Stickman Readers' Submissions April 16th, 2011

Hart of Darkness Part 2

Outside into the blinding light and the heat melting the gold wings on my rimless tinted spectacles. Hmmm…. ignore Beemo's babble for a few minutes while I consider my options. Hey they're all the same, right? And Beemo does speak fairly acceptable
english. So I tune in to what the monkey is saying.

“This driver – he name “Fun”. We go limo. Good hotel. You like. Good for you. Relaxing.”

He Clinic Bangkok

“Beemo, I want a cheap place”

“Velly cheeep! You rike. You same me. You good business!” He proffers a grubby pamphlet lavishly extolling the excellence of the facilities of the Golden View Resort and Casino. The much thumbed leaflet has gotta be 10 years


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Considering the meagre pension of a defrocked priest, I rarely allow myself an extravagance and small guest-houses and inns are really my style. My favourite in all of SEA is the All Nations Guest House of Hua Hin. Must have something to
do with the cloistered life back in the Seminary. The homely food, the spartan rooms…sigh!


Ok Beemo, let's go!

The “limo” is a twenty year old beat up Nissan President with bald tyres.

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First stop Petronas for gas. “Meestah Hart you pay ok?”

“How much?”

“500,000 for gas but need 100,000 for tip.”

“Hmmm….how long is that gonna last Beemo?”

“It's ok you stay here three days…we take you everywhere.”

“You mean you're gonna take me to the cleaners.”

“You wanna go cleaner? We go hotel.”

“Hmmmm… let's go Beemo.”

In the car….

“You know Fun? He polis! Hehehehe. He take care everything. No trouble for you.”

Fun's wearing one of those t-shirts with “POLICE” printed on it. You know the kind. Get'em anywhere.


Up into the hills.

The Golden View.

Check-in. Up to the room. Beemo jumps on the bed. “Nice room, huh Meestah Hart?”

I got a midget rolling round on my bed, I'm hot and sweaty and I got a migraine coming on.

“Beemo, I need some “ME TIME” so would you please piss-off?”

“Ok, Ok no ploblem.”

Three hours later I'm rested, showered, shaved and so hungry I could eat the hairs out of a dead bear's bum.

Downstairs. Most of the fabled facilities of the Golden View are closed and it looks like I'm the only guest. Kinda like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining"…heheheh….makes me smile. An Indo katoey waiter sidles up and tells
me he's glad I'm enjoying my stay at the fabulous Golden View. I say “Gimme a menu!”

He sashays off with all the confidence of Bruno at the Milan Spring Fashion Show.

“I'll have the deep fried chicken wings.”

“No Have.” – smiling.

“Ok, gimme the satay chicken.”

“No Have.” – even more toothy grin.

On and on til I get to the spring rolls.

“Have” – looking disappointed. “Thirty minutes.”

“Why….?????….oh nevermind just bring'em…and a Bintang chop chop!”

Girly giggles.

I take the Bintang out on to the Terrace and reflect on my life thus far. A few minor indiscretions and THEY see fit to defrock ME! Hmmm. Well now, seeing as its sanctioned by the Holy See I think I'll do a bit of defrocking myself.
Casting my eyes over the decaying casino, the empty pool, the silent karaoke rooms….most people might probably feel sad in a deserted cavernous place like this, but not me. I feel elated. Reminds me of church without the pestering parishioners

Then I see Beemo and Fun lounging by the car in the driveway…hmmmmm.

To be continued….


Waiting for part 3.

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