Going Down the Wrong Road?

I live in the Northwest U.S. in a city of 100,000 people. I'm 57. I've got a steady girlfriend and a fantastic sex life. Everything seems fine at the moment as long as my steady girlfriend doesn't find out about my fantastic sex life!!

She knows I go to Thailand each year on these trips. Does she know what I'm doing over there? I think she's in a state of denial while I'm over there in a state of ecstasy. Is it right? Probably not, but I explained to her
when we met that I wasn't looking for any kind of serious relationship. The strange thing is, we get along just fantastic. I don't stay nights at her place and she doesn't stay at mine. The word "love" has never been uttered
by either of us, and I hope it stays like that. Funny, once those three words are spoken, (I love you) the whole dynamic of the relationship changes. I think to some people, "I love you" can come to mean "I own you". After
my last 12-year relationship, I've just given up on the serious quest for love (for the time being that is.)

Thailand changed me. After seeing that there is this huge supply of available sex over there, I decided to never again end up with a woman I don't enjoy being with just because the sex is great. You always seem to pay in some way for
"freely given sex". I just had a girl call me I hadn't seen in 20 years. She said if her boyfriend calls me in the next few hours, don't answer my phone. WTF? I figure that they've been fighting, and the only way she can
hurt him in a fight is to tell him that I was nailing her before they met 20 years ago? Of course, I'm just guessing. It's amazing how people in a relationship can argue about things in the past instead of living in the present.

I've had many steady relationships over the years, but in between these I was nailing just tons of women. It's funny how these women leave your life through moving or getting married etc. but then they re-emerge from out of no where
and give me a call. I guess that's the "boomerang" principle at play there. It's amazing. Unfortunately, most women as they age really go down hill. I always thought it was crazy when young beautiful women were always worried
that their skin was getting wrinkles. I have to admit, when they hit 50 they, like many guys, can really go downhill like an Olympic gold metal skier.

Anyway, like I was saying, I live in a small U.S. town of 100,000 people. These Asian spa type places have popped up recently. There are now 10 in this town that I know of. Some have white girls, but most are Korean. They are basically brothels.
You pay about $60 when you enter, then negotiate with the girl on price. A handjob is $100, BJ with condom $150 and "Full Service" is $200. These prices vary from place to place. So far, I've tried about 6 of them. How does it compare
with the Thailand pay for play? It's very similar. Somewhat hit and miss. It varies from just OK to totally awesome. I would never have even tried one of these if it wasn't that I got used to the pay for sex thing in Thailand. It's
fine, but it can really get expensive if you make it a habit. As far as I can tell, the police know what these places are about, but they figure that if it's off the street, that they'll let it slide. There is a site called
backpage.com. You just click on your state and go to massage, and you get a list of locations. I'm just discovering all this. Most are owned by Asians. Anyway, I thought
I'd point this out if you think the pay for sex thing only exists in South-East Asia.

I've thought of writing a book entitled, "My Penis, How it led, and I followed it through Life". I'm sure most of you guys could write a few chapters. Come on, all of us at one point have let the small brain convince us
to go in certain directions that we wouldn't have if our big brain had just kicked in. I guess, like many guys, I'm weak.

I'm really not complaining about things. I'm very lucky to have the income and the lifestyle that I do. I've joked about being a sex addict. I really never had a issue with that till I started to go to Thailand. As much as
I thought the idea was funny, it really may be true. We all have some sort of addiction to something. Smoking, drinking, eating. Pretty much anything that gives us pleasure can be overdone. In Thailand, sex is suddenly something that can be overdone.
I guess if you use protection and treat the ladies nice, I don't see anything wrong with it. Of course, it's easy for an addict to be in denial about things.

For some reason, I think a lot of men that end up in Thailand are lacking in having a good relationship at home. Perhaps they just broke up with someone. Failed marriages. They might have trouble with good family connections. I think many
are atheists and don't have that spiritual connection in their life. They come to Thailand with an emptiness inside that they are trying to fill. They seek companionship and what they might think is love. No wonder so many men are so close
to depression. They don't have those strong close connections with family or / friends. It's like that song….Looking for love in all the wrong places.

I've always thought that being a drunk that sits in a bar drinking everyday is the last thing I would ever want to do. You see so many of those guys, not only in bars in Thailand, but all over the world. What a sad existence. I also
wonder why it's mostly men? I can't ever remember going into a bar and seeing women lined up on the bar stools? I wonder why that is? I really hate to admit it, but women really may be the stronger sex. We, as men, are always looking
for a need to fill through women. That would be physical needs as well as emotional needs that only a woman can fulfill. So many women, as they age, seem to really no longer "need" men like they once did when they were young. Perhaps
it takes about 20 years for them to realize that the "knight in white shining armor coming along to save them" is just that. A story. A myth.

Our addictions, sex, gambling etc. are fed by the media and the internet. In an hour, a guy can view more porn on the internet than he could ever live out in real life in his lifetime. Gambling addicts who used to just gamble every once in
a while can now gamble on the internet 24/7. They could be sitting on the toilet doing their business, and still gamble via internet gambling sites using a laptop. While available porn online feeds a need, some of us have discovered Thailand and
suddenly those porn addictions can be lived out for real. Sex is almost too available in Thailand. Many of us (the weak ones like me) just go freaking nuts with the women. It's almost sex overkill. Of course, if I die, I'll sure will
have a smile on my face. We're fed a diet of sex through the media. Just look at the banner ads on this site. I guess it all comes down to money. Someone (the bars etc.) is using our biological need for sex as a way to make money. My advice
to others (and myself) is to just keep things in perspective. Try to enjoy things, but don't let all this take you down financially, mentally etc.