Stickman Readers' Submissions May 21st, 2011

Not All Fun In The Sun

When my partner Tony first told me he was going to Thailand with his mate, I begged him not to go. The friend has been several times and Tony had told me that he usually spent most of the time with Thai ‘girlfriends’. He assured me that they were just going on a fishing holiday – which I didn’t believe. Tony had inherited a large sum of money and had promised to use some of it to do some badly needed improvements in our home. I couldn’t convince him that going to Thailand would probably ruin our relationship.

They went for 10 days and came back full of tales about fishing and with a few photos. What he didn’t say straight away was that they were planning to go back a few weeks later. I said if he did go back it would be the end for us but he kept on telling me I was mistaken and he had not been with anyone.

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I was really angry and ashamed – I would not even tell people that he was going back to Thailand as I knew they would assume the worst. He promised that he would not go but in fact they had already booked the tickets – both trips paid for by Tony as, by this time, his friend was unemployed.

So eventually they set off – I told him not to come back. He didn’t bother to contact me and I went off on a holiday of my own, to Greece. When I got back, I was devastated to find that hundreds of pounds had gone from our account. At first, looking at the number of withdrawals, I even thought his card had been stolen! There was also a visit to a jewellery shop and expensive restaurants.

About this time, I found Stickman’s page – so I had a pretty good idea of what had been happening. Despite this, when he came back, he was still assuring me that nothing had happened. He could not even remember going in the jewellers – of course no present for me had been produced!

In total, the two trips had cost over £7,000 but what was worse was that he had given up his job. Supposedly due to a dispute over health and safety but I suspect it was because he wanted to take more holidays when it wasn’t acceptable. He got another job but by this time he was so stressed out by everything that he soon lost that. We were struggling to keep our relationship going – I was having a bad time at work as well – and he kept insisting that nothing had happened in Thailand. So why the huge mobile phone bills and mysterious sums of money being taken out of his rapidly diminishing account? I accused him of sending money to a girl which he continued to deny. Oh, and the HIV test I found the receipt for – that was just because his friend had an accident and cut himself.

Most of his money had disappeared – fortunately I had put £5000 out of his reach – he even had to close his savings bonds. Even then, he took £150 out of his credit card before Christmas and I know that was sent abroad. Obviously he must have been obsessed with this girl but she was still a mystery – until, on New Year’s Day, he posted some pictures on his Facebook page of him and a Thai girl. I made him take them off and told him to pack up and leave. We then had the usual protests of nothing happened, she was just a friend showing them round etc. But I suddenly realised, from other pictures, that he had in fact met this girl on the first visit and had gone back specifically to be with her.

He spent a couple of nights on a friend’s couch – and came back begging me to forgive him etc. He had no money, no job, nowhere else to go – and would have got no sympathy from any friends or relatives. After 21 years together it had all been ruined by a Thai whore . . and by him, of course. He didn’t even seem to understand that he had been conned and that she probably had plenty of other men sending her money and was not sitting there pining for him.

I’d like to say it could not get worse. We limped on together – I had the choice of throwing everything away because of some stupid, stereotypical mid-life crisis (he was 41) – or trying to forgive and forget. But the mobile phone bills were still suspiciously high and he had no money to pay them so I insisted on seeing his phone bills. Well, you won’t be surprised to find that he was still calling and texting 2 numbers in Thailand. They were ‘a family he had stayed with’. I wondered what some poor family in Lao would have to talk to him about! I called his bluff and rang first one and then the other. The same woman answered – her ‘English’ name was Bee. She hardly spoke English – how had he managed to have all those phone conversations? – but I managed to get the truth out of her. Of course she was very surprised to find he had a girlfriend and that he had been lying to her as well. She phoned back several times demanding to talk to him, which he refused. And I’m in the middle of a crying whore and a lying boyfriend, at 2 in the morning.

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That was 2 months ago. Just when I thought it might have gone away, she called twice on the house phone this morning, saying that he had called and asked her to ring him back. Probably not true as his phone is barred due to the unpaid bill. She called his mobile several times and he refused to answer. In the end I got very angry and told her to leave us alone and never to call again.

I think we have reached the end now. He is now penniless and I can’t support him while he is making a fool of me. He can’t understand why I won’t believe his denials – after he spent nearly a year lying to me!

So you see there is a downside to all the bragging and whoring. For the sake of a few weeks of fun, he has lost his job, his home, a relationship of 21 years and all his money. If our friends and family knew, they would lose all respect for him – so I’m still protecting him, but I have to live with the pain and humiliation. I’m a reasonably attractive woman; I enjoy sex and I actually thought I was more interested in it than he is. Oh well; won’t get fooled again.

Stickman's thoughts:

We don't often hear the other side of the story. Guy falls in love with Thai girl and she loses interest in him once the money has run out – but neglects to mention that he left someone behind who may have been good to him.

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