Readers' Submissions

My Experience Of The P4P Scene

  • Written by Jay
  • January 6th, 2011
  • 13 min read

I first came to the Land Of the Scams in July 2010 for 1 week. I stayed predominately in Patong and I hated the place. This was due to the company I was with and because of my expectations.

I was so excited that I was going to a Mecca where I would be an attractive male able to “pull” almost any woman I wanted. In the back of my mind I was thinking of meeting a nice girlfriend who would love me till the end of my days and I'd
bring her home with me and live happily ever after. That fantasy of the submissive, exotic, Asian female was in my head (both heads actually)… I suppose I should have stayed out of Patong to meet such a lady but to be honest, where else is a
farang going to go! I mean I don't speak Thai, and I wasn't familiar with the Stickman site so I wasn't sure where to get good information on the place (I've since become a daily reader and have read most of the 2010 and some
of the 2009 weekly reports!!).

I came back to Phuket in October and stayed out of the busier places and stayed in Karon before moving through the islands to eventually visit BKK and Pattaya. I was with two relaxed individuals who I was able to have intelligent and interesting
conversations with every evening (one of life's greatest pleasures). One of the guys I was with didn't sleep with one bargirl over the holiday. They bored him. Me and the other guy did, and had a variety of experiences, good and bad.
I'll probably go back there because like so many Stickman readers, there is just this pull to the place. I will take on board the advice given from the readers whose opinions I respect. Such as Sawadee's advice on volunteering. Doing
that stuff is good for the soul indeed. I thank god I didn't go to Thailand when I was in my twenties cause I would have definitely been ripe material for a “bargirl done me wrong” submission. I like reading BritCiderHead's
submissions and can totally relate to them. And I'm no man to give advice or pass judgement but I really believe Stick hit the nail on the head when he said that you would tire of the place once you lived there. I mean think about it. If
you spend one month a year in a place then that one month represents approx 8% of your years' experiences. The majority of the good and bad experiences of that year will be where you spend most of your time. I strongly suspect that a year
in Thailand could quite easily lead to some truly horrifying experiences at worst, and some plain nasty ones at best. But I'm no one to judge, as you will see from the bulk of my submission. I'm writing this for my own benefit and I
am also interested to hear feedback, if any. What I write is all 100% truthful…

We sit here stranded though we all do our best to deny it ~ Bob Dylan

My first sexual experience was a humiliating disaster. It left me numb and terrified of intimacy. I was also extremely shy at the time and
suffered from the level of anxiety that was socially prohibitive. These factors; plus the fact that I come from a large family of only one girl, went to an all boys school my whole life and studied engineering in Uni (what ratio of engineers are
female anyone?) led me to be uncomfortable around women. Even now, years and much personal development later and most of my friends are male. I just reckon they make better friends. I have quite a few female friends who I would rate as highly
as any of my male friends and guess what? They totally agree with me on this. I'm not knocking the female half of humanity at all. That would be a belief that would be counterproductive to living as a well-rounded human being in society not
to mention plain ridiculous. Female bashing seems to be fairly common on these type of sites. To be honest, the ratio of honest females who behave with integrity, statistically speaking, has to be the same for males. How many males do you know
who talk complete and utter lies down the pub to bolster their egos? You know who you are.

Anyways, back to the story. My way of overcoming my shyness was to visit prostitutes. I didn't lose my virginity to one but it wasn't a “back ally Sally” experience either. I choose the girl whilst sober. She was Turkish
and I got the usual Amsterdam-age treatment (they make you come as quickly as possible). I grew up in a pretty Catholic environment (but thankfully father's fiddly fingers stayed away from me so I guess there's some advantage to being
average looking). I was a regular mass goer and regularly prayed until my early twenties. So when I had my first working girl experience and walked out the door I was quite surprised to see that the world was still the same. I wasn't struck
down by a lightning bolt, or washed down to the fiery depths of hell by some apocalyptic wave. I actually felt good about myself. I paid the girl and walked out the door and absolutely nothing had changed. The world was still spinning like it
always did and always would. I still looked, walked and talked the same only now I felt “normal”. I was a sexually active being. The “taboo” of prostitution was forever broken.

I'm pretty sure there are heaps of effects that visiting prostitutes has on the male psyche. I'm not speaking on behalf of anyone but myself when I say this but these effects are not all positive. Neither are they all negative.
It's nearly 10 years since my first working girl experience (I'll call it P4P from now on) and since then I've had three 1-year relationships. And one 6 month one. Amongst the numerous freebies or fuck buddies or whatever you want
to name them. I've never cheated on a girlfriend, although to quote Adam Sandler in “Funny People”, don't be fucking ridiculous man – it's not like you've got beautiful women coming on to you all the time.
I only told one girl that I'd visited prostitutes and she didn't care. I became more confident in myself as a result of these relationships both with working and non working girls. I've lost count of the amount of times I've
paid for it. I've done the deed in about 10 different countries in 3 different continents. I've had awful experiences where I've left feeling worse than I did before – the more recent one where I had awesome sex with a working girl,
who seemed genuinely horny, where I started to develop feelings for her (don't ask – the reason for this was partly due to the lifestyle I was living at the time).

So am I a happy contented individual? Is some woman capable of making me happy? Am I going to meet and fall in love with some Hollywood-like fantasy and live happily ever after? I'm not to sure about any of these. But I do firmly believe
that happiness can be achieved through the correct actions of the individual. To be honest, after I came back from my 5-week trip to Thailand where I blew an obscene amount of money on myself, I felt the best I had in quite a while. Now one month
later and I'm back to pretty normal levels of happiness. It feels good to have sex with someone. I'm physically fit and reasonably attractive looking. I normally feel self conscious talking to women in clubs. It's like I'm
asking them for something they don't want to give away I've spoken to a psychotherapist about the whole p4p scene and I reckon what it amounts to really is greed. Plain and simple. Life isn't always a pleasant experience. Unfulfilled
desires, discontentment, getting old and fat etc. Personally I feel that it is my right as a human being to be able to have sex. I mean, is that too much to ask? What if it was as difficult to perform another natural bodily function? Imagine waiting
two months to go to the toilet or to go to sleep. The bottom line, for me, is that sex is a form of currency throughout this spinning globe we live on. It's used to sell everything from cars to cornflakes. Women are made to feel they have
to look a certain way by glossy magazines full of young beautiful people. If older people are being visually represented the images are usually airbrushed. Males are made to feel like they have to achieve / obtain certain things in order to be
“one of the lads”. I remember hearing a radio talk show where they were discussing a practice amongst rural housewives where they would withhold sex from their partners until a certain necessity for the house was bought, such as
a washing machine or whatever. How depressing. Why would you do that to someone you wilfully chose to spend the rest of your life with?

For me there's an unmistakable feeling of power in the whole mongering scene. When I'm in a club in Farangland I sometimes feel quite intimidated. In Nana Plaza I feel like a kid in a candy shop. Incidentally, the women in farang
clubs are about 100 times better looking than Thai women, and this is from a man who loves Asian ladies. I've got some friends over here who are quite muscular and good looking and have no problem pulling women and guess what? They wouldn't
be caught dead with a Thai prostitute. I don't think it's a big secret what type of farang are attracted to the Thai p4p scene. And yes I am holding my hand up here. I'm not saying this like it's a bad thing. One of my aforementioned
friends, on me coming back from my Thai trip, told me that the whole scene was fake. And he was right. It is completely fake, just like Disneyland and Donald Duck are fake. Disneyland appeals to children's fantasies and P4P appeals to the
unfulfilled child in every irresponsible adult. It appeals to the part of the male psyche that screams ME ME ME. I WANT. My pleasure, my cock being pleased, my ego being caressed. If we gave in to this part of ourselves we would be immature, selfish
self absorbed twats. Oh – and you can add in unhappy as well. It's sad that I feel like I have to pay for sex if I want to do it with an attractive female. In clubs in Thailand you are judged on your ability to provide funds. In Farangland
you are judged on your looks and your ability to be a funny, charismatic, witty motherfucker who is going to make a lady “feel like a natural woman”. As you have already guessed I am not too adept at pulling attractive ladies (I
do alright with the less attractive skanks thank you). As humans we have basic needs such as protection from the elements, food and warmth etc. As social humans we require what is called in psychotherapy as “strokes” which is like
units of recognition. We can get conditional strokes, for achieving and doing things like winning in sports or getting a promotion. We can also get unconditional strokes for just being, like someone saying they love you, recognition for just being
who you are. Obviously the latter is a more sustaining experience for your psyche and self esteem. Especially as a child. For me working girls provided the former type of strokes, pardon the pun. But I feel good after most of these experiences.
I am always a gentleman and usually tip. It's only in Thailand, incidentally, where a prostitute will put so much effort into pretending she is your girlfriend. Sure you can rent a prostitute for the day in any country but they usually don't
actually expect you to be stupid enough to think its anything else. Thai prostitutes (NOT Thai women) really must think farang men are sick.

So what's the point of my ramblings, you ask?! I don't really have one. To be honest I've been fascinated by the whole paying for sex scene and my relationship with it for a long time. I don't regret all I've done
and I'm not proud of it. Its just something that I've done. I've always tried to do the right thing by people, I mean sure I'd like to be Mick Jagger and be able to fuck a girl 40 years younger than me and not be called a sex
tourist like the men in Thailand with the same age difference between them and their partners (and also the same income difference – are you reading this Mick). In an ideal world it'd all be so simple. We wouldn't have to work, it wouldn't
rain on weekends, plenty of food and sex all round. But that's not the life we lead. The truth is that most of the world lives in poverty, and we all know that this usually leads to people being treated with incredible cruelty. I'm not
trying to give anyone advice on how to live their lives, or suggesting we all hold hands and listen to Paul McCartney records or anything like that. I'm just sharing my experiences with like minded individuals. I mean, everyone wants to be
happy in their own way. But what the fuck does that mean? Fucking your brains out in Thailand? I don't know what it means for you but for me its more a state of mind than an actual physical situation. Being autonomous as a personally, not
relying on someone else's approval. Having a partner who you like, and who likes you back. Being bored!! Good friends and good company. Mental health – happiness is a mental state. Lets be honest, and I'm not being mean here,
but prostitutes are damaged goods. Mentally, physically and spiritually. They are generally disturbed individuals with a heap of baggage who will lie to you and will absolutely NOT have your best interests at heart. Surely you deserve better that
this?

It's the beginning of a new year and personally I'm going to upgrade my happiness levels in 2011. It's been a somewhat difficult (and yet hugely rewarding) couple of years for me. I'm going to try and grow a set of balls
and accept the things I cannot change, although I will not promise that I won't ever pay for sex again. I mean I would like to say that I won't do it but I honestly believe in setting realistic goals. One step at a time as they say.
Anyways, thank you for reading my ramblings. Good luck for 2011 🙂

Jay



Stickman's
thoughts:

You touch on some interesting points. For guys who use prostitutes frequently or "all the time", I think there is potentially a real downside. Some guys can manage their life while doing that whereas others just can't. One has to be careful not to become addicted because too much time spent in the industry – be it as a service provider, a user, an employee or whatever, can end badly. The industry has the potential to, and does, ruin lives.