I recently read this article on-line and it made me furious. Is it any wonder western men are heading for the hills and coming home with Asian partners? Read on.
I have one of those relationship problems where I can’t tell if I am being unreasonable or if he is.
Long story short – my husband earns what I consider to be a very good salary, more than six figures. We have a mortgage but no other debt and no kids. A year ago I decided to change careers and quit my very well paid job to retrain so he has been supporting us. Sometimes he is fine with this and sometimes he isn’t. Sometimes he tells me to go and treat myself only to throw that treat in my face when we argue. He doesn’t like his job and I think he hates getting up to go in and leaving me napping in bed, which I understand. At the beginning of the year we agreed that I would take $500 a month for my own to pay for my stuff, beautician appointments, lunch with friends, magazines, haircuts, clothes etc. I cook most of the dinners; wash all the clothes and dishes and do all the shopping and errands.
Personally, I feel a huge amount of guilt about not contributing financially. I worked hard in my retraining and did very well, but the job prospects in my new area are not as good as I had hoped and there aren’t really any jobs on the horizon as yet, although I am confident that will change over the next few months. The issue is this: in the past couple of months I have spent more than my $500. This isn’t because of any frivolous spending on my part (although I did buy a new inexpensive outfit for Christmas) but because of things like dentist appointments, Christmas presents and his birthday. He is furious with me, that I didn’t plan well enough to cover the money I spent. He told me “I can’t afford to give you any more money” which makes me feel like a freeloading housemate, not his wife. He is sure we’re barely surviving despite the fact that we are four months ahead on our mortgage payments and have quite a lot of savings and shares.
Part of me is furious with him. I didn’t earn this year, but he told me he was OK with supporting me as long as I did extra stuff around the house and worked hard in my studies, which I did. Now I am in a position that I have to pay back the amount I overspent out of my future $500 monthly allowances. I have exactly $60 to last me for the next month. Shouldn’t the money be OUR money? I mean we are married, and it’s not as if I want new clothes or shoes or fancy cars or holidays or anything like that. I’d just like to be able to buy a magazine if I want to. I have lunch with an old friend I hardly see tomorrow and I have to stick to water because I can’t afford to buy food, but we spent $200 on alcohol for Christmas, 90% of which he will drink. Does that sound fair? But at the same time, he earns the money, so I don’t feel like I am in a position to say anything. I told him during this argument that in the past two months $500 just wasn’t enough and he was furious with me.
I find it crazy that I am trying to decide which of my possessions to sell so I can afford to live for the next month, while I am married to a guy who earns six figures +. Or do I need to shut up until I am in a position to contribute financially?
From: Broke Missus.
Now, I'll show a few responses, god help us all:
· HOW on earth is this remotely normal???? Did your marriage vows contain a clause about economic contribution/returns? My brother in law and his wife operate in a similarly disturbed way – every time a bill comes in they go halves. For a $300 power bill, each has to put in $150. When the mortgage payment is due each month, they both transfer half the required amount into a special purpose account. This is bizarre, and shouldn’t be tolerated as anything close to normal. Your husband sounds like a loser, who will end up putting you through hell when he retires (if a heart attack doesn’t get him first). When he asks you “Why are you sending me to the budget old person home to die"… Tell him he no longer pulls his weight around the house and he is no longer useful to you, you can get better economic return elsewhere.
If that one doesn’t force you to drink, this one certainly will:
· Why sell your own possessions? Apologise to your husband for overspending and then take back the presents you bought for him for Xmas, birthday, valentine’s day, anniversary etc. and return them, or eBay them if you can’t return them. Ditto for any presents you bought his family over Xmas. Say you didn’t realize that $500 wasn’t going to be enough to cover things like that, and you will be more “careful” in future. Next time you are sick or need to go to a healthcare provider just mope around the house looking ill and tell him you can’t afford to see a doctor so you will have to just put up with the pain. I’m sure he will realize how nasty and petty he is being. If not, then perhaps you need to reassess the type of person you married before you have kids and are truly dependent on him to pay for things!
And this pearl of wisdom:
· WOW! I am totally on her side on this. She is trying hard to get a job and in the meantime enjoying herself… give her a break! Sleeping in probably isn’t helping, but as a married couple, as long as you are surviving, his money is your money… remember, when you took those vowels?
I love this woman; her husband must hate himself right now:
· Well I can’t see any problem with asking your husband for money, even if you don’t work, after he is your husband he is supposed to be supporting you, and I disagree with the sleeping in comment, there is no way on this earth would I get up with my husband who goes to work at 5;30 am, he wouldn’t expect me to either, I would have a talk to your hubby and remind him that you are his wife and you expect a certain amount of respect, and a certain amount of cash.
I love the wink, it’s like her comments are something every woman should know:
· I’d be tempted to ask him how much he would think he’d have to hand over in a divorce settlement. Might help him put things in perspective
· Your husband is a cheapskate!
If you've managed to pick yourself up, it doesn't get much better.
I have a wonderful Thai girlfriend. We have been together going on two years, and she is the light of my life. When I initially told my friends about her, the males, as expected, didn't really care. My mates were just happy that I was happy, and to them that was enough. My female friends however, well that’s a different story. Most were skeptical, most know of my past exploits with women and saw Fon as nothing more than a passing trend. I think they expected an uneducated village girl who lived in a mud hut and ate insects. Upon meeting her they were all immediately shocked at her beauty, her intelligence and her grace and style and instantly warmed to her. I say all, but I mean most – there are a few that still don't recognize my relationship with Fon as legitimate. Allow me to explain;
A very close friend (female) had recently returned to Australia after two years overseas and I was invited to her birthday, which required me to spend a large sum of money flying south to her home. I stayed at her home. On the first night we ordered some takeaway dinner and worked our way through a bottle of wine while going over the past two years. Eventually the subject of conversation came to my relationship with Fon. I was informed that it was not a real relationship and that I should grow up and get a western partner. I told my friend that I loved Fon and I had no intention of leaving her. She then informed me that I do not love Fon, and how could I be so ridiculous!
To this girl, Fon is nothing more than a street hooker who I should have paid and sent on her way long ago! (She’s never met Fon. Fon is university educated and comes from a respectable Bangkok family and speaks excellent English). She cannot comprehend that Fon is educated, smart and ticks all my relationship boxes. My "friend" then started to lecture me on how Asian women aren’t real women and only want money and there is no way we could actually love each other. But then the real issue came to light, my "friend" stated that Asian women are too subservient and I should stop being a fool and grow up and get a real woman. By "real woman" she means an opinionated, heartless, overweight, angry western whale.
The next night we met one of her (female) friends for dinner. This woman, upon being told prior that I had an Asian partner, came armed with a multitude of questions, comments and opinions on the topic. Apparently a male friend of hers, whom she had dated, has now married an Asian girl, Singaporean I believe. To say this woman was disgusted would be an understatement. Apparently this girl only has a medium grasp of the English language, so in her opinion there was no way he could be attracted to her, I mean, and what on earth could they have in common?
I’ll tell you what they had in common! The Asian girl's desire for an honest, strong, loving and dependable man and his desire for a loving, beautiful, passionate, light brown goddess whose culture it is to return her gratitude of being loved unconditionally by ensuring her husband has EVERYTHING he could possibly desire from a wife.
As a side note, I can see why this guy left this woman for an Asian partner. At only 27 years old she has a wrinkled face from constant chain smoking, a botched boob job and a loud screeching voice that could shatter glass, not to mention her ability to talk loudly about subjects in which she has no idea.
Needless to say, I cut this trip short and didn't even stay for the birthday dinner. I called a good mate in the same town that came and picked me up and I stayed at his house for the night. He had his boyfriend over for the night and we had a great BBQ and numerous beers and bottles of wine. That's right; I had more in common with a couple of homos than I did with my apparent "best friend".
Many would be thinking I’m a mid-50s male who has gone through a rough divorce or two. Well that couldn't be further from the truth. I’m 35, never been married, self-employed and live a comfortable lifestyle dating and shagging attractive women at leisure. But ever since meeting Fon almost two years ago, my eyes have been truly opened. Why did I waste almost two decades chasing western women when true relationship nirvana was only a 9-hour flight away? I haven’t even looked sideways at another woman since meeting Fon. I just don't need to. She provides me with everything a man could possibly desire. She is old school Thai with a modern twist, and I just love it.
To all the self-righteous, bitchy, angry, loud, pasty white, chain smoking, gold digging western whales out there, take notice. You are on your final warning! Get your shit together quick-smart because western men have had enough of your abuse and are heading for the hills and coming back with a passionate, loving, caring, stunning, sexual nymph called "an Asian" and we couldn't give a rats arse what you think.
P.S. If anyone is interested, here is my online response to the original topic:
Quote: “pay for my stuff, beautician appointments, lunch with friends, magazines, haircuts, clothes etc.”
Quote: “(although I did buy a new inexpensive outfit for Christmas)”
Quote: “Shouldn’t the money be OUR money?”
Quote: “he hates getting up to go in and leaving me napping in bed”
You lazy, hopeless, blood-sucking leach of a woman. Is it any wonder western men are deserting western women and heading to places like Asia to find a partner. How dare you believe for one second that it's “OUR MONEY”. Your husband works his backside off while you lay in bed, have lunch with your friends, read magazines and haul your massive hippo-like rump off to the beautician in the hope they have somehow learnt to polish a turd.
It’s been months since you finished your “training” and you are still sitting around doing “nothing”. You’re lucky he’s kept you around for this long. Haul your lazy (and I’m sure overweight by now) backside out of the armchair and GET A JOB. There is work at McDonalds, Red Rooster or Woolworths waiting for you. Start contributing to the household and you will immediately see a marked improvement in your husband’s attitude.
Right now he is thinking “how the hell can I ever consider having kids with this woman”. Right now he is shit scared of how HE is going to pay for YOUR lifestyle when your ass gets even bigger from childbirth and you spend the rest of your days wandering the shopping malls as a professional baby making factory.
Wake up western women, western men are not taking your crap any longer, get a job or get out!
Oh, and one more thing, when your husband spends $200 of HIS money on Christmas booze, it’s not so he can be merry, it’s so he can forget he’s married to a gold digging, blood sucking leach!
There are two different things to comment on. As far as the first goes, that the husband is earning well into 6 figures and only giving his wife a small allowance does seem a little questionable to. I am not saying that he is right, nor that she is right, but let's say his salary is $150,000 – and it could well be much higher – would he really be comfortable letting his wife struggle on what is a very moderate amount of money? I am assuming, of course, that after mortgage and al bills have been paid that there is still plenty left over. Would a man with pride really want his wife, an educated woman, to accept a crummy job, rather than seek out something more appropriate for her ability and qualifications? I personally think you're being overly harsh.
In the second part where you flew south to meet your friend, well, all I can say is that I am glad I don't have any friends like that. Her attitude is vile!