Green Star Readers' Submissions January 12th, 2011

It’s All Up To You

Self destruction occurs through over-indulgence, lack of personal discipline and vindictiveness

There's a Thai contributor, to another well known Bangkok blog, that has my begrudging respect. The English is a bit
rough at times but the message being delivered, particularly if you are a farang here in Thailand, impacts right between the eyes.

He Clinic Bangkok

“It all comes down to personal choice, that you choose to live, and how you want to become a victim in Thai society ..sadly but it's the truth”

Like I said; right between the eyes.

Life here is about individual choice and whether you want to put yourself in a position to be a victim. There are some unsavoury aspects to life here in this town (Bangkok). Whether, or not, you choose to get yourself involved in questionable
activities, or situations which are not going to do you any good, long term, is entirely up to you; the individual. Hanging out in go-go bars? It's fun but no one is forcing you to be there. Getting involved with a bargirl? Once again individual
choice and no one to blame, except yourself, when it all goes pear shaped.

CBD bangkok

Like so many others, in this land of layered realities, I have a lasting monument to my naivety. A garish looking, purple colored, condo building halfway down the Sukhumvit line; it sits there like some silent, hulking sentinel. A reminder
to my past follies as I ride along the BTS line each day. But, that's okay because it serves a purpose; it's a harsh lesson. It's my Karma. It's the sobering reality of reaping what we sew; of the idea that for every action
there's an equal and opposite reaction.

Introspection can tear you apart, if you let it. It can also be a valuable tool to assess who, and what, you are. During my recent time offshore I'd come to the realization that my world, like so many others working in the same industry,
is one of impermanence and transience. That the type of occupation, that I'd spent so many years in, does not lend itself, easily, to forming lasting relationships with the female gender. I'd seen it with my father, years ago, and now
I understood why he was emotionally distant, often drunk and why, eventually, he just never came back.

This, added to the fact that I was someone who was a thrill seeker – I'd grown up on a diet of surfing, scuba diving and high risk type occupations – and I was beginning to see why “the industry” seemed to
pull me in. It had a buzz about it. It offered impermanence with short term thrills.

After fifty days offshore I was back in town. The girls that I'd been with, before I'd gone, had stopped communicating with me. But, that was fine because I wasn't looking for any kind of commitment anymore. I was in town with
the experience of hindsight, money in the bank and a much better idea of who, and what, I was. I was comfortable with the idea that I would just look after my own needs before anyone else now.

wonderland clinic

People often talk about reality. If you are an older farang, in Thailand, this is the reality: unless you marry a wealthy Thai woman, most relationships with Thai ladies, particularly if there's a large age difference, are all about
the money; even more so if she has a low level of education and comes from a poor, rural background. If you're comfortable with that then all well and good but please don't try and tell me it's anything else other than that. As
the man said, if you want to be a victim then the choice is the individual's and his alone. I've done the victim thing and it's a road to nowhere except misery and ruin.

If a Thai lady that you had a relationship with finds someone else but keeps telling you that she still loves you, and wants to keep seeing you as well, then you need to get away from that situation, quickly. Be assured, it's not about
love. It's only about money, and sex, and having someone (you) around as the back-up plan. The litmus test would be if you simply said that you weren't going to hand over any more cash. Her interest, no doubt, would quickly dissipate.
Another reality check would be if you tried asking decent, educated, middle class Thai people if the above mentioned situation is a normal state of affairs. No doubt the strange looks they might give you could be interpreted as a serious questioning
of your mental state; in other words, is your head in the right place?

The hardest part is to know oneself and to be able to admit one's failings; and mine are many. I now know that I don't do relationships too well and although I always think I should be in one, it seems to always fall apart. I got
involved with my first Thai wife for all the wrong reasons. The negative impact of those reasons saw me getting involved with another Thai women (and I've already written plenty about that) for all the wrong reasons. It's the idea of
karma again. Incorrect (negative) actions have incorrect (negative) consequences and the only way to truly set things right is to understand, and accept, one's failings. Hindsight, and acceptance of one's failings, makes us wiser and
stronger. I'm now fully aware that it might just be better for me to remain single.

Still, it's normal for any man to look for a bit of female companionship. In Thailand it's as easy, or as complex, as one wants to make it when it comes to a bit of female companionship. Go to a bar, pay a bar fine, go home, pay
them off, don't get attached. The bottom line is still the bottom line. Internet dating sites, despite claims to the contrary by many of the ladies online, are still primarily the domain of the less affluent ladies, from rural Thailand, looking
to bag a farang for a leg up in life. The bottom line, once again, is still the bottom line. Taking this into consideration, and understanding that I'm a relationship vacuum, my places of social interaction tend to be Spasso's and CM2,
on the weekend, and Soi Cowboy during the week. It's simple and uncomplicated. No one gets their hopes up to any great degree.

I descended, down the stairway, into the basement of the Novotel on Siam Square. CM2 was the name of the night club which occupied the large open space beneath the hotel. I pushed through the entrance doors to feel the full blast of the music
pumping from the night club's speakers. The resident DJ was in the groove with techno while the band was on its 30-minute break between sets. I paid the entrance fee and moved towards the front bar. It was Friday night and there was already
a decent crowd spread throughout the entire floor area. As luck would have it, there was a vacant table just a few feet from the bar. I sat down and waved a waiter over to take my order. The area around the front bar was the domain of the Thai
'working girl' while the area towards the back bar was occupied predominantly by the Russian/East Euro ladies. It was as though there was some tacit agreement in place and the premises had an imaginary dividing line so they didn't
impinge on others' hunting ground. As I sat there I surveyed my surroundings; most of what was around me, in female terms, was short with black hair. It was predominantly Isarn. I looked across to the dance floor and locked onto a pair of
eyes staring straight at me. It was definitely a Bangkok girl; tall, with white skin and big tits. I smiled, she smiled back and raised her glass and then turned back to converse with her friends at the same table. She looked hot but I didn't
want to make it too obvious that I was interested in her. I ordered two Jack and cokes and then, after handing over the drink coupons and taking a healthy slug, looked across at hot Bangkok pussy, and her three mates, and waited for the inevitable
to occur.

As if on cue, they all looked across at me. I smiled and raised my glass to which they smiled and chok dee'd back.

They looked early 20s and were, most probably, uni students moonlighting on the weekend. The one I'd originally locked eyes onto started waving me over to their table. No doubt their bottle was probably empty. But, what the hell, no
point sitting alone. I grabbed my drinks and moved towards their table.

“Sawasdee Krap” I said with a big smile as I approached their table.

I moved in beside the hottie that had been smiling at me.

“Sawadee Ka” they said in unison.

I looked at their bottle. I was right, it was nearly empty. I laughed.

“I think we'd better order another bottle” I said with a slightly cynical grin.

In a flash the girls had called the waiter over and made the order. Introductions were made. The hottie's name was
Ann and she was in her final year of doing a fashion design degree.

“So where you come from, Mike?” said Ann looking at me intently.

“I'm from England” I replied with a sugary smile.

“What do you do in England?”

“I'm a doctor” I replied.

“What are you doing in Thailand Mike?” said Ann with an increasing level of interest.

“Well, I'm here on a 2-week vacation. I'm looking at buying a condo that I can use for my vacations when I come here twice each year” I said once again without batting an eyelid.

“Really? I could help you if you want” said Ann looking quite excited.

The bottle arrived and I paid off the waiter. Ann pressed up against me and offered me a full glass of black and soda. Three drinks later I was feeling pretty relaxed, almost lucid, as I looked out across the dance floor and the band cranked
into a tune to fit my mood.

“No more gas in the rig can't even get it started

Nothin' heard nothin' said can't even speak about it

I'm all light on my head don't wanna think about it

Feels like I'm going insane, yeah, yeah

It's a thief in the night to come and grab you

It can creep up inside you and consume you

A disease of the mind it can control you

It's too close for comfort

Your break lights

There in the city of wonder

And you complain nights

What chance you might just go under

Better think twice

Bet ya follow the odds there

So if you must pause or be wise

Your minds in disturbia

It's like the dark within light


And it's scarin' you tonight


May you use the white light


Maybe it was the booze. Maybe it was the lag from doing night shift kicking in again, I don't know, but I suddenly felt like I was in a mad, chaotic, spinning vortex. Like I was standing completely detached and watching some kind of
frenetic, mini-capsule of a moment of life on this planet and it hardly registered. It just seemed pointless. Girls were laughing, glasses clinking, girls working their potential customers, the band pumping out at a decibel range high enough to
cause hearing loss, the crowd on the dance floor, and everyone in a frenzied, inebriated state. My mind drifted back to an earlier time in my life, the ssshhh. If you've never surfed you'd never know what that was. Nobody in here would
know. It's when you're completely enveloped by a liquid tube and all you can hear is that ssshhh. It's the sound of natural world at its most compelling. It's where we originated from; the ocean. It's time standing still
and touching our very souls for an instant. White sand, blue water and a hot sun flashes through my mind.

“Mike, Mike, do you want another drink?” said Ann shaking my arm.

I turned and looked at her with that look that comes from the back of the brain. Some call it the thousand yard stare but it's just when your mind is completely, and totally, focused on something that any kind of interruption doesn't
initially register. Ann looked at me and flinched. I'm reaching into her soul. I know you're game; you need money. Her eyes drop. There's some kind of sub-conscious understanding there. These people's thought processes are
centuries old. Animism, Buddhism, spiritual understanding, whatever, it's in their DNA.

“You know what I do, don't you Mike?” she says without looking at me.

“Yeah, I do” I said neutrally.

“I'm sorry Mike, I have no choice. I need money” she says still averting her eyes from mine.

“It's okay Ann, I understand. I'm sorry as well.”


“Because I lied to you. I'm not a doctor from England and I'm not here on vacation” I say looking into her eyes.

“Really, why you tell me that?”

“Because all of this isn't real, Ann; it's just part of a game. The game of people using each other to get what they want and I'm really tired of it” I said.

I looked at the bottle. It was still half full. I'd had enough and I wanted to go.

“I think I'll go now, Ann.”

“I want to come with you, Mike” she said holding on to me.

I had to admit I could do with a bit of female companionship for the night. We walked out into the balmy evening and stood at the top of the stairway.

“Mike” said Ann looking at me uncomfortably.

I put a finger to my lips and held up four fingers on the other hand. She smiled and wrapped an arm around my waist. I looked at my watch; it was only 12:30 AM. I didn't feel like going back to the condo just yet. I wanted to go somewhere
to clear my mind and enjoy the night without feeling hemmed in. I flagged down a taxi.

“Labua State Tower krap” I said as we pulled away from the Novotel.

Ann's eyes got bigger and brighter; no doubt the worries of negotiating her price (fee) for the night having been quickly forgotten.

Price, of course, is a very important thing in Thailand simply because virtually everything is equated to a monetary value. Thais, unlike so many westerners, don't have any hang-ups with this. It's pragmatic and practical. If you
want something, then you'll need to pay the stated, or perceived, going rate. A bit of horizontal folk dancing with non professionals, such as Ann, will cost more simply because they know, only too well, that they bring a lot more to the
table than the average Nana or Cowboy professional.

The mindset is the complete opposite to what you encounter in the western world. I've had Thai women look at me incredulously and shake their heads in amazement when I've told them that women, in the western world, do it for free.
“Have they no pride” is the reaction I got from one Thai lady. There's nothing to be embarrassed about over the idea that what they've got between their legs has value and is, essentially, a commodity with a price. Taken
to the ultimate degree, the idea that a Thai women's value is equated as a monetary price, it becomes sin sod. Sin sod is the price a Thai man will pay to the parents of the lady he wishes to marry. It is the estimated potential
future worth of the daughter which will be forfeited when she leaves her parents. The higher up you go on the rungs of Thailand's societal ladder, the greater the worth and, therefore, the higher the price. This reinforces the idea that,
in Thailand, daughters have more value than sons. Thai men, of course, don't quite see it that way because the illusion that's created through the pampering they receive throughout their lives from the women gives them an exaggerated
sense of their worth. Thai women although perceived by those with limited understanding of Thai culture, are not submissive and dominated; they are the very backbone of the country. They are taught, from early in life, that they are required to
support the family and, when they eventually get married, cater to their husband's needs. It's a black and white scenario which is completely unlike the muddled, confused concepts of gender roles in the west. Everyone knows their responsibilities.
The angry feminists of the western world don't see it this way of course. To them, all western single males coming to Thailand are labeled as devious perverts – or losers who couldn't keep a relationship together in their home countries
– taking advantage of the submissiveness of Thai women. Their uninformed judgments being expressed from a limited knowledge of the people, culture and land they consider themselves to be experts in. Their spiteful attitudes are the exact
reason why so many western males are relocating to Thailand.

Thai women, while appearing to be submissive, are, in actual fact, the exact opposite to what you encounter with a western woman; a Thai woman is soft on the outside and tough at the center while a western woman offers a harder exterior while
being emotionally softer inside. The emotional strength of a person is, when it comes down to it, just an extension of the culture you've grown up in. The western world has become a culture of instant gratitude and aggressive competitiveness
where patience is not something to be admired. Thai culture is infused with the Buddhist ideas of maintaining harmony, keeping a cool heart and enduring patience. Something, I'm sure, the average westerner could learn a lot from.

The problem for so many farang males coming to Thailand is that they try to apply the ideas and principles, of their western experience / culture, to a relationship with a Thai lady. Many, carrying the baggage of a previous failed relationship
in the west, become even more bitter and confused when the seemingly soft and submissive Thai lady, they first entered into a relationship with, eventually becomes a much tougher entity to deal with. A Thai lady will give you everything you want
and more. She'll give you the best sex you've ever had. She'll wash you from head to toe, clip your nails, serve you breakfast, and wash and iron your clothes. The thing to never lose sight of though is that this attentive pampering
is not to be taken for granted; she will expect her efforts to be rewarded or compensated. The trade off will be financial security for herself and her family. Failure by the farang to recognize, or understand, this will see her quickly lose interest
and move on to greener pastures.

The taxi pulled up in front of the lobby at the State Tower. As we walked towards the entrance I had a silent, inward laugh and reflected on the fact that the last time I was here, three months previously, the wannabe hi-so I had in tow had
helped herself to 1,700 baht glasses of French Champagne without batting an eyelid. That little voice inside the head, the one we so often ignore in this exotic land, had told me to run and quickly. I did. My choice, my mistake, allowing myself
to be the victim again.

The bar, Sirocco, probably has one of the most spectacular urban views of any watering hole on this planet. The price of the drinks, while being over the top expensive, are quickly forgotten as one leans on the enclosing handrail and surveys
the expanse of the night time vista that surrounds you, 60 floors below. We stood there with our drinks quietly taking it all in. Ann snuggled up next to me.

“Thank you Mike, this is beautiful. First time I be here” she said.

Sometimes we just need to switch off and enjoy the moment and appreciate what we've got. Sure there's some nasty stuff out there in this town but there's also some incredible things to experience as well. I reflected on the
fact that there were probably millions of guys out there, across the globe, who would give their right arms to be standing where I was right now. Sometimes we don't know how lucky we are. It reminded me of something a good friend of mine
had said to me a few months ago when I was at an emotional low point.

“You know what the secret to happiness in life is, my man” said Sheroy.

“Tell me” I said knowing he was going to launch into a bit of his Indian philosophy.

“To live your life at this very moment. Forget about what has been, and what might be, and just live in the present. Appreciate what is in front of you” he said looking at me intently.

I had to admit he had a point as I looked out towards the Chao Praya.

“May the force be with you, my man.”

“What force?”

“The force of positive influences. Surround yourself with positive influences because it is those things that will sustain and uplift you. Remove negative influences because those things will only drain your personal power; your very
life source” he continued on.

Ann wrapped her arm around me and looked into my eyes.

“What are you thinking, Mike?”

I looked at her and smiled.

“What am I thinking, Ann? Right now I can't think of a better place I'd want to be” I said as I looked out over towards the Chao Praya again.

There was a river barge moving further into the distance of the enveloping darkness. My checkered relationship with Ning had the same feel to it now; it was a dimming glow sputtering towards a cold dark finale. She'd wormed her way back
into my life again a couple of days after I'd arrived back in town. Emotional strength gave way to the need for physical coupling. The first few days were enjoyable but that spark that we'd once had just wasn't there anymore. In
the end it was just the same old thing that it always ended up being; sex for money. Still, I'd managed to finally go and have a look at the condo I'd bought for her. She had a small party happening in the early evening and I'd
been given an invite. She had an ex bar girl mate, her younger sister, her niece and a beau, of her mate, there as I sat down and poured a healthy slug of Black Label into an ice filled tumbler.

The beau took a swig of his Black and soda and looked across at the closed bathroom door.

“Tell me, Mike, what's the key to living successfully here?”

“You mean regarding that lot in there?” I said nodding at the bathroom where the four of them were getting dolled up for the planned night out.

“Yes” he said with a slightly cynical smile.

“Always remember that nothing is ever as it appears” I said as a matter of fact.

I looked at the bathroom again and considered the current occupants:

Ning, my off again, on again girlfriend for the past five years. 32 years old, former go-go dancer and the ultimate gold digging black widow; she makes Joy out of Private Dancer look like a primary school girl. The current squeeze of a European,
mega bucks, sugar daddy and recipient of a six figure stipend, plus bonuses, each month. The poor fool thinks that butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. His previous Isarn princess, after 8 years, finally told him that she'd had a Thai
boyfriend, all the time, and was planning to marry him. His current one, Ning, has been getting it on with me, and a number of other gigs, ever since she'd met him.

Pom; younger sister of Ning and currently pole swinging down on Soi Cowboy. She got the call, from Ning, about six months ago to come down from the farm and earn some serious cash hawking the fork. She was shy to begin with but soon warmed
to the task at hand (and mouth etc) and now specializes in the Japanese market.

Nat; Ning and Pom's niece and daughter of the oldest sister (Noi) of this delightful family. As soon as she turned 18, Noi called her to Bangkok to earn her spurs down on Cowboy. Pom and Nat are both employed at a go-go bar well known
for its man eaters. As a side note Noi, who is probably the most voracious whore I've ever seen and even makes Ning look tame, is into her 4th sponsor and currently existing on a six figure stipend as well.

Nui, the beau's squeeze; an ex pole swinger from the same bar as Pom and Nat. She's got a sponsor in Hong Kong and a long time gig in Bangkok.

I don't have anything against the idea of a guy sponsoring a Thai whore but, if it's going to happen, then let there be some ground rules for the whore to adhere to. The monthly stipend is to ensure that the pussy you're paying
rent for isn't out collecting rent from other guys at the same time. In other words, let's see a bit of loyalty for your rental fee. Sadly, for most guys in this situation, that doesn't happen. It's the greed factor of course;
the whore just can't help herself and, as I've already said, enough is never enough. Thai whores aren't all the same but their M.O. is; money and as much of it as they can dig out of your pockets. Yes, it always is about the money.
There's only two rules to remember when dealing with gold digging bitches; one, it's always about the money and two, if you begin to have doubts, refer back to rule number one.

We'd all gone to the Bed Supper Club that night (a place that I don't have any real affection for) and it had ended up being the disaster it always was with Ning. She'd ordered a bottle of Jack and proceeded to get so plastered
she could barely stand up. I realized I was enjoying her company less and less and, after she'd got overly aggressive with a couple of other ladies, I told her I'd had enough and went home. Two hours later she turned up on my doorstep
stinking drunk and in tears because another whore had stolen her Iphone. She then resorted to her standard tactics, when trying to coerce me for cash or toys, and stripped off in the hope that she could seduce me into complying with her demands
for a new Iphone. I looked at her and all I could see was a drunk, sweat soaked, smelly whore. I just wasn't interested and told her as much. She then resorted to her standard use of emotional manipulation when things weren't going quite
as planned.

“Do you love me, teerak?”

After a few seconds of silence I looked at her and realized that this was it; did I want to continue being a victim, or not?

“To be honest with you, Ning, no, I don't love you. How could I possibly love someone who fucks another guy for money?”

There, it was done. The look on a whore's face is priceless when they know the game is up. The use of sex and emotional manipulation won't cut it anymore; there would be no more cash or toys forthcoming. She was nearly in tears
as she dressed quickly and stormed out of the room.

My thoughts drifted back to the present.

Generally speaking, people can't change people. Only the individual can do that. If someone is receptive to learning new things and has the motivation to improve oneself through their own individual efforts then that is to be respected,
and congratulated, as it leads to the betterment of that individual. Sadly, from my own experience, the majority of ladies working in the farang adult entertainment industry are neither capable, or willing, to do anything which involves any great
effort to earn income from activities other than providing sexual services to paying clientele. For this they have great enthusiasm as it's a job which involves very little use of the mental faculties. It's a world of smoke and mirrors,
or illusion, where lies, deception and street smarts are their means to a better future. If you become ensnared in their little world of greed, trickery and emotional manipulation, as I did, then you've only got yourself to blame; I allowed
myself to be a victim of the lies and deceit.

They, bar girls, are mercenaries; they will take advantage of whatever's put in front of them. Kindness is seen as weakness and generosity is something to be exploited. Know this: the mindset of someone who grows up crawling around on
a dirt floor, and fighting for a mouth full of food each day, is completely different to that of someone raised in an affluent society. Theirs isn't a world of fairness; it's a world of doing whatever it takes to get what they want.
They are emotionally much tougher than the average Farang.

Most relationships between a bar girl and Farang end up going down the gurgler and the reason is always the same; you can never give, or provide, enough because they (the prostitute) have no financial discipline – enough is never enough.
When you finally get dumped for an economic upgrade, as I did, you can breathe a huge sigh of relief; only ever consider how much you've saved by not having the prostitute leaching off you anymore.

The ex now lives a life that only the average Thai girl could dream about; a six figure stipend every month, a condo and a car to come. You would think it would be enough but, no, when the sugar daddy goes overseas for business trips, she's
trawling night clubs and discos looking for high-paying one-night stands. The idea that she's just using a guy to further her position on this planet never enters her head. All her friends (prostitutes) admire her and see her as a role model.
Bar girls aren't interested in your welfare, their agenda is themselves (and the bunch of parasites feeding off them in the villages up north).

An interesting survey would be to see what percentage of prostitutes, in a relationship with a farang, actually do something to help that farang create income. I would be surprised if it's even 5%. Prostitutes only take, they don't
create. Their entire lives revolve around themselves and the satisfaction of their little bullshit world of sex and money. A day in the life of a Thai prostitute is normally something like this; get up late, eat some spicy food (som tam)
with a couple of prostitute friends, go to the beauty parlor and then go and waste more money adding to the mountains of shoes, clothes, make-up, mobile phones and other toys, and useless paraphernalia, they have. When a guy gets beyond the need
to constantly have sex with a prostitute you can stand back and objectively say that they really are, pretty much, pitiful individuals whose sole interest is themselves. I suppose there will be a lot guys out there who take objection to what I've
written but, before doing a dummy spit, be honest with yourselves; aside from the sex, what are you in a relationship with a prostitute for? Do they work with you as a team to help create income or, as I've told you, do they just take? Every
guy I know who's resided in this country, for a decent length of time, and has got beyond the point of doing the thinking with his penis, NEVER enters into a relationship with a prostitute ever again. Why would you when, aside from what they've
got between their legs, there's just no advantage to you for doing so?

It's hardly surprising when one reads, or hears, about bar girls who, when given the opportunity to go overseas, dump their original sponsor and go for an economic upgrade. You see, that's what they do. A guy is just something to
be used on their way to getting what they want; it's all just a game to them. The problem is that there's usually never an end game to the game and that's why, eventually, most of them end up working back in a bar. Their greed usually
sees them screw it up for themselves. They're never satisfied with what they've got and it doesn't matter how much you give them, and the parasites feeding off them, it will never be enough.

Prostitutes are incapable of real love. When you're selling love, you sell a piece of your compassion until there's nothing left but a heart made of stone. It's just the way they become. When one sees it for what it is it tends
to make you more cynical but better that than fooling yourself that it all means something. When venturing out to the red light districts I'm no longer weak minded enough to believe that, while sitting in those bars, those girls, who fuss
all over me, actually like me. As many experienced old hands have said, it's all illusion / delusion. All of those older guys hanging out in the bars across this land of layered realities; keep fooling yourself into thinking that those prostitutes
actually care about you. Ask yourself this; if 80% of the ladies working in bars have a Thai boyfriend, why would they really care about you? The fact is they don't. All they care about is what they pry out of your wallet. But, each to their
own I guess; keep dreaming.

Still, when it comes to being involved in the 'industry', no one's really innocent, are they? The punters' play their part, in some way, in contributing to the hardening of the attitude of most prostitutes. Stick's
observation that involvement in the industry has a negative impact, on all, is fairly accurate. The last time I was down at Cowboy I was sitting at an outdoor table, at the bar opposite the Country Road, and saw something that gave me pause for
thought. Through the window I could see a pretty young Isarn girl in abject misery. She was bawling her eyes out and it definitely wasn't an act. A couple of older girls were consoling her but I knew what it was probably about; a punter had
probably made promises to her that he never kept. She was finding out, the hard way, what her job was all about. I finished my barbecued beef sticks and meandered off into the night. I haven't been back there since. I had some things to consider
about being a monger.

It's a thief in the night to come and grab you

It can creep up inside you and consume you

A disease of the mind it can control you

Ahh get back the monster

Your break lights

There in the city of wonder

And you complain nights

What chance you might just go under

Better think twice

Bet ya follow the odds there

So if you must pause or be wise

Your minds in disturbia

It's like the dark within light


And it's scarin' you tonight


May you use the white light


The barge that I'd been watching, as it made its way along the Chao Praya, came to a halt. The boat, that had been towing it, turned off its lights and sat there motionless in the enveloping night; cold and silent.

Goodbye Ning.


Absolutely wonderful. You've been there, done that, and got the t-shirt – and it shines through!

nana plaza