Over the years I have read many of these submissions as well as Stick’s weekly column. What irritates me to no end are the generalizations and stereotypes that are perpetuated time and time again. Sure, Stick has made a point of saying more and more guys coming to Thailand are younger and not into the bar scene. What I’m referring to though is the latest green star submission regarding bargirls / prostitutes and their love affair with money. My point here isn’t to critique his submission as I really enjoyed reading it but rather to provide a balance with my experiences.
I am 39 year old male from Canada and visit Thailand once or twice a year for the past 10 years or so. When I first started out here, sure I met a lot of whores and was as naïve as anyone. For the first week. I got bored of the whole whore scene pretty quick so I decided to change the rules up.
First I decided for my next visit, every girl I met had to have more money than me. It was as simple as going onto some dating websites and writing to the white skinned girls with decent occupations. I spent about 4 months writing back and forth until my next visit. This time I met girls that were a whole higher level. Going to Thai nightclubs, clean Thai restaurants with no falang around, and real conversations with these girls and their friends. Girls who had travelled, worked in other countries and treated me like a normal person. There was no expectation on my part for sex…if it worked out, it worked out but no big deal either way. I was never presented the dinner cheque or being treated as the sucker falang in the bars with the bill for the refills. It's all in who you associate with. Another thing was they weren’t stuck up or unfriendly at all…just normal girls who happened to come from well off families and were interested in meeting someone different than the norm. This was 9 – 10 years back so things may have changed since then. When I did sleep with them, money was never even talked about. It was more about making sure I woke them up in time to go home and change to be ready for work. I’m not Brad Pitt by any reach but I just dressed nice, didn’t get drunk and treated them the best I could.
When I later met the Thai girl who has been my wife for 5 years now, it was more less the same thing. She didn’t drive a BMW or anything but she had a great job in graphic design and marketing, had lots of normal friends and simply wanted to meet someone new. Money was never once discussed other than for sin sot. Her family asked for 200,000 baht and I said forget it as there is no way I’m buying a wife. She said that is the Thai way and I said well, it's certainly not the Canadian way. We finally reached a compromise where the 200,000 would be put towards the wedding and the remaining 150,000 would be put in the bank for later. I was fine with that and so we married. She came to Canada and worked long hours to help me with my business and never complained or anything. Her family never asked for more money and she sends 3000 baht home per month. After 2 years I gave her 1.5 million baht for a home for her parents as they lived in a shack and I had everything I wanted in my life by then anyways. It just seemed perverse to be driving a beautiful boat, living in a new home while her parents had almost nothing. It will become our house anyways when they pass away.
My business has prospered over the years but when we married, I had pretty well nothing and I can assure you she never chose me for my money. There were plenty of other guys with a lot more money than me emailing her and she knew what I had.
Now she spends more time in Thailand as she trains to start her own business here and I make plans to move here and go into a new business of my own. While over here, of course I get a fair bit of time to myself and meet girls for fun at the bars, but I take it for what it is. The girls are not all hardened whores by any means.
Last week in Pattaya, I met a beautiful, sweet bargirl named Yaa. All I can say about her is if you are from Sweden and have an 8 month old daughter, you ever consider taking an ounce of responsibility for your kid, Nicolas? I mean, sure some of them are after money non stop but this poor girl is just looking for a nice guy to meet after the last guy screwed her over royally. Sure she was naïve but he’s only getting away with it because of geographic circumstances as I’m sure in Sweden he’d be paying every month. Normally I go somewhere like Insomnia in Pattaya or Bangkok Beat in Bangkok as there are no barfines and I love playing the game of finding out which ones are the hookers or not. I’ve seen both and I know pretty quick when they talk about their work (or lack of work).
The point of this is that my experiences with Thai girls have been nowhere close to what some others post because I don’t chose that path. Buying a condo for a bargirl? There are so many beautiful, talented girls to meet in Thailand, why would
someone even consider having a relationship with a bargirl? So much of what I read here says more about the author than it does about the girls. Obviously I’m not perfect as I still sleep with other girls after being married but my wife
accepts it as its just not a serious issue between us. For others it is but my wife knows its just sex so no problem for her. I personally love the whole concept of bargirls simply for the fact that there’s no pressure on a normal date
for the guy as he knows he has options if she leaves him hanging at the end. But to confuse bargirls with love and relationships shouldn’t take years of living in Thailand when myself and others figure it all out in the first week. Perhaps
a lot of falang in Thailand are just too lazy to make the effort to meet a normal Thai or they have forgotten how to even go out on a normal date that doesn’t involve a barfine. When I go with a girl in a club for overnight, I don’t
pretend it to be anything different and if she wants a 1000 baht in the morning, who cares. But I take it for what it is and stick to the non whores for marriage or relationships.
Sure, not every bargirl is bad. Like you say, it's a generalisation. While it is obviously a generalisation, I also think it is fair to say that most – not all – bargirls aren't really suitable for long-term relationships.
Just as your argument is also a generalisation. Yes, women outside the bar industry probably are better marriage material and probably make better life partners. Just as you take exception to the generalisation that better women can be found elsewhere so some women who have never stepped foot in the bar industry might be a nightmare for a lifelong partner. So if you make a generalisation it is ok, but if someone else does….!