Stickman Readers' Submissions April 19th, 2011

Hart of Darkness Part 3

I give Beemo a dirty look and sit down to eat my spring rolls and brood. I like brooding. I don't mind scammers. They have every right to make a living just like me. After all, I was part of the greatest scam ever invented. You know when you go into
Mickey D's and you hand over some hard-earned and come out with a bag that feels like its full of air? Its the same as my scam. Every Sunday the sheep would file in. They got nothing from me except platitudes and in return I got money on
the plate.

After Sunday lunch and some postprandial play with Mrs George, my housekeeper, we'd count the money. She always got a tip. What a dirty bitch! Cheating her husband, cheating the Church, sometimes cheating ME! I knew she used to pinch
some altar wine. Thieving slut!

He Clinic Bangkok

Oh, ok call me a cynic. Go on. I love it.

I was a strange looking kid. Jet black hair and emerald green eyes. Father O’Leary was scared of me. I knew he was a scammer of the highest order. But I knew I could be better. I was only trying to open our congregation's minds
to the metaphysical when I suggested to Mrs George that we take a trip up into the hills to collect those gold tops. She was all for it, the saucy scamp. She made a kind of tea liqueur from it and added it to the next week's altar wine. Hey
,t hey got what they paid for! Some even wanted to cause a schism and appoint me the new messiah. Hah!

But I was growing tired of it all.

CBD bangkok

So I handed in my cassock, my gold crosses, all the other paraphernalia and had myself ex-communicated. I had withdrawn my ambassadors from God's Kingdom long before.

Hmmmm…brooding…hmmm…helps me digest the spring rolls.

Night falling.

“Meestah Hart, Meestah Hart!”

wonderland clinic

“Hrmmph?! What?!!”

“Oh, Beemo.”

“We go Nagoya Center?”

“Yeah, yeah let's go”

Down the hill.

First stop, Lucy's Oarhouse. OMG! Sorry boss.

What a disaster. Well ok the night's young let's get a few Bintangs on board.

No talent. At least its cooler and quiet. Feel some more brooding coming on. Snap out of it Monsignor!

Couple hours. Outside. “Beemo!!!”

“Where next?”

The name of the next place slips my memory. That's lucky for you, lads, because, as long as you live you, never wanna go there. You've all been to some disappointing Go-Go's in Thailand right? Ever been to a place where the
girls are so dispirited they don't even get up to dance? EVER!?!

Surly, sneering, angry looks at you. Hey, you're the only customer. No wait a minute, there's a Chinese triad in that distant cubicle working out the loan payments on their abuci for the owner. I bless them with the sign of the
cross and they're all smiles. Somebody gonna lose a finger tonight. Only out of my clerical habit of self flagellation I decide to order a cold bintang.

It's warm! I knew this would happen. Ever frugal, I force it down, gagging and re-swallowing the vomit.

Finally finish and stagger outside to the open air sauna.

“Beemo, I'm feeling a bit peckish.”

Beemo and Fun's eyes light up with the brilliance of a thousand suns. Off the three amigos go to an open air bar-b-queue kinda place. I can't describe it better coz its pitch black.

“Beers all round Beemo!”

“Meestah Hart not so loud!” “It's musaleem place.”

“Ok, ok.” in a whisper. “Just get me some beer and some prawns, Chimba.”

Food wise and beer wise this place is ok. Now I want talent.

“Beemo, get me a babe. Then I'm going back to the Golden View.” Beemo snags the phone.

Twenty minutes later TWO girls show up. WTF?!?!

I can't see'em. It's really pitch black here. No ploblem. Beemo's got a handy torch. They are both spectacular, one a year or two older than the other. I say “I'll take number one.” Beemo says “You
gotta take both, they are sisters, number two, she in tlaining.”

“So, I gotta train her?” “She should pay me.”

“Har, har, you velly funny business!”

“Ok, ok I'll take'em both, let's go.”

“You go car first, we bring ladies later.”

“Huh?” “Fuck that, they're coming with me.”

“Meestah Hart, no, here moosaleem, cannot.”

“Fuck off, let's go!”

We troop off. Now I know Beemo's cautions were well intentioned. All along the street to the car we get “Whoooooooooooo…whistles ….catcalls” and other assorted indo mumbo jumbo.

Strangely the girls seem to enjoy it.

So, back up the hill to the Golden View.

To be continued…

nana plaza