How To Better Weed Out The Psycho Ones
It has been a while since I contributed to this site, but now I feel that I have something of substance to add after reading post after post on problems with foreign women. Many folks write about these negative experiences, and much has already been offered in the way of advice on how to avoid these kinds of terrible situations.
I seriously tried to do my best to find a "Good Girl", and to make a long story short I ended up meeting a Philippine woman while in HK who seemed to fit the bill perfectly. The relationship started to perfectly (The first red flag looking back now). Everything was fine until she got to the US, when the "monster" started to emerge from my wonderful wife. My first hint that something was terribly wrong with her mind was when I started to notice that she seemed to totally lack true empathy for anyone else, including even her young daughter from her prior marriage from which she was a widow, and towards me as well. On the other hand she was “uber” hyper sensitive to anything coming from anyone that she perceived to be directed at her, real or not it made no difference. One crazy part is that I am now closer to her, daughter from her prior marriage, than she is, due to the fact that a child knows when they are really loved, vs when someone is just acting the role of a loving parent. My wife's family is tight and they are normal for the most part. They seem to be simple good honest people, so there just was no writing on the wall so to say, or any other signs that she may be predisposed to some mental disorder like this. "So much for the idea that women from the PI make better wives". The only advantage with a woman from the PI vs Thailand, is that if she does have an affair, that you can trash her reputation, and even sue her in the PI. It seems to me that adultery carries little stigma in Thailand, especially with lower cast women, they could care less as long as they have some cash or assets from the whole thing.
The situation deteriorated to the point where I was basically clinically depressed, due to her psychologically abusive behavior. The only thing that had any effect at all on her was when she was humbled by my going off on her when I blew the lid off of her affair. Yes she had a thing going behind my back for almost 5 years, with some controlling guy on the internet who knew just how to manipulate her insatiable need for attention. It ended with the little whore flying to another city where of course he screwed her, (one time only). After this she had some kind of guilt, so she told me "half the story" in a pathetic attempt to come clean, after the guy basically dumped her when he had gotten what he wanted, her pussy. The trouble was that she left out the fact that she had slept with him, which to my horror I discovered on her computer 10 days later, which is when I called her a no good slut and a whore in front of another family member. This seemed to really affect her, and for the first time she cried and seemed to show some signs of real remorse.
At this point in time I still cannot be sure if she is indeed sincere about wanting to fix the marriage, or if it is just another show to save face, or to avoid the social consequences of being labeled a cheating slut, which is a big deal in her family, village, and in her culture for her. I did not tell everyone because this information is my last effective "ammunition" if things do go south, to get a divorce on my terms. So I just saved all the evidence and records of her affair in my safely deposit box. One further condition was her signing a post-nuptual agreement. (Yes there is such a thing, and the courts in my state DO recognize them) . The agreement basically defines who gets what in the event of a divorce and it stipulates that she would have to pay all attorney fees if the divorce, or the post-nuptual agreement was ever contested.
This brings me to the main point of this submission, which is: There IS a way to avoid these kind of nasty deceptions by broken and messed up women, who themselves may not even be aware that they are messed up in the head. The answer simply is a good psychiatrist on your side…….. If I could do it all over again, or if I ever end up in a similar situation, I would NEVER get married again without first having a complete mental health work up done on the lady. In my wife's case she is a textbook low level case of "Histrionic Personality Disorder" which is one of several borderline personality disorders. Years ago most folks with one of these disorders were lumped into a single category which was as a "psychopath". A common thread with these disorders is a completer lack, or seriously reduced ability to feel empathy for others with an unhealthy excessive fixation on themselves, these are mostly extreme forms of general narcissism.
My guess is that if the many guys reading this column, has done this one simple thing, then most of these unfortunate stories could have been avoided (Mine Included, isn't 20/20 hindsight wonderful!) Doing this is not as hard to do as it sounds, in the US for example you have 90 days to get married once she arrives, this gives you ample time to complete a full mental health work up in person. Yes you could have the work up done in her country as well, but I am not sure how reliable psychiatrists in Thailand and the PI are?
Every guy, and I mean every last one with a mind, who is looking for a long term relationship should in my opinion memorize the very basic characteristics of these common personality disorders:
Antisocial personality disorder (
DSM-IV code 301.7): a pervasive disregard for the law and the rights of others.
Borderline personality disorder (DSM-IV code 301.83): extreme "black and white" thinking, instability in relationships, self-image, identity and behavior often leading to self-harm and impulsivity. Borderline personality disorder occurs in 3 times as many females as males.
Histrionic personality disorder (DSM-IV code 301.50): pervasive
attention-seeking behavior including inappropriate sexual seductiveness and shallow or exaggerated emotions.
Narcissistic personality disorder (DSM-IV code 301.81): a pervasive pattern of
grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.
Yes there are even more serious disorders like a full on sociopath, but I am leaving these out here under the assumption that most guys would figure out a sociopath fairly quickly, via the many red flags. The above disorders are fairly common, and they are insidious in the sense that they are real hard to spot in the beginning, when the person is still acting out being normal.
These disorders contain over 90% of the nightmare women, and men for that matter , who are out there. One interesting side note on this subject is that psychiatrists have figured out that you can eliminate 90% of the woman who have many of these nasty disorders, by simply looking at their facebook page if they have one. The key elements to look for seem to center around various narcissistic presentations, for example: If she has a carefully posed picture on her site, this is a big red flag, as opposed to a simple snapshot which is a go. Next is the number of friends listed, the average person has 6-14 friends max. Thus if you see 50+ friends on her facebook, then it a huge red flag. These simple two items enabled them to screen out and to eliminate 90% of these nasty women, this is not to say that every woman with a posed pic, and 50 friends is psycho, but on the other hand 90% of psycho women will have a perfectly posed pic, and many, many friends on her facebook or web page wallpaper. In Asia cultural factors could screw this since many normal girls love professional pics etc, so take this with a grain of salt.
A good starting point for reading is the following article:
How Abusive Women Brainwash You
If you suspect that your lady has one of these disorders…..RUN LIKE HELL, or at least GET HER CHECKED OUT!!!! If you end up with a sociopath, she could destroy your property, your reputation, your job, and maybe even worse your life. Do not take the risk period. Not checking a potential mate out first, is like screwing a bar girl without a condom, except that it’s the big brain that suffers as a result. All of these disorders have extremely poor treatment outcomes, in other words once a psycho, always a psycho, especially in the more severe cases.
I believe that there are 3 levels of existence in life: #1. Those who do not learn from their own mistakes. This represents lowest level and it covers people who's lives are a constant mess. #2. Those who learn from their own mistakes, this covers 90% of us. Finally #3. Those who can learn from others mistakes, this covers the top 10% or so of the population that is happy and content in general. I am still struggling to get to #3 some day, but this site sure helps, thanks Stick!!! If you read this and if it applies to your situation, then you can also be number 3 for a change. In my case I learned this knowledge a little to late, but I will NOT repeat the same mistake period, a couple hundred bucks to a psychiatrist is dirt cheap when compared to the alternative.
To close I would love to do an informal pole: If you were in my shoes would you still dump her (My Wife) -or- Would you take the chance that she is sincere about wanting to work things out? Feel free to comment on what you would require from her to give her one more chance? Life is ok now, and there is lots of sex again, but trust is still far out of sight for me. Thanks Folks!!!
I prefer not to post my name, but I can be contacted at email@example.com if someone is willing to contribute to my poll.
There are a lot of crazy women out there, but in fairness, there are just as many crazy guys in Thailand. I don't have a sister or a daughter, but if I did, I would not want her anywhere near the vast majority of Western men in Thailand.