What Brought Me To Thailand
I read the submission by Mike on 17/05/11, titled "Why I Married a Thai Woman and it got me thinking about my own past and what ultimately brought me to visit Thailand. I emailed Mike and he was quite an enjoyable character to talk to. I decided to put in writing what brought me to Thailand.
I live in Australia; I'm 35 years old and run a small successful business. I have a Thai partner of almost two years. To date I have never been married nor do I have any children. However, you don't need to be married to suffer the wraith of a jilted female. This is the story of what brought me to Thailand.
A number of years ago I was living in Australia with my then Australian girlfriend, "Amanda". We had been together for two years. Amanda came from a very poor background, and upon meeting me I assume she believed her financial woes were over. While I'm not rich, I work hard and enjoy a decent lifestyle. Towards the end of the relationship Amanda’s true colours really came out. Money was tight for me and this was certainly not what she wanted to hear, her anger sky rocketed the first time I refused to give her money.
It escalated to physically assaulting me, using all sorts of weapons, leaving me basically powerless as you can imagine the consequences if I struck her. She would taunt me and almost beg me to hit her, just so she could file a domestic violence order with the police department – to hurt me. You see, not giving her money gave her a sense of extreme pain, and she wanted me to hurt in just the same way.
I just refused to react; she would then start screaming at the top of her lungs, a deathly scream. This was to alert the neighbours that I was "assaulting" her. She would literally stand in the middle of the apartment screaming, I could be in a different room at the time. She would even open all the windows so her ghastly screams could be heard for miles. I never laid a finger on her, and again I was left powerless. Why the neighbours never called the police I will not know, maybe they could see the real Amanda that I couldn't.
This all happened over a period of about 2 months. Her requests for money were regularly refused, so she stepped up her antics. She found out I could lose my job if she reported me for domestic violence. You see, I was employed in a position where I was required to carry a firearm, and of course be suitably licensed. She overheard me talking to a friend how one of my staff was up on a "false" domestic violence order, and as such the police appeared at his home to take his firearms licence from him, hence he could no longer work and I was looking at the unfortunate prospect of having to terminate his employment for such. As it turns out, his wife admitted it was a false accusation, but the police stated the process had already begun through the courts, and there was nothing they could / would do.
Back to Amanda, that very night she again demanded money for a ridiculous shopping outing, and of course I said no, we (I) just didn’t have it. She turned bright red and threatened to go to the police and claim I had beaten her, and that they would take my firearms licence from me which would result in me losing my job. (Keeping in mind, her main focus was money, what did she think would happen to the money if I lost my job?). I can’t describe the feeling of total helplessness, my career was now on the line, I think she knew how stressed I was, and of course used this to get into my head even more. But I stayed strong on the money issue, she had to learn that I wasn’t a walking ATM.
Over the next month I worked hard to save our relationship. However I also worked huge hours and this was another strain on our relationship. Amanda hated my job and the fact it took me away from home so often. I considered leaving that position and moving north to the town I grew up in, in the hope it would get her away from the shopping, nightlife and casino. But I was also terrified of Amanda having a meltdown and making false accusations which would basically end my career, so I decided to end it on good terms, I regrettably handed in my resignation to my employer after 10 years service, and we moved north.
She got a little better after that for some reason, so I used my severance pay to take us to Thailand for a holiday (my first time overseas and my first time to LOS, how ironic). We were on a tight budget, but I managed to book us into some nice hotels. I recall a number of arguments over money on this holiday. I was paying for everything, and she certainly knew how to spend. I had to pull her in a few times for her spending, or we would literally be left in a foreign country with no money, but she didn’t care, she thought I was the Bank of Australia. I recall being locked out of our hotel room by her until I would give her money (keep in mind, she had a job the entire time, and was receiving a weekly pay cheque, but she wanted more money). On getting a spare key from reception and entering the room, I was met by flying chairs, broken glass and severe scratches to my face, I had to move myself to another hotel for a night for my own safety and sanity.
Upon arriving back in Australia, I went to use my credit card and it was maxed out, she had been ordering things online using my credit card for months, $10k debt. That was the last straw, as a result I told her to leave, I was paying the rent on the apartment, all the furniture was mine, and she just had to leave. She said it would take her a few days to find a new apartment, so could she stay until the end of the week, I said yes of course.
I just started a new job that week, and was in the middle of breaking up with her, the stress on me was huge. I arrived home from work on the Thursday to find my apartment empty, completely empty. She had taken EVERYTHING. I contacted her by phone, and she just laughed. I went to the police, they couldn't / wouldn’t do anything. However they did tell me she had reported her last three boyfriends for domestic violence, and I should just let it go and be happy she didn’t report me.
Over the next few months I received visits from a number of debt collectors looking for her, I had no idea where she went, and I didn't want to know. Apparently she had an unpaid car loan, credit card, mobile phone and had apparently racked up 20+ parking fines and as a result had her licence suspended (some justice I suppose). I attended an industry function and by chance was introduced to someone that knew her, actually they worked with her, and they stated they were told of the "horrible abuse" I inflicted on Amanda, but cracks had started to appear in her story, and people in the workplace where starting to doubt her. I remembered I kept the business card of one of the debt collectors, and decided it was my civic duty to contact this bringer-of-justice and inform him of Amanda's current workplace (ahhh the small victories).
However, these few months were brutal on me, as I had to start all over again. I decided to move house and upon finalising the rental lease, I was told half the bond would be given to me, the other half would be deposited into Amanda's bank account. I advised the agent that Amanda had not lived in the apartment for a couple of months, and I had paid the bond, not Amanda. The female agent refused to listen to reason and $1,000 of MY money was deposited into Amanda's bank account, another kick in the teeth for me. I eventually contacted the Principal Agent, he conceded the female agent had acted improperly, and contacted Amanda himself to inform her of the mistake, and request she forward the funds back to the Agent's bank account. I'm told Amanda laughed and hung up the phone, I never received that $1,000.
I would receive phone calls at my work from Amanda demanding money, as apparently she had none and that was MY fault. About two months into my new job my manager walked past and overheard me take a call from her where I got into an argument and promptly told her to "go fuck herself". My manager called me into his office and I explained the situation. I can only assume he had been through something similar and told me to immediately take 1 month off from work to get myself sorted, and he suggested a trip overseas to clear my head. I borrowed some money that day and walked straight into a travel agent and booked a flight to Thailand. I'm not sure why I chose Thailand as I had had a terrible time there with Amanda, but something told me Thailand had more to offer.
A few days later I packed my backpack, boarded the train for the airport and I was off. I remember walking out of Don Muang airport into the stifling heat, it felt like a tonne of pain and anguish had been lifted from my shoulders. It was the best month of my life, and my love for South East Asia, not just Thailand, began. I would end up visiting multiple times every year over the next few years where eventually I would meet my current partner, Fon.
We struck up a friendship initially and it has turned into a very loving and caring relationship. She has never asked me for a single baht, NEVER. She gets upset when I try to pay for things and demands we share the financial responsibilities. She is from Bangkok, university educated and from a large, loving Bangkok family. I have never been so well looked after and respected, and I ensure I return that same respect and love back to her. These days I am back on my feet financially, and doing well again. It’s amazing what the love of a good woman can do for your back pocket. Fon will arrive in Australia next week on her second 12 month visa, after spending 3 months home with her family.
Looking back, and with hindsight, I can't believe I lasted so long in that relationship, but when you are at the coal face, it's sometimes very hard to see reason or reality. I believe Amanda suffered from bipolar (her mother was diagnosed with the same disorder) and I sometimes wonder what she's up to these days, I would like to thank her for putting me through the worst 6 months of my life, just to lead me to the woman who will make me happy for the rest of my life…. It was well worth it!
Wow, Amanda sounds like a total bitch. Never heard of an Aussie girl demanding money like that. Amazing you'd stay after some of those antics. The first sign of that sort of carry on and you should have had her removed. As a lawyer I used a couple of times once said to me, as soon as you saw those sort of antics or carry on from a woman it's over – and you should walk away and never look back!