What Thais Think Of Us

NB: all anecdotes in this text are genuine, I simply created a fictive Mr Somchai and filled one of his fictive day with them

My name Somchai, I m THAI MAN, I no work my girlfriend me she work bar go with stoopid farang.
One farang him like her too mut, he give her big money say him want take care her (him stoopid)
I think all farang should go home NOW,
my friend say if no farang my girlfriend me make no money (him stoopid, him tink too mut same farang!)

Today morning 6am i go temple because my friend me go temple same same and win lottery, so me my friends we all go! Chok dee mak mak!

My girlfriend me she no go, she say she tired come back from bar 4am (she stoopid same same buffalo and skin very dark but have big milk so farang like her too mut, they stoopid!), she give me money for tamboon 500 baht for she…i tamboon
20 baht and keep the money, Buddha no need money need flower and gold leaf…i need money for buy lottery ticket and THAI wiskhy

Before go temple i go give food for monk, one farang him want do same, seller make him pay 50 baht, me pay 20 baht, som nam na farang…why you want do same THAI PEOPLE? Him speak Thai little bit and ask for vegetarian food for monk…seller
say no have, give him fish. Him give to monk, monk look him, no sing a song for him for good luck, and ask him for tip…he say no, no tip BAD BAD FARANG! Why him no pay money for monk?

Me my freind we take tuk tuk to go Temple, 8 people, sanook mak mak! Pay 40 baht, we see some farang go same temple, tuk tuk make them pay 200 baht, GOOD (they stoopid!) My friend he say HELLO KEE NOK to farang…they smile say sawasdee kap….THEY
SO STOOPID!!!!

At Temple same farang want go in but monks say have to pay money 20 baht for one farang, farang say he not go take photo, go for "meditation" and make merit…monks make them pay (GOOD MONK!)

After they pay monk tell them can not go inside temple because have open shoes, make them pay 50 baht rent closed shoes (old dirty shoe, look no good, vely funny on farang lady! sanook mak mak, me like ME LIKE TOO MUT) and after 2mn make
them remove shoe to go inside temple, but tell them not put shoe with shoe THAI PEOPLE, make them put their shoes under shoes of THAI PEOPLE (what they tink? They are farang, not real THAI PEOPLE)

Inside farang man ask questions to monk, him ting tong want to know something him no understand…monk no want explain because farang too stupid to understand, all farang ting tong (me tink monk this temple VELY GOOD!), after farang ask if
have something written in english, monk show him box written DONATION BOX….me think VELY VELY FUNNY….farang not give money BAD BAD FARANG (i tink he should go home NOW if he no want give money to THAI PEOPLE)

Me take many photo, ME with BUDDHA THAI, ME in Temple, ME with monk, ME buying lottery ticket
ME ME ME ME ME

VELY GOOD!!!!

In Temple have BIG BUDDHA, BIG MUSIC, BIG NEON, BIG GOLD

I LIKE I LIKE TOO MUT!!!!

I give candle and flower for Thai Buddha, put gold very hight on his head for good luck

Go out, buy many lottery tickets and free some birds (one bird is dead…him stoopid bird!)

My friend me tell me this temple have one phra farang, i want see….

We go, him look no good no same Thai, me no understand how he can be monk…he not THAI PEOPLE he just farang (and stoopid) so not same THAI PEOPLE and BUDDHA THAI….

I go home, eat, sleep, then my friend want go shopping mall, my girlfriend me she want go to…no good..i tell her can not because i no want..She stay home…GOOD

Emporium have big party with animals, BIG LIGHT, BIG MUSIC, BIG PLASTIC, BIG WATER BIG EVERYTHING
ME LIKE! ME LIKE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUT!

Have many fiss and flog and tutles…all very big in small tank, all free to look look….even farang no pay (why? me think farang have to pay money ALLWAY! farang no pay, NO GOOD!)

Farang want read sign but all sign in Thai (him stoopid), me i no like read, i like BANG BANG on tanks, make stoopid fiss scared (i m scared me because i m THAI MAN, very strong toooo mut!), then i take photo ME with fiss, ME with flog, ME
with tuttle, ME with hostess, ME in shopping mall
ME ME ME ME ME

I LIKE, I LIKE TOO MUT!

Have one place can touch fiss, i do, take one out water him move me no can look….me ANGRY no can look, me want look, me squeeze him, him no move him die (teach him to be stoopid fiss and not do what THAI MAN want….what THAI MAN want him
ALLWAY can have!!!) one farang see me squeeze fiss, him tell me no good….FARANG BAAAAH
Me my friends me we call him bad names, him can speak Thai so we speak Issan….him no understand Issan HIM STOOPID, me punch him little and go…
SANOOK MAK MAK

6PM have music MY KING, make me so proud i m THAI PEOPLE, and one BAD FARANG (no have good farang anyway!) he not stop what him do!!!

Me my friend we tell him YOU YOU but him no understand, so we throw water at him, he get angry (stoopid farang na?) so when music finish we beat him…THAI PEOPLE FIGHT WITH THAI PEOPLE, him only one we 10…we very strong we are THAI MAN
can never loose!!!!We break him nose and kick him little then we run (run VERY FAST we are THAI MAN so very big power!!!)

Go home, want fuck my girlfriend, she say no pussy hurt because farang last night take viagra and fuck too mut…
I m ANGRY, i m THAI MAN i can do all i want…i m hit her little bit and she say ok can do….she stoopid!
Fuck her,
she no good, hit her again then she go work (she stoopid!)

Tonight i have money, so i go drink lao khao at karaoke with my friend me, have one lady look very nice very young, she no ask for condom, GOOD ME LIKE

I think my girlfriend me she no good, she go with farang she stoopid…she 25 she old too mut, soon i tink i get new girlfriend

VERY GOOD me tink tommorow go temple make merit with BUDDHA THAI one more, CHOK DEE MAK MAK
ME LIKE!!!!!