Have Thai People Changed Or Have We As “Farangs” Changed?
Well after reading Stickman's weekly� for about 4 years I felt it was long overdue of me to write an article to Stick� readers, especially as I have really enjoyed reading not only what Stick prepares for us but also those readers who
have written in about their experiences with Thailand and many times about Thai women�.
I fully realise that we all have different views and different experiences, but maybe my story you can relate to or better still, maybe it will help someone who has only just started their Thai journey�.
When I first went to Thailand in 2006 I was in my mid-40s, been divorced a long time, employment was not going anywhere, was fed up with all the hard work involved with dating in the UK and at a crossroads in my life. Sound familiar?
So when a friend said why I don't go over to Thailand and that it could be just what I was looking for, I thought why not. I had nothing to lose along with always wanting to visit the country known as the Land of Smiles. In addition a family member had been dating an educated Thai woman for several years and said why not give it a go – you will always wonder what you could be missing�.
Off I went to Hua Hin, the home of the King of Thailand. My first impressions were how westernised the town was and there were so many people from the UK & other Europeans that in some ways it was not the real Thailand, but for my first experience of the country it suited me.
Now while I had heard many stories of how easy it was to meet Thai women and very quickly I was told that reading Private Dancer� would help. It really is down to the individual to what they want to do.
In my case I was not looking for a quick or short time, whereas I also realised quite quickly that class status and understanding Thai culture is important. The language is hard to learn fast and how would I meet a Thai woman who was not a bar girl? A lot to take in but at the same time a great journey to learn.
Well after 3 months of seeing lots of great looking Thai women, it is sometimes hard to get there ages correct as I did not want to fall foul of the age laws and the results (one time I was really interested in this young woman who turned out to be a 15 year old girl!) Hey I was on holiday and had no ties back in my home country.
Anyway, my 3 months were up and so back to Blighty� I went, but after just a few days I realised I wanted to go back to Thailand with the warm weather, the friendly smiles (even if it is not always meant), the superb spicy Thai food, the different culture & the experiences this would bring, plus a chance of a woman who may actually care for you without so many of the burn the bra� attitudes. Ok, it is not all one way but over the last 10 years it certainly has got much harder to date a fellow Brit plus it being expensive to go on a date that more often or not goes no further!
So within a week I was arranging to go back long term to the land of smiles and this I did in early 2007. Have Thai people changed or have we as farangs� changed?
Well as you may have guessed, after another month of looking at these lovely Thai women, one day I met one that caught my eye when visiting a friend whom I had got to know a few months earlier, and the next day I visited him again to see if she would
be visiting her friend.
To cut a long story short I fell for her big time. I was not the first and won't be the last to make the mistake as yes, you Stick readers have already worked out she was an excellent looking bargirl, just the type of Thai woman or any woman to be honest which I was not looking to form a relationship with, having never been with a prostitute with before in my life and certainly not the type of woman I wanted to bring back to the UK if this is what I wanted to do at some point in the future.
Thus my journey started of being crazy in love, or so I thought, with this funny, good looking, and fun to be Thai woman who was in her mid 30s. What more could I want you may ask? But what quickly followed was the disappearing acts, of being unreachable by mobile (we all know this is their life line of communication), the lies about where they have been, and unfortunately the heavy drinking and gambling.
Now the crazy bit. Throughout the year I spent with her and all the normal bar girl carry on which happened, yes I was crazy to take her back when these things happened (including when she had been with another farang), I kept on justifying her behaviour whether it was to myself or to friends that cared about me.
It all came to a head when the gambling was taking place virtually every night and she was in regular contact by mobile with another Brit, which caused me to get very stressed. I ended up in the local hospital, but what saved me was my visa was due for renewal and so was my plane ticket to go back to the UK.
Oh I forgot to tell readers we also got married, just the Thai ceremony, not the legal side, which I was told was why she could carry on as normal. After about 9 months of being together which included a heavy dowry (ok not millions of Thai baht, but still silly money) – I told you it was crazy, but hey some of us westerners do stupid things when women give us the attention we are looking for.
After being back in the UK for about a year I returned to Thailand in 2009 & thought I would give it another go, especially as I was older & wiser by then. I took and passed a TEFL course so that I could teach English, earn a living and possibly meet the type of Thai woman that I had originally hoped too; unfortunately a month or so after the course the Thai authorities changed the rules that you should have a degree, which is not a bad thing but had I known this (despite doing research on this topic), I would not have taken & paid for this course.
Later on I met a lovely Thai woman, who really cares & loves me, who we formed a company together and after a year we got legally married without paying a dowry and after another six months was able to obtain her UK visa to live with me in the UK. So it can work out but it takes time, knowledge & understanding plus patience as well as respecting the difference in our culture. Hope this helps other Stick readers.
One of the commonalities in stories where guys have problems in Thailand is that they do things or get involved in things they would never even dream about at home. If you behave in Thailand like you would at home then most problems would probably be avoided!