Readers' Submissions

10 Things You Shouldn’t Tell Police In Thailand

  • Written by Big Boy
  • September 20th, 2011
  • 4 min read


I(1) – Aren’t you the guy from the village people?

(2) – When I reached down to pick up my bag of ya ba, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

(3) – I pay for your salary and for the freeway, so I’ll speed if I want to, damn it.

(4) – What do you mean my visa expired and anyway if I play poker online using my overseas bank account it should be ok.

(5) – Don’t bother to handcuff me because I already have a hard on, see?

(6) – But I thought drinking and driving was ok as long as I am discreet, and everybody else does it too…

(7) – Is it true people become cops because they are to dumb to work at Seven-Eleven?

(8) – Why don’t we discuss this over a box of donuts?

(9) – The Thai driver in front of me was going faster so why did you stop me and not him?

(10) – I am sure you know a friend of mine called “Poncho” who used to work on a TV show called CHIPS.

(11) – I am an American citizen and your phoney laws don’t apply to me.

Those are the kind of smart-ass remarks that are guaranteed to get you arrested. There is a right way and a wrong way of handling the situation.

As regards number (11)… I advise politeness, a smile and when you hand over your drivers licence or passport make sure you put two thousand baht right in the middle of your documents while commenting how much you love Thailand and admire its people.

Seriously though, the last thing you ever want to do in Thailand is piss off the cops, let alone if you are in the wrong. As a stupid tourist you are allowed a bit of leeway but it seems that if you live here and are well known then you could have a problem.

I have found in real life that the Police help us out a hell of a lot… they are the unsung and unthanked heroes in our society… Who do you call if you are attacked or threatened?… and remember they turn up and deal with every sort of dangerous problem no matter what.

Drunk people are often excused their bad behaviour and as most of the fun in Thailand revolves around drinking, often to excess, it seems a miracle that there is not a hell of a lot more Farangs in serious trouble.

Always be polite and respectful towards cops in a foreign country.

If you are able to bribe your way out of any trouble then good luck to you because in England where I live it is impossible and a criminal offence that you will probably be charged with along with your arrest.

I myself have been helped out by armed police who saved me from a potentially bad situation. I have never been so grateful in all my life and it gave me a new perspective on things we take for granted. I think its one of the best things about our modern society that armed police in bullet proof vests are one phone call away if you ever need them.

Don’t ever get on their bad side… especially in the Land of smiles.

The truth is the typical western tourist lives it up when on holiday in LOS and gets drunk as much as possible and lays as many pieces-of-ass as possible. They probably look and behave badly but the truth is most are highly educated, well behaved and upwardly mobile at home…here are some fun facts about the police:

The first police force in the modern sense was created by the government of King Louis XIV in 1667 to police the city of Paris, then the largest city in Europe. In 1829 a government decree created the first uniformed police in rance thereby starting the trend that exists worldwide today that requires police to wear uniforms.

In 1829 in England the London Metropolitan Police was founded and they became a model for the police forces in most countries, such as the United States, and most of the British Empire.

Of course there was some sort of law and order before that and the enforcers of the law were known as Watchmen, Sherriffs, Thief-takers or Constables. Often these fellows were volunteers or worked for whoever ruled.

Before that there were Knights and if we go back further we will find that before that there were tribes who policed themselves but faced constant attacks from other tribes.

There are over 200,000 police in Thailand. Make sure you behave yourself.



Stickman's thoughts:

From time to time I have seen or heard stories of foreigners getting lippy with the Thai police. That seems to me to be one of the most stupid things you could do in Thailand.