Readers' Submissions

It All Starts When They Are Young

  • Written by BrianKS
  • December 30th, 2010
  • 4 min read


I have been in Thailand for over 3 years now and think I have figured out why the Thai way of raising their children is so screwed up. Sawadee’s recent submission touched on it and a letter in the Bangkok Post was much more on target with my observations. It took me a while to put all the observations together to form an opinion. The letter in the Bangkok Post was by a farang teacher who teaches classes of all boys and all girls in some lower grades plus some experiences of a business owner friend of his.

It boils down to the way the males and females are raised. The females are conditioned to be compliant and serving to everyone around them. They must always be nice to others. They have restrictions placed on them by their mothers that guide them into adulthood (unfortunately sex education is not discussed). No respectable Thai family would raise their daughter any other way. Ah, but for the males a completely different standard exists. Boys are NOT disciplined and can do anything they want whenever they want. I have observed this in several of the families I have visited or been close to. Scream and yell at anything and anyone and not a sound is heard telling them they are out of line and an embarrassment or disturbance to others. The author of the letter to the Bangkok Post pointed out that the girls in his classroom always seemed to be able to figure out how to get things done and not create a big fuss about it. The boys, however, were more interested in poking each other with pencils or just generally doing what they pleased and to hell with what ever was supposed to do in class or for homework.

Everything I read, see and experience seems to verify that this difference in male and female behavior continues throughout their lives. There is just never any accountability for a male in Thai society. After growing up with no restrictions, how do you think the males would react when they go into adulthood? Knocking up girls and leaving the results for the girl to take care of, getting into vocational school fights, not going to university because they might have to study and work, in other words taking the past of least resistance throughout life.

The letter writer also pointed out the observations of a business owner when he started up his new business. After being in business for a year it was barely making it and was struggling with personnel issues, absenteeism, late to work, shoddy work, demanding raises, etc. He finally figured out that the problems were almost exclusively with his male workers. When he realized this, he did everything he could to hire only female workers for any position that they could work in. His company will not hire a male for any position if they can find a female for it. Miraculously the business is now prospering.

My farang (male) / Thai (female) neighbor have a very young son. Previous to their moving in the father told us the son could be a pain at times and might be a bit noisy. His wife had complained to my wife that she thought her husband was too strict with their son and this was damaging his feeling of self worth and he was not able to enjoy himself. They have now lived next door for several months and I have only observed the child being very respectful and if he gets out of line (very rarely), the father quickly and firmly admonishes him (yes, and in front of company too). The kid gets the messages very quickly and shapes up instantly. He is a very nice boy indeed. Compare that behavior to a former neighbor kid (who is also a good friend of our neighbor next door) who is the same age and a screaming and undisciplined wild man. Screaming and throwing a fit in a houseful of adults or just generally doing whatever he wants whenever he wants with no consequences for his actions.

The Thai males carry these wonderful traits into adulthood and you can witness the results when reading about the actions of the politicians, military and any other government agency. They now believe they can do anything they want whenever they want to and make up some BS story in an attempt to CYA.

The letter writer to the Post expressed his desire to looking forward to the time that women would come to control the government in the hopes that it would be run much more efficiently and fairly. With the males in charge with all the power and the women taught to just take it all and not complain, I don’t see that happening any time soon.

With my understanding outlined above I feel much better able to understand the dysfunction of the country. I do not like it but at least I think I understand it.


Stickman's thoughts:

Yep, there is much in this. The American owner of a well-known, successful bar and restaurant once said to me that he will only ever hire females to work in the kitchen. He just had too many problems with Thai males and now only hires females!