Readers' Submissions

15 Things Bargirls And Paris Hilton Have In Common

  • Written by Big Boy
  • April 5th, 2011
  • 4 min read


(1) – I have seriously wanted to marry both a BARGIRL and PARIS HILTON.

(2) – Both PARIS HILTON and BARGIRLS think they are better than us, they also drink and drive on highways, party for a living and date many guys all at the same time.

(3) – Both PARIS HILTON and BARGIRLS have perfected the innocent lost little babe in the woods routine, it is similar to the helpless little girl that needs rescuing from the big bad wolf routine and has a lot in common with the princess that needs saving by the dashing knight on a stallion act which is currently being played out in a cinema near your home, produced by the Disney DreamWorks Pixar fantasy machine…

(4) – As regards the previous point let all would be shining Knights in dashing suits of armour please be aware that both PARIS HILTON and BARGIRLS are expert actresses with years of pooled knowledge and practice on foreign men so please be aware that all that glitters is not gold and sometimes the surprise at the end of the rainbow is not a shiny pot but a legally binding alimony demand, court ordered asset split or bankruptcy form.

(5) – Both PARIS HILTON and BARGIRLS sprinkle well past it fatties with magical illusion dust…Rumours of where this Magical illusion dust come from are abundant and shrouded in mysteries the orient does not yield up easily to outsiders. Deadbeat degenerate oddballs, weird non-conformist adventurers, millionaire big shots and even young, sexy good looking guys are powerless when they breathe in the magical dusts sweet aroma.

(6) – When dazzling me with their womanly charms Anything PARIS HILTON or a BARGIRL says to me I will take at face value and believe. I refuse to believe that either of these two whose lips give me so much pleasure could ever dispense lies and deliver so much pain.

(7) – The obvious point here is that they are both hot and I think about them both way too much. BARGIRLS are fun, PARIS HILTON is fun and I am on the quest for fun in the sun. The sun is yellow, Paris has yellow hair and I have yellow fever.

(8) – PARIS HILTON claims to be vegetarian. She don’t eat meat but she sure likes a bone. BARGIRLS eat men, bone and all and can’t spell vegetarian…

(9) – I would gladly travel many hours out of my way flying in a tin can, blowing vast sums of cash and risking my squeaky clean image at home just to spend some time with a BARGIRL or PARIS HILTON.

(10) – PARIS HILTON and BARGIRLS are both experts at drawing all eyes in their direction while they are at "work" and are expert manipulators of men, their expert gift in their bag of tricks is let the men foolishly believe they are not being manipulated by a bag of tricks… I have it on good authority that this bag of tricks was designed by Rumplestiltskin, Merlin, Lord Voldemort and Coco Chanel. Albert Einstein added something to the bag of tricks and Elizabeth Taylor sprinkled something on it. The bag of tricks was also passed between Warren Buffet, Scarlett Johansen and Winston Churchill. All you have to protect yourself from this bag of tricks is your wallet.

(11) – Both PARIS HILTON and BARGIRLS have the same 2 woman they idolise, hero worship and wish to emulate. These woman are Anna Murdoch and Slavica Ecclestone. This lucky pair both received Billion dollar divorce settlements and are set for life. Next time any of us complain about the high prices in Nana Plaza just think what these husbands paid for all that sex.

(12) – Even though I am a dog lover I hate PARIS HILTONS dog. Its a small ratty mouse dog handbag accessory. I also hate my BARGIRLS dog. The dog has taught

me how to beg for sex from the bargirl and trained her to roll over and go to sleep when I beg. I feel sorry for it. Its less a dog and more like a bundle of filth on a lead.

(13) – PARIS HILTON and BARGIRLS have actually both said this :"Could you put those handcuffs on me again? It makes me feel like I’m in my own bed."…

(14) – Even though I know I should not love PARIS HILTON and BARGIRLS so much I keep offering them my heart on a silver platter. I surely should treat them as friends and not soul mates, after all they are just ceiling inspectors.

(15) – Putting PARIS HILTON or a BARGIRL in charge of your Bank account will see your balance quickly move from the black into the red. Think of the way a race cars engine needle moves into the red before it blows. In fact if either one of these sweethearts gets their hands on your credit card or cheque book expect to soon see a river of red ink gushing down the halls like blood in "The Shining".


Stickman's thoughts:

Nice one, and no doubt all so true!