Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 268

  • Written by Dana
  • December 11th, 2010
  • 5 min read


Introduction

Greetings, sa wa dii khraps, and 'how-the-fxxx-are-yous' to all Dana fans and Stickmanbangkok aficionados this holiday season. The holiday season is a time to think universally and globally and in a loving way towards fellow mongers. With that in mind I offer up a twofer–two main courses instead of just one. Think of today's submission as an Eden Club literary event: two story girls instead of just one. Who loves you baby? Dana does. The first literary event is a Dana Enterprises gift announcement, and the second literary event is a bit of philosophic autobiography. Kool and then kool again. Double kool. Enjoy.

PINK STEPLADDERS

Dana here with a Christmas gift announcement available for the first time (2010) from Dana Enterprises (Boston–Bangkok). Remember, it is more blessed to give than to receive. Give the gift that keeps on giving and make another monger male happy. Note: not available to monger females, and not available to the French (FTF). And don't even get me started on monger lesbian French (FTF) females.

Anyway, at 5'3" tall I am a man of average height. So, like you; I sometimes have trouble talking to and mixing with (wink wink) trannies. Trannies, as you know, come in three heights: tall, taller, and 'holy fxxx she's tall'. Hence the holiday season 2010 Dana Enterprises (Boston–Bangkok) gift: a stepladder. That's right men-of-the-world: I am now manufacturing and selling specially designed tranny stepladders. I know that's a head-slapper but there it is. All aluminum construction, fold up feature, 25" tall (you'll need all of it), backpack straps, three steps, non-marking feet, non-skid treads, four hundred pound tested, and three shades of pink available. Note: I tried to get the famous Mothership lounge lizard 500 baht Walt to test these ladders but he demurred. No trannies for him.

Be a giver. Change the life of a monger. Give him a tranny stepladder from Dana Enterprises (Boston–Bangkok) and watch his love life open up like the rectum on a gay platypus (ok, maybe I've said too much). Anyway, place your tranny stepladder orders early. All stepladders are shipped in plain brown unmarked packages complete with instruction booklet, warranty, certificate of authenticity, safety hints, and a photo of me and Pattaya Emma.

Jesus Christ sacrificed his life for all of mankind and I am sacrificing some of my Christmas season time to mail out stepladders to tranny loving mongers of the average height kind. Me and Christ: hey, it's almost like we are twins. Anyway, it's all about the love. Ever been to the 2nd floor of the N.E.P. across from the Mothership in Bangkok? Holy fxxxwad Batman, some of those trannies are tall. Anyway, multiple stepladder discount pricing available as well as personal name monogramming. Be all you can be. Be just like me: headed out with a pink stepladder on my back, a Viagra stick in my pants, and joy in my heart. Holy flyin' squirrel shit some of them are tall But now? No ploblum dude.

Allow 2-3 weeks for shipping. No returns.

Sincerely yours,
Dana

P.S. Are there any other special features connected with the pink backpack tranny stepladder? Yes there are. If you have one of these puppies on your back it will mark you and brand you. Trannies will spot you and pursue you. After a while you'll have to hold your private parts together with duct tape. And fellow tranny mongers will also spot you. You will make many new friends of the international class and sophistication kind.

But that is not really what I want to talk about today. What I really want to talk about todays is:

WHY I ENJOY VACATIONING IN THAILAND

Recently, I was reading (or trying to read) a story in the New Yorker magazine called No Secrets (June 7, 2010).

The author's name was Khatchadourian. In the story there is a volcano called Eyjafjallajokull (no, I am not making that up). There is talk of WikiLeaks, an international organization at the time of reading that I had never heard of and I leave the house every day. A politician's is named Danial arap Moi. Why is the middle name spelled that way? A person appears named Rop Gonggrijp. Mr. Sang appears. Dandenong Ranges National Park appears on stage and Buddhism pops up. The surname Solzhenitsyn appears to remind you why you will never take a novel class in Russian literature with impossible to pronounce or spell Russian names. Al Jazeera (the organization, not a guy name Al) competes for my attention.

The final straw on the camel's back that buckles his knees also releases him from struggle and performance guilt. Finally he can rest. It was all so silly to try and carry that much straw. We all have limits. Like the camel, this article in the New Yorker magazine reminds me with finality that globalism and the future has left me behind. Finally I can take a breath. The unequal struggle with the future and with the present is over. Finally free, free to be me.

I think this is why I enjoy vacationing in Pattaya, Thailand. My world is 90% from Soi 10 to Soi 16, I no longer even try to speak Thai, and the girls I meet seem to all have one syllable names (Ling, Ping, Ding, Dang, Bang, Sang, Wan, Fon, Lon, Benz, Fa, etc.). Not a volcano or a Thai lady named Eyjafjallajokull in sight. Nobody tries to speak to me in a global way, I'm not required to struggle with spellings and names and ideas beyond my comfort level, and no one arrives to arrest me because I am not trying, trying, trying. Trying to improve myself, trying to fit in, trying to understand, trying to smile, trying to speak a foreign language, trying to be twenty-five years old when I am really sixty years old. Thailand for me is like a hyperbaric oxygen chamber for overextended divers. Overextended humans. Nobody knows my name nobody cares about me. Ok, right back at you. I'm here to recover from all the pointless social global deep diving that postures as modernity and the craved-for future.

It's morning and I can see the parasails in the pale blue sky from my hotel window. There is a slight breeze in the tops of the palm trees on the boardwalk. Soon I'll be sitting in the sun on the boardwalk, talking to the girls, and smiling It's enough.


Stickman's thoughts:

More magic from Dana!