6 Things To Do With A Bargirl

Like many guys on here, I have had the best times of my life with bar girls in Thailand, but now at 48 years old with a beautiful Thai wife and a 3-year old daughter the days of gogo bars, barfines, soapy massages and other such antics are over.

These days I don’t get out much to the bar scene, but I still like to have a chat and play games with the local totty in the bars, however not wanting to spoil the almost perfect life I have with my family, my PFP has been considerably toned down.

Here are 6 things to do with a bar girl that does not involve a short time hotel: –

No. 1 Learn to speak Thai

I have hacked away at the language for about 9 years, learning the weird pronunciation, the tones, the grammar and the strange written script. This alone allows interaction with bar girls and an insight into their lives that simply cannot be grasped if you speak only English. In my experience many girls appear to speak very clear English, but once outside the usual simple topics of bar conversation they really do struggle. I have spent many hours learning Thai with bar girls though as I found out later, some of their language is not very polite. After a few beers I like to take the opportunity to practice my Thai with my wife’s friends and family often with cringing results. In one instance at a party in Isaan, my wife’s 17-year-old niece asked where I leant to speak Thai and with a straight face I told her that I studied for 5 years at Nana University on Sukhumvit Soi 4. She had never heard of it, so she asked her sister if she knew of this university; unfortunately her sister was at the other end of the table and after a long and painful silence with disapproving stares from just about every member of the family the conversation moved on.

No. 2 The wooden dice game

Bar girls play this over and over again, every night and get bored. Spice it up a bit…every time she wins, give her 100 baht, if you win she gives you 20. There is no skill in this game, the odds are even and she knows it, watch her excitement when she clears the board.

No. 3 The guess my age game

How many time have you been in a bar and she asks your age? You say guess and she comes in with an age 5 to 10 years younger than it is…makes you feel good …if you believe it. After going through that rigmarole; try this:

Put your passport on the bar with a 500 baht note inside (1000 if you’re feeling generous).

Ask her again how old you are; if she gets it right she gets the cash. Tell her she can confer with her friends; this game is serious, up to 5 girls gather round pondering your age and quite often the mamasan gets roped in. It’s still tricky to get the answer exactly right and don’t be surprised if you hear some girls mumbling you are up to 5 years older than you actually are.

Sometimes they win; more often than not they lose, one thing for sure is the original 5 to 10 year younger estimate disappears. Never mind…a round of drinks and all participants are happy… cheers!

No. 4 Take her out for a meal

Never tried this with a bargirl because of the bar fine element, but I have taken a few freelancers from the soi 3 to soi 7 side of Sukhumvit. It goes something like this:-

I pick a girl (preferably not a ladyboy), approach her and spark up a conversation. I tell her I am not interested in a shag but am going to a restaurant and don’t want to eat alone and would she like to come with me. At this point she is confused, until I offer 1000 baht for 2 hours. I have never been turned down… ever.

Now some of these girls are really hard faced, but back to No.1, the ability to speak simple Thai makes a huge difference and I have had some really interesting conversations with these girls. Some have had very tough lives; they tell me about their kids, their boyfriends, their families’ demands for money and the real reasons why they work on the street instead of a bar…it really is an eye opener. Two hours later after the meal I pay up, she’s happy, she wants my phone number, she never ask for more money, she leaves and I guess, she goes back to the same spot I picked her up from.

No. 5 Take some food to the bar.

Never tried this in Bangkok but it makes for a nice afternoon in my hometown in Chiang Mai. There is a bar on Loh Kroh Road where every day at about 3 pm one of those BBQ/steam boat things appears in the bar and the girls start cooking fish, chicken and vegetables. Chatting with one girl she said how fed up she was with the Isaan food and cheap vegetables they eat every day. The next day I went to Rimping supermarket, which is an operation aimed at expats and food costs equally if not more than Marks and Spencer’s in the UK, but it is top quality stuff.

1000 baht buys the best crab, squid, king prawns, chicken, pork, beef etc. Back to the bar and it all gets thrown onto the BBQ / steam boat thing and judging by the happy smiling faces it really does make a difference to eat some quality nosh for a change. A round of drinks to cap it off and all is well with the world.

No. 6 Buy her a lottery ticket

Ever been in a bar when the old dear with the lottery ticket board comes around? Tell your girl you will buy her a ticket as long as she agrees to give you half the winnings if her numbers come up. Get a bit of paper from the bar; make the ‘contract’ and exchange phone numbers. The chances of her winning the lottery are slim and the chances of her giving you half are zero. Just watch the concentration she puts in when choosing the ticket…it takes a long time to find that lucky combination of numbers. A quick prayer to Buddha, 100+ baht to the ticket seller and your bargirl is in with a chance of becoming a millionaire…at your expense.

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I live in Thailand for 5 months every year enjoying the company of my wife and daughter, soaking up the laid back Thai life style, horse riding, cycling, playing tennis, swimming, travelling and taking it easy. When I think back 22 years ago, starting my career, struggling with a mortgage, and trying to keep up with the incessant demands of my (now ex) UK wife I consider myself very lucky to have what I have now.

It has been mentioned several times on this site that some bar girls earn in excess of 100K baht per month and I have no doubt some of the stunners in Rainbow 4 do, but not the plain average bar girls that I like to chat to in the beer bars on Sukhumvit Soi 4 and Loy Kroh road in Chiang Mai. Working in a bar may seem an easy option to some but my impression is, it is not a choice a girl would make if she could get a decent job paying a decent wage elsewhere.

I have no interest in getting a leg over but am happy to pay for a girls time and once a bar girl realises this, she sort of relaxes a bit and treats me more as a friend than a ‘customer’. However I have been in Thailand long enough to know that bar girls are very good actors, their job is to provide what the customer wants. I get an afternoon’s entertainment with happy smiling young ladies, she gets a happy customer and crucially, some cash in her handbag…all without the hassle of a short time hotel.

Martin