Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 280

  • Written by Dana
  • March 12th, 2011
  • 6 min read


Hello Sticksters and Danaites: A small essay followed by a story. Enjoy. We start with something titled:

Indentured Service to a Pitiless Land

Recently, an online farang-Thai arena web administrator expressed the opinion that we ought not be so judgmental and unsympathetic to girls who leave the country to come to the city to try and improve their lives. They know better what life cards they are holding and they know better their probable future if they do not gamble on happier results in a different place. We should respect the gamble and the desire for a better life.

I agree. I don't agree happily or with philosophic flag waving, but I agree that humans ought to have the right to take desperate measures in desperate circumstances. And there are fewer social circumstances more desperate than 3rd world agrarian based economics. Agriculture is an alternative to the hunter-gatherer way of life, but alternative does not necessarily confer connotations of success or happiness or guarantees. Mostly, in Thailand, agriculture is a credit dependent hand-to-mouth form of indentured service to a pitiless land. No thing cares for you less than nature.

People naturally bridle at slavery, and agriculture that constantly teeters on failure is a form of slavery. The mortar and pestle of agriculture obligation and poverty grinds fine so in my mind the young lady fleeing this present and rolling the dice for a better future in the city ought to at least be given the benefit of the doubt.

Forcing her to wear a western strait jacket of morals to make ourselves feel good only illustrates our ignorance and lack of charity. In addition, many of the young ladies I meet in tourist serving venues are mothers. Off come the clothes at the Mothership or the A.A. Hotel and I am confronted with stretch marks. I don't have a bad girl in my arms; I have a good girl in my arms who is trying to be a good mother.

A mother? A baby? It sucks the monger juice out of me but at least I am left with the dignity of the humans involved. You can feel too much and you can know too much.

Finally, I just wish happiness for everyone. I guess that is my social baseline. I 'm too tired to wave philosophic flags and I'm too suspicious to volunteer for politically correct regimens. Desperate measures sometimes call for desperate actions and I just wish for everyone a smile and a happy ending.

But that is not really what I want to talk about today. What I really want to talk about today is:

HOW CAN IT HAVE GONE SO WRONG?

Scene: Lucky Luke's bar on Soi 4 off Sukhumvit Road in Bangkok.
Principals:

Dana
Rodney
Bargirl Lek

Rodney: Hi Dana.

Dana: Oh, hi Rodney. What's up? I haven't seen you in over two years.

Rodney: Well, after two years, a great deal of money, and the employ of one expat legal firm and one Thai legal firm; I finally got a modern divorce from Poon.

Dana: Modern?

Rodney: Yes, property and asset disposition plus documents that were encased in concrete. I lost some of my cash assets, some of my property, and most of my pride; but I am done.

Dana: Describe Poon to me again . . .

Rodney: She was trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.

Dana: Ok Rodney, that's the Boy Scout oath: even an aging monger like me knows that. Bring it down a little.

Rodney: What are you doing here anyway?

Dana: I'm waiting for Dean Barrett. This is one of his watering holes. I've never met him before and I would like to. I have a book here for him to sign, and I am rehearsing what I am going to say to the great man.

Rodney: Ok, well, that is the Boy Scout oath but I thought it was all true. And you can add sexually riveting. You don't see that in the Boy Scout handbook.

Dana: Might be in the gay version.

Rodney: She was also tender, fun, interesting, educated, feminine, loving, thoughtful, mature, well liked, adored by my parents, accepted by my kids, and without an ounce of selfishness. She could also stand on her hands in the shower (you can actually imagine that two ways), suck a ping pong ball through a garden hose, and sew on a button in thirty seconds. And get this: she knew how to sing Christmas carols–in English. She was the most perfect woman I ever met.

Dana: Wow . . .

Rodney: How can it have gone so wrong?

Dana: Simple–you made the same mistake that scientists make every day. You assumed all the evidence was in. Just like scientists, you made private decisions and public statements (marriage) based on the erroneous supposition that all the evidence was in.

Rodney: Oh . . .

Dana: In a boundless universe with limitless possibilities how can we in our non-eternal lives ever assume all the evidence is in or known by us?

Rodney: Well, what about when lab experiments perfectly match equations?

Dana: Most of the universe is not even visible. Our lab experiments and math equations are mere toys. Something to play with. The universe lets us play with cosmological Rubic's Cubes. Only a fool would assume that all the evidence necessary for accurate decision making is in.

Rodney: I take your point better now than I would have when I was under the influence. I am a fool. I think all the evidence is definitely in on that. Unfortunately, she was some other things I did not know about.

Dana: Exactly, now that you have said it, I can say it. You have to assume in every human relationship that you do not know everything, and that you will never know everything. It's all about risk assessment, risk acceptance, and throwing the dice. You have to look at your relationship with your Thai lady as your own private little cosmos and you are a physicist. And don't forget, most of the universe is composed of invisible dark matter and invisible dark energy; and with a Thai lady it can be very dark matter and very dark energy.

Rodney: You're telling me . . .

Dana: Like Zane Grey in the 30's, Poon and her family chummed the water. You went for the lure and got hooked. Your story is no King Lear. Unfortunately, you are just a number.

Rodney: Ok, but what about . . .

Dana: Oh, I see Dean Barrett; I gotta go.

Rodney: See ya. I'll tell you one thing I have learned from all of this.

Dana: What's that?

Rodney: As long as the blood flows in these arms, and in these legs, and in these eyes, and in these feet, and in this brain, and in these testicles there are no circumstances under which I will ever ever ever get involved with a Thai female again.

Dana: Good on you–gotta go.

Bargirl Lek: That will be 140 baht for you drink sir.

Rodney: Here you go. Kop khun khrap.

Bargirl: Kop khun ka. What your name?

Rodney: My name is Rodney. What is your name?

Bargirl Lek: My name Lek. You velly hansum man.


Stickman's thoughts:

:)