Stickman Readers' Submissions April 11th, 2011

7 Years Of Madness Part 2

I returned to Thailand A) delighted that my son was going to be fine and B) excited to start my new teaching job. And yes, I was pleased to see Apple again.

Entering the staff room for the first time, I was excited and nervous but I found the other teachers quite friendly. So I started teaching English, Maths and History to 8 – 9 year olds. Nice bunch of kids, real mix-Thai-American-English-French
and Thai mix with farang.

He Clinic Bangkok

Things ran smoothly at first, but 1 kid had me puzzled..very strange behavior. Talking to himself..walking in a straight line and bouncing off things till he deflected himself to where he wanted to go. Now I'm not a psychiatrist, not
full time anyway. But I can tell there is something wrong with this kid. Other teachers have picked up on this also. The parents were called and they abruptly refused to acknowledge anything was wrong. Well, after some time and some coaxing, we
discovered that his mum was Thai and her husband had left her and the boy for someone else. The Mum then married her ex's father. So this poor kid's dad was his grand dad, I mean his grand dad was his dad. Well, if I'm confused,
what about the poor kid?!

All the kids obviously paid a great deal of attention to my enthralling lessons, especially on Victorian Britain. One question in the end of term exam simply asked. Who was Queen Victoria's husband? After being told the answer everyday
for a term it was a gift question. Not to Nat, 'POKÉMON' he proudly answered.

One day I woke up and leaving the sleeping Apple to dream about the future I showered and started to dress for work. Damn…no shirt!

CBD bangkok

'Apple' I called, 'I don't have a shirt, is it in the laundry'?

She sat up, looked at me and with total seriousness said, 'Paul, I'm a fucking machine, NOT a washing machine.' She went back to sleep and I laughed all the way to school.

'Paul, Pepe and Jack' the principal announced, 'Tomorrow you are going to the education dept to have your degrees verified.'

Oh shit, I thought! I got hammered that night!

wonderland clinic

Next day, we are in the office of a very pissed off looking official, waiting to verify our degrees. 'The game's up' I tell myself, I'll get sacked for sure, booted out of Thailand, lose my condo, a 'don't come
back ' stamp in my passport.

First up was Pepe. Pepe is French and his music degree is from a top university in Paris, supported by documents detailing an illustrious teaching career in the US.

'I don't believe you' said the official. A huge row followed. Only the intervention of the school's owner got him signed off.

Next Jack. He is the proud owner of a double masters from some Uni in Oz. Jack had a Thai wife and fancied himself as a Thai speaker. But something went wrong while he's talking to the guy. Maybe Jack insulted him by accident, I don't
know. I was too busy crapping myself. Again the owner had to intervene.

Now it's my turn. The official, now very agitated, looked at me, then looked at my hooky degree, badly laminated and self bent over corners. 'Sign here ' he demanded.

I signed. 'Thank you' I said calmly and walked out.

A very worrying sign at school was the deteriorating behavior of the PE teacher. He always got to school early for a swim and after he would parade naked in all his Australian glory around the pool area. He also started carrying girl students
'cradle like' in his arms around school.

A few of us told the principal but nothing happened. I just kept my distance from this guy.

A while later a parent came to school. The PE teacher had given an 8 year old girl a mobile phone. Somehow it was all smoothed over.

I kept even further away now.

I was quite a popular teacher by now and I had started doing football training after school 2 – 3 times a week. The school had never in its history played a competitive game against another school, so the boys asked me to arrange this.

The owner of the school was dead against this. In case we got beaten and it reflected badly on the good name of the school!

I assured her everything will be fine, told her to trust me. I told her my team was ready. I pleaded and she reluctantly agreed as long as there was no expense to the school. So, me and a few other teachers paid for the minibus to take the
students to play the match at another local school. Lots of the kids came to cheer us on and I was very proud of them all and my team.

We lost 6-1 .

The German teacher was fired because the native German students complained that whatever the Thai professor was teaching, it sure as hell wasn't German.

Nathalie was summoned to the owner's office and was told 'You are the new German teacher.'

'But I'm Dutch', said Nat.

'Yes' said the owner. 'I looked at the map, and Holland is the nearest country to Germany, so you are the nearest we have to a German teacher'!

'I don't speak German', protested Nat.

I had a solution. After living in Spain for 10 years my Spanish was pretty good. So I became Head of Modern Foreign languages. I taught Spanish to Thais, Koreans, Japanese, Flips, English and others. Were they interested? Did they care? Not
a hope! At least it got me away from Victorian Britain. I organised an activity day in Spanish for the whole school. Everyone said it was a great day and I was quite proud of myself.

I had the feeling that my time with Apple was coming to an end despite us having a good time and a wonderful holiday in Phuket. She was high maintenance, and the demands from mama – who was having an affair with a Thai guy somewhere – became

No way I'm going to finance that. So I needed a reason to stop with Apple. But what?

Loy Krathong came and Apple looked beyond amazing in her traditional Thai outfit. We launched our little boat of leaves and candles into the sea at Jomtien beach. She kissed me and said 'Paul, I hope we marry soon.'

Damn, now I'm going to need a very good reason to stop with her!

She always slept with her phone off at night and put it in the bedside cabinet. So one night I took it to the bathroom -switched on – and instantly BLEEP BLEEP, a message. I read it…'see you tomorrow' it said in English. The sender
was George. George…George? Who the hell is George. I'm thinking…and thinking…GOT IT! He's an old guy who was often in the bar where we met. He's old – very old. So old he's nearly dead. What the hell?

Next morning I rang him. He denied everything at first, but once I assured him I wasn't going to kick his head in, he admitted everything.

So, I had my excuse and I kicked Apple out. She had the good grace to apologise. 'Sorry Paul, I am a prostitute'.

Fair enough!

So, Apple went to live with George. It was a painful time for me as I was still fond of her. The fact that George was 72 pissed me off too. I can only assume he had a bigger …ummm ATM card than me!

Things didn't work out too badly actually. Apple would visit me often…one time after we'd just had sex the phone rang. It was George.

'Where are you'? he asked Apple.

She replied ' I'm with Ning, we go see lady about future.'

I was ecstatic! Got you back, George, you 72-year old bastard.

On my own now for about 8 months. I was not happy nor unhappy. I saw Apple a bit and had an affair with a Filipina teacher from work. She fell for me hard and I really broke her heart. But we still remain friends to this day. Countless 'interviews'
for a replacement Apple followed, most of them not worth a mention, except #7 from a well known gogo bar. That girl was a contortionist…excellent!

I went with a girl from Bangkok for a little while. that was very un-natural and I can't detail here what happened, but if anyone saw Richard Harris in 'A Man Called Horse' when he was being tortured, well that what she had
me do to her. Bizarre.

I even let one girl move in for a while. Thip or Nip or Shit or something. I forget her name.

Being on gate duty at school was always interesting, saying 'good morning' to the parents as they dropped their kids off. Seeing Dad with his latest girlfriend – maybe the kid had a different Mum every time he went down for breakfast.
The kids that were always late when their European Dads were back to work. The Mums were back to the bar as soon as hubby was gone.

I know I blagged my way into this job. I'm not a real teacher, but I honestly did my best for these great kids.

And so after 8 months, who would enter my life but Ting…

This part of my story is the most difficult to write, but I hope by putting it on paper will finally put this episode to rest and stop me going crazy and end the bitterness I feel.

I was introduced to Ting by a friend whose girlfriend was Ting's sister-in-law. Nothing happened at first, no tongue on the floor, no spark…nothing. But she had a certain quality about her. She wasn't a bar girl. She was working
for a local Norwegian real estate company.

So I started spending time with her. She told me her story – the Thai husband had slept with her friend and they finished.

We would go to the movies, bbq, all innocent stuff. I would leave a snack at her door everyday on my way to school. The inevitable happened after a couple of months and I met her parents and we moved in together. We talked about the future
and we decided to move from Pattaya to Nongkhai. I was happy with this because I didn't want to live in Pattaya forever.

I was happy with her, and although the sex was ok, it was a bit lacking in frequency. I saw this as a good sign that I'd got myself a decent Thai girl and not a bar girl.

She would often say things like 'I'm a good Thai lady'. 'I promise I will not do wrong' and 'I don't like to tell lie'. So now I'm very confident with her.

She had a son, about 7. He has a disability, can't walk so well, a gammy arm and can't control his mouth so he's dribbling all the time. But, if I love Ting , I got to love him too, right? Even if I do get soaked every time.

One issue that worried me was that when we were 'fooling around', she would bite my stomach. Not a playful nip to raise sexual tension, but a full blooded BITE. Even breaking my skin, hurt like hell, roll around on the floor time.
It happened more than once.

So we move to Nongkhai. I foolishly quit my job, and because we needed more money to fulfill our plans I arrange to work in the UK. I felt happy to work for this and I did the night shift and overtime at weekends.

We bought land and I excitedly designed our dream home. We married on one of my trips. Not in the village but in Nong Jock. Near where her sister lived.

I sell my condo to fund the building of the house. (Say nothing, Stick readers, I know what you're thinking). Building starts. I send money. Well, she's my wife. She loves me, right?

I get updates and pictures of the house…this is going to be really special!

INFO: If you drive from Friendship Bridge towards Udon Thani, about 5 km on the left-hand side there is a popular market. MY house is the big one you can see about 250 metres down this lane.

But her attitude is changing, almost like she's taunting me. I get a picture of her at a local beauty spot. But who took the picture? One picture of her had the caption 'Who's wife'? She would call me in the morning. 'I
just want to hear your voice, Paul.' But her phone is off in the evening. Once she didn't answer for 4 days. She told a bizarre lie about her father to cover her tracks. I feel I have no option but to continue as all my money is in the

I went to see the house nearly completed, magnificent! I want to live here till I die.

We also arrange a visa for Ting to come to UK. The application was fine, no problems.

So she came to the UK. Met my family and they liked her. I thought she liked them too.

While she was with me, her laptop packed up, so I offered mine. While I'm at work she can have YouTube and contact her family. I came home from work one day and looked at the screen. One conversation box was minimised. I opened it. WTF!
-conversation with a Thai guy…her husband! I'm shaking now…he is calling her his wife.

I challenge her and I'm in shock! She says she was translating for a friend!

'How can we be together if you don't trust love' she cries. 'Why don't you believe me'?

Everything falls into place now, but what to do?

I downloaded a keylogger program while she was in the shower. Is this legal? Legal! What do I care?!

Next day after work, I find it – her password!

The news is worse than I can imagine.

Yep! He's her husband. They married in a temple 'after' she was married to me.

At work I translate all the emails. Then I take a chance, I guess at his password. Clever girl, she's set up both e-mail accounts and used the same password, so she can monitor him too.

I now have access to his and her accounts. I see pictures of them together and that hurt. But I also see the insane lies that she's telling him too. Unbelievable stuff.

I lay the law down. NO more contact. ZERO. Change mobile number, I tell her. Any contact and we finish. She agrees. 'Finish with him already' she says.

All is quiet for a while, Maybe, I hope, maybe everything will be ok. The weeks pass, but I'm paranoid, checking the e-mail 10 times a day.

Then 1 day…'I send you a blow job from…' That was enough.

'WE FINISH' I tell her.

The first blow cut my lip, second made my nose bleed and the next on my jaw. She'd lost it.

I have no choice. I send her back to Thailand.

I don't know what she's going to tell her family, but she's going to lose face.

Hell no. I'm going to make SURE she loses face!

To be continued…


Wow! We haven't had many submissions of this type recently and I have to say that I really miss them – and am thoroughly enjoying this story!

nana plaza