Readers' Submissions

A Thai Girlfriend?



I've travelled around Thailand a fair bit over the last six years. Turning the corner to 50, I'd love to have a nice Thai girlfriend but I wonder if for me it is a practical possibility.

Sure, I've got money. I've also spent some long stretches in Thailand and think I could handle living there most of the year with occasional trips to the west.

Many western guys have a Thai girlfriend / wife. But how many have you met who seem genuinely happy? I think I have only met one happy couple. That was in Chiang Mai about four years ago. They both live and work in Canada and take holidays in the Kingdom.

Anyway, I guess the first obstacle to be overcome would be meeting a nice girl who is interested in whitey.

So far as meeting a "nice" Thai girl goes, I am sorry but you seem to express contradictory opinions Sir Stick. In one recent weekly column you related a story about a night on the town with your friend where you had a great time and observed that some "nice" Thai girls were very interested in you. As I recall, you wrote that if a guy gets out there and socializes, meeting "nice" Thai girls is very doable. On the other hand, you seem to agree with opinions such as those expressed by Jayson(?) that essentially the only Thai women interested in Farangs are gold digging farm girls that no Thai (or high status Asian) man would ever look at.

I guess your view really is that Thai women prefer Asian men, but that doesn't mean that none of them like western men. Makes sense.

In my experience, Thai girls will occasionally show interest in a farang. Even on airplanes. I've taken about 20 domestic flights in Thailand. Twice I've sat beside Thai girls, showed no interest in them, only to have them chat me up. Due to bumbling or exhaustion, I never did offer or ask for a phone number or email but I certainly could have. Ha ha ha. I am quite sure that if you rode around the country on airplanes you would certainly meet someone. But there must be a better way!

I did spend a couple of months on Thai Love Links earlier this year but didn't have a very positive impression of it. Seems to be loaded with predators. Male AND female I am sure. There are some attractive girls on the site but do you really want a girlfriend you met online? To me it seems to be halfway between the bar scene and normality. I'd always be wondering what other farangs she was hooking up with on the net.

OK. Let’s be optimistic and say that somehow I managed to meet a nice girl.

Obviously the big reason a Thai girl would choose a western boyfriend / husband might just be financial security. That's ok. Why not? Women everywhere are motivated by security. No problem. I really don't understand why so many guys are outraged that girls (especially bargirls) are interested in money. Perhaps in these guys’s universe the girls are outraged when they discover that guys are so very very very interested in sex?

But there sure are a few stumbling blocks.

There is that absolutely huge cultural / language gap that you can probably never bridge. Anyone out there really understand how Thai people think? One guy I know who has lived in Thailand for four years says that they think the same way we do. What else? In a way he is right. Another guy I met had been living in Thailand for seven years, had a successful business, and a Thai wife. Referring to a VERY specific day to day occurrence, I asked him if he understood how Thai people think. He hesitated, and then said "you'll never understand how they think… sometimes I think I do and then the next day something happens and I realize that I don't understand anything." In a way he is right also. Doesn't really bode well for having a functional level of mutual understanding in a relationship charged with emotions and issues does it?

And what about communication? Sorry, my Thai not so good.

And what about the issue of face? Oh my GOD! You can go along for days, weeks, and months getting along with the locals and be perceived as a good guy. But make one mistake and look out! You are DONE! Finished!

And what about the way westerners sometimes like to address problems directly while Thai people rarely seem to…

But the real killer is this: As has been pointed out many times on this website, we will never be Thai. We will always be second class citizens. Whereas in the west a foreigner can marry into a country, gain citizenship, and be accorded all the rights and privileges of a citizen of that country, we westerners cannot do that in Thailand.

Oh well. Guess I'm F**ked! I love Asian women. I love how graceful they are. I love how they treat children and old people. I love how physically beautiful they are. I love their brown skin, brown eyes, and jet black hair. I love how they dress. I love how they talk (except when they are angry!). I love how they carry themselves. I love how they can dote on you and make you feel special if they want to. They are the best.

Well, I rattled this off pretty quickly and I am not sure if it rates a submission or not. Reading it over I can see that while my view is that there are a lot of challenges to having a Thai girlfriend I have absolutely nothing bad to say about them. I'd say that's a good thing.

Good luck fellow Stickmanites. And if any of you have any advice on how to meet a "nice" Thai girl I'm allllllllll ears!



Stickman's thoughts:

The differences between Western men and Thai women are huge. For sure, there will always be challenges for a Western man to enjoy a truly fulfilling relationship with a Thai woman.

Of course we need to look at ourselves. Are you we type of guy a woman (irrespective of nationality) would find appealing? Financially stable, polite, honest, friendly, cheerful, charming and look after yourself and know how to dress? These are just a few things of many to consider. Too often Western guys blame the Thai lady without having a good, long look in the mirror.

The best advice I have is suggiesting that you try and meet a Thai woman who likes you for who you are – and not because you are a white guy. That basically means that the bars and websites may not be the best place to meet Miss Right. Many ladies in those places are specifically looking for a white guy. That's not to say that you can't find the perfect wife in those places though…