me (which I totally disagree with, no-one's better, we're just different and actually we're not that different on the inside). We sometimes compare things which are just basic characteristics of our genetic make-up that we can't change: I'll always be taller, whiter and have bigger boobs and curves (even if I starved myself, my hip joints wouldn't shrink and I’ll always be a Thai L size). P'Neung will always be petite, have skin like porcelain and amazing sleek shiny hair that doesn't turn into a frizzy mess in Bangkok's humidity. In a nutshell – we're actually quite happy with what nature gave us but ideally P'Neung would like my boobs and curves; I want her skin complexion and hair. However, short of major surgery neither of us is going to get this, and frankly it would look silly and wrong if either of us did.

From a farang girl’s perspective – the potential offerings boyfriend-wise in Bangkok are generally quite poor. With the odd exception, farang men based here are the sort I wouldn't touch with a barge pole back home: they sleep with prostitutes, are overweight, eat crap food, don't exercise and drink too much. Those who have been here too long tend to develop this delusional mentality (based on too many bargirl encounters perhaps?) that it's normal and acceptable to try and chat-up someone young enough to be your grand daughter and that a 20-year age gap isn't an issue. Whilst someone with lesser economic means than myself might be willing to overlook the obvious, I don't, and nor do any of my friends (farang or Asian). Every time I go to Singapore and have a night-out I meet nice, normal men but in Bangkok many of the farang guys I meet are the dregs of Western society who wouldn't last more than a week in the real world.

As regards the 'you'll pay for it with women some way or another comment, even if they're Western'. Utter nonsense. I have always been the main breadwinner in past relationships in the West and this isn't as unusual as you'd think. I can also think of at least 5 expat ladies here who are working whilst their husband / partner stays at home and they span a myriad of professions: Telecoms, Energy, Finance and NGOs.

Finally, some friendly advice on chatting a girl up. If within 10 seconds of meeting me you're bleating on about how awful Thai women are, how they're only after money and how bad your experiences have been, I too would engage in conversation until I could make a quick get-away in a polite manner: see above – some of my best friends are Thai ladies who don't fit the stereotype you seem that have met. I find it somewhat insulting that you generalise so much.

May I suggest a different tactic – how about trying to get to know the lady you're talking to e.g. do you live here, what do you do, etc. rather than wingeing about your past bad experiences with Thai ladies and labeling all of them as being money hungry (totally untrue). Or better still: as an ice-breaker 'I really like the dress / shoes / bracelet / earrings you're wearing and I need to buy a present for my sister's / cousin's / brother's fiancée’s birthday next month – where did you get it from?'

Being a bit more positive and getting in with a circle of people who never go near Lower Sukhumvit may enhance your dating prospects significantly….


Stickman's thoughts:

It's always nice to hear from females, especially a Western female living and working in Bangkok. Your words make for a refreshing perspective and rather than getting all bitter and twisted, some guys should heed what you say as a wake up call.