Stickman Readers' Submissions March 7th, 2011

Pattaya Experience From The Eyes of a 25-Year Old

I'm a farang from Belgium… English isn't my native language and some mistakes can occur in this text.

He Clinic Bangkok

Now Pattaya from the perspective of a complete freshman in Thailand…

When I first came in Pattaya I heard all about the infamous bar ladies in Thailand and needless to say I had to check em out. I mean discos are great but I came there for all the ladies like most of us do, right?

So I stayed in Pattaya for 4 weeks. The first 2 weeks I had about 2 ladies every day since none of them could hold my interest. I'm not a demanding guy, but most of them seemed to lie to me (which they probably did) and gave me the feeling that whilst they were having fun they weren't trustworthy or the party animal I'd been looking for. Also in bed most could not keep up to my high demands.

CBD bangkok

That is until I met Oi (fictive name).

She, like all the others in Pattaya, tried to drag me in to her bar, but since I don't like being treated as prey I normally refuse. Unfortunately on that moment my friends convinced me to go in anyway, since they liked to play a game of pool, (which was all we did during the day). We talked a bit and I decided to take her with me. The girl was stunning according to our beliefs – slim, pretty but a dark skin, as all bargirls from Isaan have. It seemed to me that she was very fun to talk to, very spontaneous and very daring. She wasn't shy like the others when I met her, and was very open about everything.

The night I took her with me, I fell sick with fever but I decided to make the best of it, hoping it would pass away. Anyways, I fell terribly ill and my friends suggested I should go to the hospital. Knowing the stubborn ass I can be , I said hell no, chances are high in Thailand I won't come out of the hospital! They gave me pills like it was candy, but I threw them away since I don't like medication. She suggested she would take care of me, as I said no, you could become sick too, but she insisted. Since I couldn't get out of bed, it wasn't a bad idea to have someone bring me food and drinks. So I said sure why not, I'll pay you like I'd pay you normally.

Several days passed by and we got to know each other a little bit better. I heard the stories about how she didn't want to be with a Thai men any more since the last one abused her, beat her to a pulp etc. She told me she loved this Thai guy for more then a year after but that it's been another year since she doesn't want him anymore. She had a sick mother, her child and a lazy brother that doesn't go to work (she told me he cant because he's weak) – you know the regular crap bargirls tend to feed us farangs.

wonderland clinic

So I went with it. Apparently she told me about her father that loved her a lot and wanted her to go to school (he was an officer) but he died when she was 13 and she had to go work in a factory… Long story short, we talked about our lives and what we wanted to do. She was in it for the money she told me (finally, not a lie I thought by myself) and she vowed never to fall in love again and keep doing this work until she was older and did not want to have sex no more. She didn't like sex anyway but it made her money. (I think she told me about 40+ years??? with)

Anyways, I got better and I took her out and we had a lot of fun together. That night she told me I had to boom boom her because I paid for her days and she wanted to get even with me or something. I was up for the job (finally) and we had a good night, a whole night (I've been knocked out for a couple of days so what do you expect?)

The next day I was going to Ko Samui for the Full Moon party and I told her I'd be back for her because I enjoyed her company as a lady, in which she responded, you can say you come back, but you will not. Farang same same, lie all the time. So in this case she didn't like farang men either. Some of them promised to marry her but to no avail. She told me about 2 farang boyfriends she had, but she didn't love them. She told them that she liked them, but did not love them as they gave her money. One of them bought her a bar, but she refused as it would be a "bad" thing to do because she didn't love him and did not want to marry him.

So I went to the Full Moon party and came back earlier than I said. I thought she would be happy to see me but instead she gave me a response with a smile but burning hate in her eyes, "Why you lie to me, you tell me you come back tomorrow, you sure you go to Ko Samui."

I start laughing and told her I came back early because I missed her (which I did). Luckily for me I already told one of her bargirl friends that I came back early and that I was looking for her so that turned out to be good in my part, since at first she didn't want to come with me. She's more of a one-day girl she told me. (BS I think with myself since I'm a very distrusting person).

And from here on the fun part begins, I FALL IN LOVE WITH HER (I'm a retard I know).

Carefully planning never to fall in love with any girl and just have fun with the ladies, whether it be in Belgium or Thailand, love is for the weak, not for me, at least I thought it was…

So that night I tell her I'm start falling in love with her and I want her gone because I'm not going to lose my heart to some bargirl. She asks me what she did wrong, so I tried explaining. She told me she understood and she wanted to cut my nails before she went back, something as a last payment since I've paid her bar fine and her for the night. So she starts clipping my nails as she clips away a chunk of my thumbnail (which pretty much hurt might I add) since she was trembling a bit. Then my first reaction was, "Whoa, seriously, that hurts! If you can't clip my nails please don't do so! Can't you do anything right?" (I'm not an asshole, I said it in a laughing manner as we kept teasing each other during the days).

To my surprise, she starts crying and tells me "Why you tell me that! I'm no good? You only take me because I take care of you! You bad man! You make me lose face!" That being said, I told her that wasn't the case, but the reason was gone for a second and I told her she could stay for the night if she wanted to, but she told me she wanted to go. I apologized to her, saying I didn't mean that, and after a joke or 2 she started smiling which I teasingly forbade her to do if she wanted to punish me, "You can't laugh, otherwise I won't take you seriously!" That put aside, she wanted to stay for one more night.

During the night after the sex she crawled up to me, something she did before but not when we first met each other. She told me koi mak chau lailai der, and started to cry again. Might I add she considers herself a strong person and never cries in public, which I asked her friends about and they confirmed a couple of days before that happened. I asked her what it means and she told me that she loves me but doesn't want to because I'm going to break her heart. (Bargirls have a heart? Thinking by myself, ok, let's see where this goes.)

Misery I think is going to happen. We had a wonderful vacation and I called her a dirty girl because she didn't go back to change her clothes because all she wanted was to stay with me for 3 days. Yeah, she did take a shower 3 times a day.

That aside, I didn't have to pay her anymore. She said, I just had to pay the barfine. And she wanted me to wear my regular shirt because normally I wear decent clothes, but she didn't want me to be 'handsome" for some unexplainable reason.

Now the last day (which I thought should have been my last) we went to the airport but our flight got cancelled due to a connection via Cairo. So we decided to stay a bit longer but I didn't have any more cash on me, and I had my visa blocked for that month, in case someone stole it.

So I went back to Pattaya with 5,000 baht and 4 more days to go. I'm screwed, but I'll go see her anyways. She's away with a customer. I call her, and she sounds really really drunk (she never drinks alcohol, at least not with me, not on party either). She told me she'd come and leave her customer and 15 minutes later she stumbles towards me. I'm pissed like hell because she doesn't wanna drink alcohol with me. I don't drink much either, but sometimes a beer can taste like the nectar of the gods. She tells me it's because she missed me?

She comes with me and she decides to pay for me, food and trip etc. I told her I'd pay her back so she needn't worry too much about it. I never asked for her money, or did I ask her to stay with me. I realise they do it for the money. But she still claims to love me. At least until this happens, her friends ask her if she's in love with me but for the first time she's shy and replies, "He's my boyfriend."

I'm like what the hell? You tell me you love me in the room, but if someone else asks you, you're afraid to answer? Just, he's my boyfriend, so I think I can cope. Her friends say something in Thai, and every bar lady out of the bar comes to look at her and start talking to her. She's gone from party animal to the shyest girl I've seen in a matter of seconds.

Now I'm going back to Belgium and she tells me she's going to stay with her parents since she wants to go see them. Lie or not, she told her mother about me, something she never does, because she didn't want her mother to know she works at a bar, but she told me her mother probably knew. How else would she get that kind of money? But because it was taboo she didn't talk about it with her mother before.

Turns out her mother doesn't like farang. I asked her to come to Belgium, but her mother told her she didn't want her to go.

We talked every day on the phone for 2 weeks, until she came back to Pattaya. During that time we had discussions, about money of course. I've sent her 20,000 baht for her services to me, and I asked her how much money she would need for not work in the bar again (like every love fool who loves a bargirl).

I asked her if she could cope with 10,000 baht every month, and she replied she couldn't. She needed 20,000 baht at least. So my reason takes over for a moment and I tell her I can't do that. I'm 25 years old and I need to save money for myself. Houses in Belgium don't come as cheap as they do in Thailand.

After that she tells me that she has to go work at the bar again because her family alone needs at least 10,000 baht every month, so she wouldn't have money for herself anymore. I tell her it's only for a while, but she can't do that, as her family is the most important thing to her, more then me she added.

So with no choice left, and a lot of pain in the heart she goes to work at the bar again, but to my surprise she calls me every day from the internet cafe and we talk every day for about 3 hours.

She claims she loves me, but I wonder. Still now my distrust in people wins it over love to her, and I can honestly say I never loved a woman like her before. We have many similarities and not just the ones I mentioned, also a lot of cultural differences (well duh). But to my idea, she always told me the truth at least since the day she told me she loves me.

I told her I'd go check for a visa etc and asked her if she wanted money from me. She told me she didn't want or expect any money, and that she gladly pays for me. Even now when she goes to the internet cafe she doesn't tell me she loves me out loud, only quietly so no-one can hear.

There are some other things but I don't know if they are from any importance unless someone asks me how did she respond to this or that but I'm writing most of the negative things down. I'm wondering if she really loves me or not. She tells me she does, but she wanted it differently since it would be much easier. She also told me that when I find another lady I should let her know, so she can stop worrying and 'think too much, is no good! you make me crazy!" kind of stuff. I asked her what if you fall in love with someone else? She told me that's possible, but not now. She loves me and it's hard for her to forget someone she loves. She cares about money, she wants money, but love is more important to her, so she claims, but she needs money either way for her family and sometimes she doesn't go to work more then is necessary, or so to make me believe.

Now for her I'm not a walking ATM anymore, just something she spends money on buying time at the internet cafe. Does she really love me or not? I cannot tell! What's your view on all this.

It's just driving me crazy and I want a professional view on this one. Go to Stickman they told me so here I am.


I'd like to say otherwise but I don't see any evidence that this lady really loves you. She seems to come up with all the usual clichéd rubbish and her behaviour is not that of a woman who truly loves a man. I'd guess that she sees you as just a guy who can help her out financially. That you're much younger than the average bar customer is a positive as young Thai women generally do prefer young Western guys despite what some will try and tell you.

You're only 25 years old. You're still young! Enjoy Thailand for what it is, but don't get sucked in by a bargirl, or any girl really, for that matter. Enjoy yourself for a few more years and then look for someone who you have stuff in common with and importantly, someone who can contribute to the relationship. From the way you have described her, it sounds to me like whoever ends up with her will be taking on one big liability.

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