Stickman Readers' Submissions March 5th, 2011

My Story Part 2

My first night in the mansion and I’m expecting a quiet night. I’m pretty knackered after the long drive and the Leos and Nang must have been tired considering she did the driving.

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So we retire to the master bedroom shower (farang style) and grab some sleep. 1 hour to the second she's nudging me to have another shower and get ready!

Bewildered and not wishing to offend my host, I jump into the shower and get changed. Whilst in the shower Nang has got me a litre bottle of Leo and a bucket of ice. I’ve been married a few times and the closest I’ve come to this sort of attention was when…no, nothing close to this. I won’t kid myself.

Leo half finished and I’m aware of noise in the garden and as time goes on it's getting louder. Not being one to panic I ask Nang what the noise was and she looks me in the eye with a deadpan expression and says tonight we eat farang.

Initial shock over and a change of underwear I realise she's joking and she tells me we're having a party to welcome me to the house.

I wanted the village experience and f^&* me was I going to get it.

The next thing I must do is call Mick and let him know I’ve arrived. Why did I bother? He was on a massive one in Walking Street and I’m not sure he knew who I was.

In the garden was a hive of activity. I was lead to a table and introduced to a high ranking policeman and his wife, nice people and his wife was stunner with big milk for a Thai lady. All of a sudden I was the centre of attention and I loved it!

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The Leos had served a purpose so Nang's daughter takes me to the local shophouse and I invest in a bottle of Regency and some Hong Thom. Back at the house I’m invited to help prepare the baby pig for cooking. Not wishing to embarrass myself and Nang, I smile and bring it on. Shit, the pig's still alive and seems quite happy with life and they're going to kill it to celebrate me coming to the house! It doesn’t seem right but this isn’t my country and they obviously do things differently here. Two men hold the pig down and her brother (wishing to show he's a real man in front of the farang) with one very small stab in the neck, very quick and I hope painless, and piggy is no more.

Wondering how they're going to prepare the pig to cook was answered straight away. First, the razors came out and the pig was shaved all over. Then the stomach was cut opened and the blood taken out – and kept. This operation was done on a bit of rusty corrugated iron.

Feeling a bit queasy I reach for the Regency and pour a large one and have a wander around the grounds. The people are great, so friendly and ashamed they can't speak English and at the time my Thai was so basic. I could say hello and how are you and how much for short time but that wasn't going to cut much ice here!

Nang calls me over to the remains of the pig. Quite a good job I must admit, all organs already being cooked. You can't get it fresher than that. My only problem was the kids blowing up the pig's innards and playing football with it.

The next few days were spent doing much the same. Me walking to the next village, sitting down with the locals and Nang picking me up a few hours later and heading back to the house.

To be honest I loved it but I knew there was more to Nang than meets the eye so I didn't want to get too attached. A visit to the toilet doesn't sound too much of an eye opener does it? The en-suite toilet was being used by Nang and knowing what she ate the night before I had no intentions of using it, so a polite knock on the door "how much f&*^ing longer I’m touching cloth”. Go to the other toilet I will be a while, so I rush to the west wing and find the toilet and do the business. Whilst sitting on the throne I notice a paper bag in the corner advertising a gold shop in Pattaya. Ok, she might have bought herself some gold ha ha ha. I can hear the laughs from here. Anyway, it's not my business. Washing my hands in the bathroom I notice about 6 bags advertising gold and jewellery mainly and the last bag had a note on it. Not being nosey, I had a quick peek and written on the bottom of the note was rak khun kon deow. <Translated = I love only you> Ok, still not my business.

A few days later we drive back to Pattaya and have a good talk on the way back. All of a sudden her English has improved. It turns out she was married to a Dutchman who built the house, paid for the Hilux and the chopper but couldn't keep himself from the local brass house, 25 km away.

Back in Pattaya, Nang drives to her room and wants me to stay with her until I go back to England. No problem it's guaranteed sex, no barfine and no hotel. I really am becoming quite a tight bastard.

Met up with Mick and heard his tales of drunken sex and debauchery then tried to tell him of my experiences but to no avail, he had a date with a vixen from soi 6 that had promised all sorts so my story was cut short!

The next few trips were much the same. A few days in Pattaya then up north. On the last trip I saw a change in Nang. I couldn't pinpoint what it was so I asked her what the problem was. It turns out her main sponsor, a Dutchman aged 68, was coming to live in Pattaya with Nang as her partner. Ok, no problem. I haven't fallen in love with her. Maybe the idea I’ve fallen for but definitely not her.

My mate Mick had now fallen for a bargirl, married her, got the visa and seems happy back in England and she really is a nice lady, so my trips were solo now.

So goodbyes were said to Nang and good luck on my behalf. I’m back at square one. Can I carry on coming to Pattaya on my own and expect to find happiness?

Back in England Thailand never leaves my thoughts for too long and I’m soon booking flights for my next trip.

Back in Pattaya again and this time my life will never be the same again.

Part 3 to follow. It's messy.


The speed and willingness with which Nang was happy to take you to her home should serve as a warning to others who have been invited to a lady's home and thought that they must be special because of it…

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