What To Do?
I have written two submissions in the past emphasizing what a wonderful life and wife I have been blessed with. She still is wonderful but after 6 years of marriage I see cracks in the wall of perfection. I have a problem that runs very deep with her and I am starting to consider the ultimate betrayal of divorce.
This is NOT another nutty Thai girl story but one of a wonderful woman with an intense desire to protect her man to the point that it has driven me to the very edge of insanity. She has, once or twice, expressed unfounded ager toward me that almost led me to tell her to leave but I forgave her as the source of her anger could be justified and written up as a cultural difference. Not once since then has she displayed what I have seen in other “crazed” Thai woman nor would I expect to see it again.
You see my wife despises my sister. Rightfully so, I run a family business working endless hours while my sister makes it a habit of arriving at 11:00 AM and departing minuets after I leave. I have a lot of pressure on me with the thought of supporting a workforce of 30 families, trying to satisfy the requirements of a very difficult customer whom I signed a contract with 2 – 3 years ago, not to mention two sons from a previous marriage (they are really no trouble – one is 15 years old and sometimes difficult while the other is a West Point attendee and the “perfect” son other than sometimes looking down on others).
What I don’t need is managing the interactions between my wife and sister. My wife has her US MBA while my sister has an inferiority complex and can be difficult at best. My wife is no-nonsense, hard working, but can be unforgiving and very stubborn. I have asked my wife to chill out and give my sister a break as the animosity between them makes my life that much more difficult but she is a stubborn lady whom writes off her hatred as a means of protecting or in retaliation for the countless hours I personally invest in the business at approximately 80 hours per week.
I have explained that her hatred towards my sister only adds to my already enormous pressure and pleaded with her to stop the fighting but her answer is she loves me and as such will “protect” me whether I like it or not .
So my quandary is a wife whom I love dearly but also have a growing hatred of the way she reacts and acts towards my sister as it only makes the problem worse. I am at my breaking point and having seen things in my wife I don’t care for nor do I support, I am at a loss. It also places me in a position where I have to explain her actions and defend her when my mother inquires of the latest events; it hurts my mother to see a less than perfect relationship between any one of the daughters she loves (including my wife).
I have 4 – 6 months and will be selling the business at an early age of 50 primarily because I am sick and tired of the bickering. What scares me is if she were to ever funnel that hatred towards me, my sons, or anyone else. Although this is probably not going to happen if one younger son were to go through a “stage” of rebellion and I become frustrated my his actions she very well may strike out at him; that would be the stick that broke the camels back.
My wife was raised to be a very independent, strong, and confident woman. She does not fit the normal “mold” of a Thai lady in that respect but retains her commitment to serve me, her husband, as most Thai women would. She is still ravishingly beautiful at age 42 (looks like lower 30s and could easily pass as a model). I have thought maybe some of the hatred from my sister stems from the fact my wife is so beautiful, not to mention she is very well liked by all of those within the company while my sister has not earned the respect of others due to her very poor working habits and is your typical American woman viewing men as the source of all her problems.
I am just sick and tired. I would love for them to get along leaving me to concentrate on the other AHs I have to deal with.
I simply don’t know what to do. I do not feel good about these feelings I have as she is a great wife in most respects but I am embarrassed by her stance she will not attend family functions if my sister attends.
I am fairly wealthy, good looking, and still in very good shape; I could easily find another to spend my life with but quiet honestly I thought I had until what I have experienced the past few years.
You run the business and your sister works there right? Surely it is your responsibility to crack down on your sister's bad work habits. As a boss you need to treat all staff equally. If this woman was not your sister, would you allow her to get away with the things she does?