Loss Lost In The LOS
I’d been trying for a couple of years to persuade a friend, whose name the Thai girls enunciate as Loss, to join me in one of my adventures to the LOS. Several years ago he finally accepted my invitation so his adventure began. He told me he had never been to a foreign country before and had to get a passport. I had set up all the travel arrangements so all he was responsible for was his passport. This he had to scramble for as he didn’t realize the time involved to get it. He received his passport only a couple of days before we were scheduled to depart so he was stressing a little until getting it.
Departure day arrives. As we were traveling with two other friends of mine that he did not know, introductions were made at the airport and he got to acquaint himself to his traveling buddies for the next couple of weeks. I had briefed Loss on the basics of Thailand – DON’T drink the tap water (I brush my teeth with bottled water) <I brush with regular tap water and never a problem – Stick>, 220 volt electricity, spicy food, transportation, etc. While waiting the hour or so to board the plane we were informing Loss on things such as bar fines, long time / short time and the general scene at bar beers and gogo bars.
After a long flight we arrive at Don Muang Airport. We get through customs, retrieve our luggage, exchange some money and find our hotel arranged transportation among the sea of people and touts. Walking toward the airport exit I watch Loss as the door opens to the outside environment. His body jerks backwards from the heat as if somebody had jabbed him in the chest. He also wrinkles up his nose as he notices the different odors that Bangkok spews.
Onward to Pattaya in our mini bus. As the sun is sinking but still light out, Loss has a look at the city of Bangkok which turns to countryside as the sun sets. We are all drinking Cognac that was purchased duty free so after a long day and long flight we are all feeling the effects. We get into Pattaya, turn onto beach road and the start of the bars where Loss has a look at some of the bars on the side of the road. Upon turning left into Soi 8 where our hotel is located, all the girls from the corner bars on both sides of the soi are standing, lined up, waving and yelling welcome at us in the mini van. Seeing all the bars and girls on soi 8 has Loss in a state of open-mouthed awe.
Going out that first night we made the walk up Soi 8 toward 2nd road to catch a baht bus. Loss got his first initiation of the walk through the gauntlet of soi 8 with bars and girls on both sides of the street trying to entice him into their establishments. The calls of hallo, welcum, one dink ples and the arm grabbing almost led Loss astray. I had to rescue him a few times from the predatory girls who could smell the newbie odors that he emitted.
That first night we went to a Soi 3 beer bar. Instead of throwing Loss to the wolves I introduced Loss to lost kitten. She wasn’t a beauty but was more of the sweet, plain, girl next door type. I asked her what her name was and her name doesn’t match the name tag she was sporting. We try to figure out decent English spelling but it was almost impossible. Her name sounds almost like fuel without the f (uel, ooel, uhol.)
Somebody should have given her an easy bar name! I knew she hadn’t been working bar very long because she hardly wore any makeup, dressed very conservatively, couldn’t speak any English and I beat her at connect 4 even though I suck at that game. We later played team pool with Loss and Uel. My partner and I won every game as it was like two playing against one. As the night is close to ending I ask Loss if he wants to bar fine the girl. He hesitates for a while then agrees. I tell Uel(?) that Loss wants to pay bar for her and giving her that hands motion for intercourse, I tell her for long time and the amount he would tip her in the morning. The newbie that she is, she starts blushing a deep red at the intercourse hands motion but agrees to accompany Loss. As we are leaving all the other girls are clapping for Uel as I believed it was her first bar fine ever.
When we arrived at the hotel I wished them both chok dee and we go our separate ways to our rooms. In my room after showers and as I was into intimate relations with my date, I receive a phone call (coitus interuptus). Loss is calling to ask me to translate what Uel is saying. They’re going back and forth with Uel saying ”Alai?” and Loss saying “What?” They‘re saying the same thing in their own language!! I inform him of this and try to get back to the intimacy of before the call. Getting in the groove again, another phone call but this time it’s Uel asking to speak to the girl I’m with. It was then requested of me to explain to Loss about the showering procedure before boom boom. I tell the girl I’m with to inform Uel to just grab Loss’s hand and proceed to the shower. I also said to not call anymore and try to work it out themselves.
The next morning at breakfast I was told the story of how Loss had handed out 2,000 baht payment and Uel shook her head and refused the amount so he added another 1,000 baht making it 3,000 baht and Uel again vehemently refused. He told us no way was he going to pay 4,000! She ended up calling another girl from the same bar that had spent the night with one of my other friends. I guess they didn’t want to disturb me any more after the previous night! I had set up the price when I asked her if she would like to accompany Loss the previous night and I guess I didn’t tell him the price I arranged. The payment for services rendered was then sorted out without any further problems. Uel confirmed her newbie status as any girl in the business for a while would have gladly have taken the 2,000 baht and surely wouldn’t have turned down 3,000! Thus ended Loss’s introduction to the land of smiles