A Harmless Obsession?
As addictions go I believe my current compulsion is a relatively harmless one. I do recall ten years ago an obsession with a PC football game Championship Manager, being exceedingly detrimental and probably contributed to the demise of my first marriage. Although on reflection my wife running off with another man may have been the more significant cause.
I have avoided the more extreme perversions and unsavoury pursuits like frottery (rubbing oneself against ladies on public transport) or garbooning (sniffing young ladies bicycle seats in warm weather). I will admit my penchant for photographing Thai girls in West Bromwich Albion shirts (small youth size) does not bear too close a scrutiny and would have legions of psychologists salivating should they ever get me on the couch in their consulting room.
I have steered clear of sadomasochism being somewhat averse to pain. I do recollect in my inquisitive youth approaching a lady of the night in a less salubrious district of my city. I was merely seeking an estimate (without obligation) and informed her “I would like some flagellation and abuse” to which she replied “if you don’t p*** off you stunted little runt, I will give you a f*****g good hiding!
The current obsession I refer to is my enduring affection for the Thai love links site which is the largest and most successful of the Thailand based dating sites. My love affair with this wonderful institution has lasted over 8 years. One day I will meet the founders of this site and once I have extracted a couple of beers from them I will explain why I so admire the business model they have created.
I appreciate I am not the first to pen a submission on the subject, the latest being a pleasant little missive by Jack P wherein he described his own experience with the site. I can not disagree with any of his observations. I agree with him that online dating is a numbers game. I found his 7 proven online dating tips enlightening and confirmed many of my own experiences. I was particularly amused at his categorization of the girls on the site as either looking for new customers, looking for a boyfriend or seeking a husband.
I also concur with the remarks about the sheer volume of traffic on the site. It is reputed over 100 new girls sign up every week and some of the more attractive members can receive 200 emails a day. Even an old fart like me gets an unexpected amount of attention. I get 3 or 4 “someone is interested in you” notifications a day and receive at least 2 messages a week. Whilst not impressive compared to the examples in the missive it is certainly far in excess of any level of interest I have ever received on western dating sites
It is my experience that there are further dimensions to this institution, I believe it is subtlety segmented and there are actually three groups cleverly integrated in the site.
The principle group is the sassy, trendy and sophisticated young Thai girls living in Bangkok. The second grouping encompasses the Thai women living outside the kingdom in western countries. The third major segment covers the country girls living in the provinces outside of Bangkok.
Most of the submissions written on the Stickman site about Thai love links refer to the trendy sophisticated younger Thai girls living in Bangkok; I personally have very little experience of this segment so I will not add any observations to that body of work other than to note there are some extremely attractive females on the site. In particular if you look at the section “most popular” you will see some of the most beautiful young women on the planet. I suspect all these girls are acutely aware of their value to love starved western men and the prevailing philosophy is “get yours whilst stocks last”.
Seeing these striking young beauties prompts a thought. One of the motivations for being obscenely rich is that a bloke would have no difficulty attracting beautiful women if he has a few bob in his pocket. You never see fat old women on a rich man's yacht. The recent marriage of an 84 year old Hugh Heffner to a 24 year old Crystal Harris is testament to this phenomenon. But if as an ordinary bloke living in the UK, you had a bit of good fortune (like a lottery win) and suddenly found yourself as rich as Croesus, what would you actually do and where would you go to find the trophy companion of your heart's desire? There are no glamorous models in your local pub and in the trendy city centre clubs you would be competing with premiership footballers for the attractive gold diggers you seek. It would appear even mega millionaires have difficulties with attracting western women, Mark Zuckerberg (founder of Facebook) and Chris Cox (his VP) are reputed to be aficionados of the Bangkok scene. The “most popular” section on the Thai love links site would be an invaluable source of beautiful women when money is no object.
Although I admit to little knowledge of the hip young ladies of Bangkok, I do however have some experience of the Thai women on the site living outside the kingdom, specifically those living in the UK. I also have some acquaintance with the country girls living outside Bangkok who frequent the site.
Whilst my experiences with those Thai women living in the UK has been somewhat mixed they have been entertaining nonetheless. One unusual incident involved Pam, a 40 year old divorced Thai girl who had lived in a city in the East Midlands for 15 years. We had been conversing amiably on TLL quite happily for some 6 months when out of the blue she unexpectedly stepped up her interest and claimed to want to develop the relationship further. I responded and drove up the next Saturday evening and met her and her friend in a quiet pub. I was enthralled by her, she was quite delicious. We are joined by her friend’s date for the evening and the four of us make our way to a Thai restaurant owned by Pam’s friend. We have a wonderful evening but when I called for the bill Pam had already secretly paid it. I was understandably astonished that a Thai girl had paid a restaurant bill and astounded she refused to let me reimburse her despite my protestation.
I thought we got on very well and had even discussed meeting again. However the next evening she phoned me and informed me she had met a guy a few weeks previously; she had met up with him that day and realised she was serious about him. So she decided she couldn’t see me again. I appreciate she was honest with me but I could not fathom why, after 6 months she activated my interest just at the time she had met this other guy.
The corollary to this tale is every English woman I have related this account to have speculated that the girl was just checking me against her choice of man and having decided to reject me, paid for dinner through a sense of guilt.
Conversely every Thai girl I have recounted this story to have all categorically said the same thing. She rejected me because I let her pay for dinner. I feel I had gained an invaluable insight into the Thai psyche.
Whilst I have never managed to develop a successful relationship with a UK based Thai woman that it is not to say that all my experiences have been totally unproductive. A phenomenon I have noticed is that whilst none of my English female friends have ever introduced me to a friend, Thai women are always willing to introduce you to their friends as prospective suitors. Even my errant Thai wife Nat introduced me to several women including her niece and younger sister in the years before our own relationship developed. This is a symptom of a vicarious generosity; a tendency to offer that which is not always in their gift to offer. All women the world over display this trait whether Western or Asian. Western woman manifest it in offering the driving or handymen services of their husband to their families and friends but with Thai women it is anything that does not involve personal sacrifice.
One story I have related numerous times (and will no doubt relate again) was the incident during the days just prior to the Stickman writers get together in November 2006. This involved Pon, a voracious Thai nurse, who kept me incarcerated in my room in the Nana Hotel for 2 days in order to satisfy her base carnal desires.
This episode was the result of a friendship with Phan, a 45 year Thai lady who had worked in London for a few years. We corresponded on TLL and although she confessed she did not fancy me we remained pen pals for a year or so. We did not physically meet until we were both on holiday in Bangkok in November 2006. On that visit she introduced me to Pon, a friend from her university days. Pon had not had a man for 5 years and in frustration had asked Phan if she could find her a man from England to give her a good servicing before her front bottom healed up. Without my knowledge I was proposed as a suitable candidate for the task.
Pon was a lovely lady with an amazing body for a 41 year old. When I took her to my room at the Nana I expected a shy reticence so I was astounded that no sooner we were through the door she pushed me on the bed, dragged my trousers off and practically raped me. I have never experienced such hunger in a woman and at one point had considered summoning a constable. We spent three delightful days together before she returned to her hospital in Isaan. My body ached for a week.
Another interesting episode resulting from a friendship initiated on TLL began with Joyce, a 42 year old Chinese Thai lady, who lived in Grimsby (an unusual choice of residence for a Thai lady) where she lived on a pension and the support of a rich family. We had corresponded for a few months. She was a highly intelligent and astute girl and her exchanges with me were amusing and stimulating.
I had not bothered to arrange to meet her, I was reluctant to repeat the disheartening experience I was having with UK Thai girls and I am basically lazy. However I was eventually persuaded to drive up to meet her. We had a very enjoyable weekend together dining, shopping and meeting her friends. I also helped her with a business plan for an enterprise she was considering. I quickly established that although she did not fancy me we actually had a connection. We continued our (platonic) friendship for a few months until she informed me she was returning to live in Thailand.
I thought that was the end of that. However a few weeks later she phoned me to tell me she had started a business in Ayutthaya and also explained she was already married to an English man who had now joined her in the kingdom. I did not ask why she had explored a relationship with me whilst already married but put it down to the vagaries of Thai womanhood. If you ask an English girl if she has a boyfriend she will always say yes as she would not want to give the impression she was alone (and by inference a failure). Ask a Thai woman and she will always say no even if she has a boyfriend because she is always keeping her options open.
I was further surprised when Joyce contacted me again a month later. She explained she had met a girl in her sister’s restaurant that she felt would be perfect for me and would like to introduce her. She sent me her email and I initiated contact. I arranged to meet her on my forthcoming trip to Bangkok. Whilst I was pleased Joyce had thought of me, this unsolicited matchmaking was further evidence of the vicarious generosity of Thai women.
It was November 2007 when I meet Annie at the entrance to the BTS station at Victory Monument. She tells me she walked past me twice to check because I looked considerably younger in the flesh than in my photos and was much slimmer than Joyce described me. This immediately endears her to me although I make a note to inspect her bag for a white stick and a guide dog’s lead. We repair to Sukhumvit and after a pleasant lunch we return to my room at the Nana Hotel. Whilst Annie talks with her daughter on her mobile I lie on the bed and close my eyes for just for a moment. Twenty minutes later I am gently awoken by tender kisses and with only a mild protest I let her have her wicked way with me. This is not the first time I have been pleasantly surprised by the strength of passion exhibited by an ordinary respectable Thai lady. She later told me that it had been quite some time since she had enjoyed the comfort of a man.
Annie was 36 years old, worked in a stationary supply office by day and sold clothes from a market stall by night. She was resourceful and hard working. She had never married although had two children by a long absent Thai boyfriend. She was fair skinned, slim, graceful and at 5’6 quite tall by Thai standards. Unlike many Thai girls who dress like a traffic accident she knew how to dress with class and deport herself appropriate to most situations. She also possessed an unbelievably superb pair of legs that seemed to go on forever.
We spent a delightful couple of days together principally shopping to buy new stock for her market stall. I still recall her excitement at the profit margin she had calculated she was going to make on them when she sold them back in Ayutthaya. I must admit to being impressed with her business acumen and good taste. On the Monday she returned to her job in Ayutthaya and I went to spend a few days in a quiet seaside resort called Pattaya. On my return the following weekend Annie is already waiting for me in the lobby of the Nana Hotel.
A couple of hours later I am enjoying the uncomplicated delight of watching a fine-looking girl preparing to go out for the evening. The final result of her endeavor was most impressive. A short modern hairstyle contoured her lightly made up face to perfection. A simple but elegant short white dress and matching high heels show her magnificent legs to great effect. She looked wonderful and I was not too surprised to see a few heads turn as we progressed through the Nana lobby towards the Landmark hotel. Dinner at the Huntsman bar was pleasant and the Philippine band highly entertaining as usual.
On the Monday morning I see Annie off in a taxi to Victory monument to meet her bus home. I reflect on what a pleasant time I had spent with her and what a sweet natured and appealing girl she was. It was the nearest thing to a Thai Girl Friend Experience I had experienced for a while. I also reflect that I had spent considerably more money on this good girl (and her daughters) than four days with a bar girl would have cost me… and then some. However I am realistic enough to appreciate that it is obviously going to cost me for being with an attractive girl 17 years my junior in any culture. She was lovely and at the time felt she was worth every penny I spent on her.
The TLL site probably has its share of scammers, there is a fair contingent of Nigerians and there are also a few unscrupulous western men posing as Thai girls grooming inexperienced men on the site to part with money. I have even conversed with a girl claiming to be Mexican but I believe the vast majority of girls on the site are genuine in their intentions.
The country lasses on the site present an interesting group although I am always surprised at the narrow range of physical variety I see across the profiles. I believe there is a low level of genetic diversity amongst the Thai nation. In a population of 60 million there appears to be only about 8 different faces.
There are a very large number of sweet naive girls both young and old but with little more than an elementary education offer limited prospects unless you already live in their province. They are clearly looking for someone to “take care” of them and their family and confirm that most of them entertain a misconception of western men. I suspect many have seen the houses that farang men have built for Thai spouses in their respective Isaan villages and covet the lifestyle. Most lack a strategy for ensnaring a farang man other than a simple optimism, avarice and the ubiquitous mantra “Thai man no good”. You can often sense the disappointment they feel if you haven’t sent the Western Union cheque by your second contact with them.
But the site also contains a breed of highly fascinating women over the age of 40. They generally hail from cities in the Isaan, have some level of tertiary education and work in secure jobs such as Government officials, nurses, and teachers or own small businesses. They all have their own homes and are highly self sufficient. Over the past years I have had conversations and exchanged notes with almost 60 of these ladies. One of the principle things I learnt dispelled the myth that Isaan men abandon their wives. These hard working intelligent women got rid of their philandering feckless husbands when they realised they were working hard just to support their partner's dissolute lifestyles. As divorcees (or widows) they acknowledge that all the decent Thai men were either happily married or looking for younger women and considered a relationship with a western man a feasible alternative.
Over the past few years I have met quite a few of these ladies on my visits to Thailand. These assignations broke up the routine of bargirls and I could delude myself I was having a legitimate holiday romance. I have had some intriguing encounters with some fascinating women. These include Nana, a university lecturer, from Ubon (whose worship of mammon would shame a Chinese businessman), Patty a hairdresser from Sriracha and Jane a gentle and graceful health educator from Rayong. But one of the most interesting episodes was with Rosie a 40 year old lady who held a position as a Government health officer in a city in the north of Isaan.
I met Rosie on Thai love links some years ago. The photo she posted suggested an ageless beauty. From our correspondence I quickly ascertained she was an extremely bright and very strong willed lady. I had been conversing with her on and off for almost 12 months. In this time her contact followed a pattern; she would exchange notes with me daily for a few weeks then for a month the contact would cease. I would assume she had become engrossed with a new cyberspace beau but after a month she would resume her correspondence with me. This sequence continued until a month or so before my intended visit to the kingdom when her level of interest intensified and we exchanged up to date photos.
Despite seeing my latest photo she was still keen to meet and expressed a willingness to come to Bangkok to see me. As her brother lived in Bangkok she proposed she stayed with him for the weekend to effect our assignation. My suggestion he join us for dinner on our initial tryst solved the ubiquitous chaperone problem. We meet in the lobby of the Nana Hotel and I must declare she took my breath away on first sight. She was far more attractive in real life than even her photos intimated. We walk to the Huntsmen bar at the Landmark my suggested venue for dinner. Although I was enthralled by this lady I felt it polite and politic to give at least equal attention to her brother. Tim was the most handsome and urbane Thai man I have met. Employed by a Western company in a senior position he had spent a few years working in northern Europe. His English was impeccable and he was amiable company. It was a pleasant evening; with her brother present Rosie gave a good performance of being shy in the company of a farang and feigned a poor command of English. The food was good, the band entertaining but the biggest surprise was that her brother paid the bill despite my protestations. They left me about 10.30 giving me opportunity to take an early night which I squandered with a detour to three or four bars in the Nana Plaza on my way back.
Rosie meets me in the Nana lobby for breakfast which is the first time I had breakfast with a girl in the Nana I hadn’t slept with. We caught the sky train for an expedition to the Siam Paragon. In her brother's absence the coy and demure act of the previous evening had disappeared and her English language ability had returned. I find many respectable Thai girls are initially reticent about being seen with a farang in public but she seemed very comfortable to be with me. She dressed well, looked classy and the age difference between us not too incongruous I thought we looked pretty good together. A power cut at the shopping mall prompted a return to Sukhumvit and with a heavy rainstorm looming it took little coercion to spend the afternoon in my hotel room.
That evening her brother Tim invited us to visit the home of one of their relatives. They lived in a very attractive and spacious modern style house some way out of town not far from the new airport. I was made very welcome and invited to pay homage to the spirits of the house. It was a unique opportunity for me to witness how a middle class Thai family lived. At 21.00 everyone rushed to their vehicles and we all end up at a nearby restaurant. I then understood why Tim had paid for dinner the previous evening; I was now obligated to reciprocate by paying for the dinners of ten of his family. It provided a further insight into the Thai psyche and a less than unique opportunity for the farang to pay.
Actually it was an agreeable evening but I could not fail to notice the word “farang” gratuitously peppering their conversation even though they knew my name and I was actually sitting with them. I asked Rosie what they were saying and she informed me they were actually admiring my ability to tolerate the hot and spicy road kill Isaan dishes they had ordered.
When they drop me off at the Nana Hotel we say our farewells as Rose was Isaan bound to be at work the following day. I was quite sorry to take my leave of this elegant and exquisite lady. Although I would have liked to report subsequent chapters to this story I never heard from her again. I believe she was still “shopping” for a suitable farang guy and I probably sat about number 8 in the rankings at the time.
My experiences with the TLL site have been educating and enlightening. As I mentioned it has helped dispel many myths and misconceptions for me. A myth perpetuated mainly by western women is that poor Thai females entrap worthless Western men because they want to move to the west. I no longer believe this and I am of the opinion that the majority of Thai women certainly do not want to relocate to the west given a choice. Most respectable Thai ladies would prefer to remain in Thailand with a farang husband or have their man send money to support them without the inconvenience of having a man around. The less scrupulous would further prefer this involved a multitude of men on a timeshare basis.
I am acutely aware that not visiting the kingdom for a couple of years my anecdotes are a little stale and probably represent the ramblings of a sad old sod well past his sell by date. But I can also report a couple of recent experiences in the past six months.
A few months ago I began a correspondence on TLL with Tip, an attractive Thai lady in her 40s. She was working as a chef at a hotel in an East Midland city and expressed an interest in meeting me. At the time circumstances prevented me from acting upon the opportunity and by the time I could get away she had moved to Manchester which was a little further afield. In the depth of winter any travel was exceedingly difficult. A week later the weather improved and I contacted her to find she had returned to Thailand for a holiday. She informed me she was still keen to meet me but on her return to the UK in the New Year she was moving to work on the South coast, some 200 miles away. Although she is somewhat a moving target I remain optimistic we will eventually meet.
About the same time I began a correspondence with Ann, a lady from Nonthaburi in her early 40s with what appeared to be good English skills. We had exchanged a couple of missives but she sparked my interest when she informed me that she was at present visiting her sister in the UK and staying with her in a town in the north midlands. This time I arranged to meet the lady with indecent haste and the following weekend I meet up with her and her sister in a coffee shop in a charming country market town. Ann was a pleasant and cheerful country lass but her English was not as good as I expected. It turned out her sister had initiated Ann’s profile on TLL and it was the sister that I had actually been conversing with. The sister Ping was a delicious creature in her late 30s who had been married to a wealthy English guy for a few years.
We repaired to her home which was a very impressive modern executive house on an extremely exclusive estate. The interior was open plan full of shiny surfaces and minimalist decor indicative of significant wealth. Ann cooked me a meal and was wonderfully attentive and affectionate to me. Ping explained that her husband would be out all day playing golf and she was trying to keep her TLL activities for her sister secret from him as she felt although totally innocent he would misconstrue her intentions. During the afternoon we are joined by a couple of attractive young Thai girls who are the wives / partners of Ping’s neighbours. I had a rather enjoyable afternoon with this cabal of Thai ladies listening to their gossip and entertained them with a few anecdotes of my own. I could see that Ann was certainly interested in me and I had definitely passed her sisters appraisal so I suggested that Ann come and stay with me the next weekend in Wednesbury…..she was definitely up for it.
Nothing ever quite works out as intended and the next weekend Ann informed me that Ping’s husband has offered to take them all to London for some sightseeing. I suggest Ann should take this opportunity because when she eventually returned to Thailand all her pals would expect her to tell them about London, so she must go. Unfortunately she was returning to the kingdom the following weekend so I never got the chance to get to grips with her.
This episode did however give me some cause for reflection. I ask myself am I wasting my time pursuing Thai women through TLL and am I wasting my time chasing Thai women per se. Observing this enclave of Thai women living in affluent surroundings with their well-heeled English husbands served to confirm that Thai women are an expensive acquisition reserved only for men of wealth.
I went as far as to question whether I do really prefer Asian girls. Do I perceive them as more available or in even in some way less discerning than their western sisters? However from my experiences I am acutely aware that Thai women are in no way more subservient or less discriminating than women anywhere on the planet. In many ways they have proved to be far more elusive and increasingly unavailable to me. Thai women are certainly not for the faint of heart. I can appreciate beauty and character in all women whether they are fat, skinny, white, black, or brown. Whilst I know many wonderful western women I can with all sincerity declare it remains only Thai or Asian women that continue to get my pulse racing. I fear my jasmine fever is incurable; once you taste of South East Asian I am afraid it is goodbye to Caucasian.
On reflection my obsession with Thai love links may not be quite as harmless as I considered and is just a symptom of a greater addiction with Thailand. I assuage my addiction by regular visits to my local Thai restaurant, through the stories of my pals or by writing long rambling submissions to Stickman. But it is like a nicotine patch to a 40 cigarettes a day man and not a completely satisfying substitute.
Whether my infatuation with Thailand is healthy or not, the jury is still out.
But what is the alternative? Dear God please don’t say western women. Thousands of words have been already been written about the vagaries of western women. Examples of insufferable behaviour, hostile attitudes and sense of entitlement have prompted many submissions to this site alone.
Western women like all women are the victims of their hormones and their behaviour alters markedly as they age. In their teens they are sexually inquisitive animals but in their 20s they begin to see sex more as a means to an end. In their 30s they become more demanding and more aggressive in their attitudes. They are at best ambivalent about sex or remain deluded that their vaginal orifice is gold plated. I witness a lot of selfish princesses who think temper tantrums are not only acceptable but actually cool.
By their 40’s they have acquired the children and material possessions they want (courtesy of a divorce or a compliant beast of burden) and a collection of sex toys means they no longer need a man for gratification. Those that still do join internet dating sites and specify men 10 years their junior. They create long lists of stipulations. “No time wasters” or “if you are over 45 do not waste my time” are some of the phrases employed. I have seen “if want me to love you, you must love my dogs” or “keep me interested or I’m off” but the best one was” all I want is to be treated how I think I deserve to be treated”. These are all indications of a borderline narcissistic personality disorder.
By the time they reach their 50s they are comfortable, set in their ways and the thought of the “unpleasantness and mess” of a sexual encounter is abhorrent to many of them. At around the age 55, women appear to have an epiphany and they get a reality check similar to the one men get before the age of 50. They awake to the reality that George Clooney is not coming for them. The result appears to be a more realistic expectation possibly borne of loneliness or the need for simple companionship. They certainly become less aggressive in their attitudes and behaviour. They mellow and many of them become quite civilised.
If you are a man aged 50 you are unlikely to get the interest of a western woman younger than 55 unless you are rich, a perfect genetic specimen or have developed some David DeAngelo techniques. You are more likely to be only of interest to women aged 60-75.
In a previous submission I mentioned that some of my friends joked about me being like “the number 74 bus”. This was explained as “You are like the Number 74 Bus; it is only pensioners with a free bus pass who want to climb aboard you!”
I will not deny it appears that older women do find me attractive, perhaps they are more appreciative of my boyish charms or more likely have become significantly less discriminating. I have dated a few older women over the years, even as recent as the past few weeks. Some of these encounters have been quite agreeable but it is like dating your aunty Mildred. I have always been very careful not to pass the Rubicon and administer a portion of Hampton to them. This would imply a commitment I would not be able to deliver upon. Many of these women come from a generation that still insist “unless you commit, you can not have it”
Unfortunately many post-menopausal English women tend to look like an overstuffed mattress, and have permanently pinched expressions on their faces. They like don’t like sex (blowjobs? Dream on!), they organise the tombola at the church fete; drink nice cups of tea and refer to almost everything outside their narrow terms of reference as disgusting. They are prone to martyrdom, have ailments and often smell of lavender and liniment. They have strident opinions on most things irrespective of knowledge. They will not entertain any social discourse whilst their favourite TV soap operas are on
If this is all I have to look forward to please put the pennies on my eyes now.
Christmas has come and gone and good riddance. I hate the false joviality of the Christmas festivities with a passion and always consider it a period to be endured rather than enjoyed. I will admit that this year was not as painful as recent ones have been. My youngest son came back from university to stay with me. Although my eldest son went to Amsterdam for the New Year festivities he also stayed a few days with me so I had some wonderful and greatly appreciated company over the holiday period. I had also got more involved in the local community but more of that later.
Those readers who follow my stories will be acquainted with my circumstances and misfortunes. In 2008 I married my Thai sweetheart and brought her to live in the UK. We had a few idyllic months until I lost my job. In desperate need of money she left me to work in London, and eventually returned to Thailand. I have not seen her for 18 months and not heard anything from her for several months. As her spouse visa has now expired I can hopefully close that chapter in my life. The adventure cost me £18k that I could ill afford, confirming there is no fool like an old fool.
I spent 12 months out of work surviving on the benevolence of the welfare state in perpetual conflict with the black dog of depression which I successfully tackled due in no small part to the support from the community of Stickman readers.
At my lowest ebb in June 2010 I had a slight upturn in my fortunes and secured a short term assignment running the night shift for an automotive foundry in a nearby town. The plant was due to close in August but pressure from very powerful automotive customers to protect their build programmes postponed the closure until Christmas. In fact to meet demand they had to operate 24 hours a day on three shifts and needed someone experienced to manage the night shift. It is a specialist operation and there are only a handful of blokes in the UK with the requisite experience and none of them would be desperate enough to run a night shift for six months on a self employed contract….except me. I accepted the assignment with indecent haste.
The nightshift crew numbered 30 and were newly recruited on a temporary basis. They were raw, inexperienced and most had seen long bouts of unemployment. They were as big a bunch of footpads, cut purses and scoundrels you are ever likely to meet. I think the company employed Horatio Nelson’s press gang as recruitment consultants. It was certainly going to be a challenge to organise them but they were enthusiastic and responded well to my unusual management style. By the end of the first month we were matching the performance levels of the other two shifts, and by the second month exceeding them.
The hours of work from 2200 at night until 0700 in the morning were definitely unsocial but the money was good and the thought of addressing my debts kept me motivated. A further incentive through the cold dark nights was the possibility of a visit to Thailand when the contract finished.
The contract ended on Christmas Eve. I was thanked for my efforts by the plant director and given a very good written reference. I had lived quite frugally, addressed the majority of the debts accrued in the previous twelve months and taxed and insured my ageing Mondeo for a further year. I had managed to accumulate a few quid which was probably enough for a visit to Thailand, but on the proviso that I could find a new source of income within the next month or so.
There was no doubt a trip to Thailand would be good for my state of mind and would repair my spirit. However with an extended period of unemployment a distinct possibility I was understandably hesitant to blow my last few quid. I can recall a time I would have had little compunction about spending my last penny on a Siamese sojourn, I remember for several years living on a six month horizon existing only for the next trip to the kingdom. However having experienced twelve months of severe austerity I was cautious about becoming penniless again. There was also the income tax I owed to consider.
For the first time in many years I was hesitant about going to Bangkok. I could not generate the usual enthusiasm for a campaign of carnality in the kingdom. I did not feel alive enough to fully appreciate it. Besides the financial consideration I seemed to be having issues with my libido. It was not a physiological problem with my equipment more a total lack of interest in women in general. Whether this was due to concerns with my health or that not having had any horizontal activity for almost two years my manly sausage had become a piece of redundant skin hanging lifelessly from my abdomen.
Another explanation was offered by a syndrome identified by American sex therapist Dr Ian Kerner known as SADD (Sexual Attention Deficient Disorder). This is a general disinterest in physical relationships caused by excessive masturbation to easily available internet porn. I was vaguely aware of this condition and had previously referred to it as porn blindness. I am therefore having a complete rest from internet porn. I have blocked the more unsavoury sites, put away the left handed mouse and now wear boxing gloves when on my computer. After only a week the deterioration to my eyesight has reduced, the RSI in my wrist is easing and my libido is slowly returning. I clearly now need to get out in the sunlight more often.
In a previous submission I reported I have lived intermittently in Wednesbury for over 30 years but was ashamed to admit although I had a wide circle of friends elsewhere I did not have a single friend in the district where I lived.
In the past year I have done much to rectify this and get rid of my “Billy no mates” tag. My performance of Mat Munro numbers on the karaoke in local bars has gained me some notoriety; however the key factor has been the weekly quiz at the neighbourhood pub. It is a lively and popular event and usually has around 20 teams enter. I turned up one evening and entered as a team of one. As sometimes happens the questions fell for me and I won the quiz to the astonishment of the assembled throng. The prize that evening was a voucher for 2 gallons (16 pints) of beer. When presented at the bar the bar staff would issue a pint and sign the voucher until said 16 pints were consumed. The thought of a beer chit with which I could acquire refreshment without exchange of coin of the realm amused me no end …but then I am easily pleased. I rate it on a par with receiving a credit note for a barfine and long time in a Bangkok go-go bar.
My quiz winning performance elicited an unexpected interest and I was suddenly in demand. I had invitations to join several of the existing teams. The offer from a bunch of hairy arsed male teachers offered little attraction. I was tempted by a team comprising three poofs and a fat wench but I opted to join a team with two lady librarians I had known for some time. Two of their friends had moved out of the area leaving a vacancy for me. It also left a space should either of my lads come to the quiz with me, which they did on a few occasions.
The one girl Jo is a fine looking woman just turned 40 with a truly magnificent pair of enhanced breasts paid for by her sugar daddy boyfriend. She supplements her income working on telephone chat lines….you know the ones that lonely gentleman call when in need of inspiration during solitary pleasures. I would imagine she is very good at it. She is a good hearted person but somewhat deluded about her beauty and gets very moody if she is not the centre of attention. She is the very epitome of the “L’Oreal …because you’re worth it” syndrome very common in western women.
Her pal Lin is a completely different character. She is 55, petite, cultured, intelligent and charming. We share numerous interests and are exceedingly comfortable in each other's company. She is happily married and as I know her husband well I am more than happy with our platonic friendship although feel in another life we would have probably been soul mates. She has read most of my Stickman submissions and short stories so she has a good understanding of my predilections.
The other week I asked her in passing if she knew any suitable unattached female friends she could introduce to me. I explained that despite having a wide and diverse circle of friends, in 8 years not one (English) female friend had proffered an introduction. I was surprised at her reply “I do have a number of unattached female friends but if you met them it would not take you long to establish exactly WHY they are still single”. She went on to describe some examples of unbelievably narcissistic behaviour and sociopathic conduct amongst her female friends that even exceeded my capacity for disbelief. She claimed most of the younger women she knew hadn’t a clue what they wanted but they certainly wanted it NOW and all her older friends just wanted a handyman to drive them to the shops, clean the bathroom or mow the lawn. She concluded her account with the declaration she would not introduce any of them to her worst enemy ….never mind a good friend.
There is nothing as satisfying as receiving evidence that confirms a well entrenched prejudice.
During my job searching I would often encounter a strange response particularly if I was applying for a modest position. The interviewer would read my resume and question why with my qualifications and experience I wanted this job and exclaim “you so are so much better than this”. This is invariably said just prior to rejection.
I recently applied for a job with the company that had taken over some of the business from my last employer. The works director interviewing me claimed to remember me from college and knew of my career. He talked loftily about considering me for several positions including managing the prestigious motorsport foundry (which I did not believe for a moment). I explained I really needed a job and would be quite happy just to run his night shift. When I heard the dreaded “but you are so much better than that” I knew I would not get a job offer.
I often get a similar reaction from acquaintances and colleagues that consider my interest in Thai women is an inferior substitute for my apparent inability to pull a proper English woman and advise me “you so are so much better than this”.
Whilst this disconcerts me somewhat I can (sort of) understand their perspective. One of the guys who I worked with in my last job is the same age as me and got divorced from his English wife at the same time as I did. He is a decent chap and from his various accounts it was evident he had enjoyed some success with English women in the prevailing years since his divorce. Compared to him I had probably frittered away the potentially productive years between the age of 46 and 56. It was difficult to not apply the dreaded “L” word to my situation. The only consolation I had was the memory of the soft brown bodies of 36 delicious Thai women I had known.
I felt envious of my pal’s success, until I saw the photos of the six women he had been with. Not one of them would have fit through the door of my small apartment without a shoe horn and a tub of axle grease.
January has passed, I am conscious that time is passing quickly and I have achieved very little. I still haven’t found a job, written a novel or had a Siamese sojourn. I awoke one morning last week determined to rectify the latter. I decided if I could find a flight I would mount the big bird to Bangkok without further delay. The opportunity to see my pals Phil and Union Hill was extremely compelling as they have always been my rock in times of adversity and never fail to lift my spirits. Unfortunately my luck never improves and the very day I resolved upon booking my visit I received notification of my tax liability for the year. It will come as little surprise the figure I owe is greater than the money I had saved for my Thailand trip. If I fell in a bath full of breasts I would undoubtedly come up sucking my thumb. I must postpone my visit and have delayed the application of the just for men to my hair and the shaving of my scrotum that usually precedes a trip to the kingdom.
I do remain optimistic. I have continued to apply for several jobs but suspect no appointments will be made until after Easter. In the interim I am engaged in some consultancy work for an old protégé of mine who now owns a small foundry and pattern shop. I bumped into him a few weeks ago and told him about my unsuccessful job applications particularly the night shift position. His remark “but you are so much better than that” was in this instance followed by an appeal to come and work with him a couple of days a week developing his business. It is a challenging and interesting venture which if successful will be a great opportunity for me. If not it will at least keep me both engaged and solvent for a month or so.
So it may be nearer Easter before I make my appearance in the salacious sois of Suhkumvit but I will be sitting in the Nana’s Golden bar before you know it…. just watch this space.
ThailandLoveLinks is a huge site with a phenomenal number of Thai female members and is in a class of its own. I am surprised that anyone who is not looking for a genuine Thai partner doesn't check it out (and the banner is right above this paragraph if you are too lazy to type it in!)
The readership is rooting for you and I am sure I speak on behalf of the readership that we eagerly wait the submission where you inform us that you have returned to permanent full-time employment and that you will once again be once or twice yearly fixture in dodgy alleys off Sukhumvit!