Readers' Submissions

Nok Nok Noking On Heaven’s Door

  • Written by Anonymous
  • November 13th, 2010
  • 10 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

Some names have been changed or omitted to protect the guilty :-)

15th January 2010. It's time to leave cold (-10 C) Germany again, to celebrate my birthday in Krung Thep. I have a flight with KLM which only costs 510 Euro (return fare) and leaves me with a larger amount of cash per day in the LOS for amusement (debauchery). The only disadvantage is that I must spend four hours in Schiphol (Amsterdam) during my outboard flight and twelve hours on my inboard flight. Amsterdam may be reached in 20 minutes from Schiphol and I think that I could maybe visit a 'Coffee Shop' during my stay on the way back.

On the flight from FRA to AMS I have luck. My row companions in the Folker F70 are a very pleasant German couple who are flying over Schiphol for the first time, are pleased that I am able to reassure them that four hours in Schiphol is enough time for their connecting flight to South Africa, and they also have a small bottle of duty-free vodka which they wish to kill before their next flight. The small bottle of vodka is duly mixed with our KLM orange juice during the flight which allows us to arrive in Schipol as quite happy passengers. In Schiphol I happen to know where the first bar in the transit area is, in which one may smoke as one consumes a Heineken (chemical) beer.

If one does not know one's way around Schiphol one may walk miles to find a smoking area!

Three hours later and duly prepared for our further flights we say our goodbyes in Schiphol, exchange addresses and discover that we live only 6 km apart in Germany. My flight with KLM was an uneventful (boring) 12 hour night flight (at least there was only one of the delightful KLM meals presented during the flight) and the old B747 with minus 5cm between my knees and the seat in front, arrived punctually about midday.

Upon arrival in Swampysump, the Immigration procedure was quick. I stood in a row without Indians or Arabs in front, as I stood on the line, looked into the camera and with a bow (no, not a wai) said "sawatdekrahb". The officer almost broke his head against his desk as he returned my greeting with a full wai.

I took a taxi from the desk outside, asked for Sukhumvit, Klong Toey, Sukhumvit, Soi ji sib song, and arrived at my guesthouse about 14:00. Stick knows where my guesthouse is, but not named here in order to protect the guilty.
The photo competition from Stick 17-01-2010 shows a bar in Suk, Soi 22 which is run by the same couple as my guesthouse, J. & S.

Upon arrival I was informed by J. that Nok was already waiting for me in the bar and becoming nervous because I was not yet there. Of course I had to shower, change clothes and have a haircut (I only fly to Bangkok because the a haircut is cheaper than in Germany) before meeting Nok, my GFE since several years. The other ladies already speak from my mia noi.

Although I had not had any sleep for 36 hours we decided to go down to Country Road in Soi Cowboy. Upon entering, the lady who was singing, recognised us and immediately announced a couple of special requests (a couple of my favorite songs – Hotel California, Born to be Wild). Later we had a look into 'Rawhide' but left before the Pussy gymnastics (darts etc.) started.

Back at the guesthouse we drank a couple of beers with J., talking about old times. It was a delightful first evening back in LOS.

The only problem came later. Nok had drunk a couple of beers too many and fell onto a ceramic vase which belonged to a couple which J. and S. had acquired during a trip to a southern province. The next morning I arranged a taxi to the island Ko Kret where I knew that we would find a replacement by the displaced Burmese folk who live there. As we returned with the replacement, J. And S. were delighted. I warned Nok that she would have to work hard to pay for the replacement.

The next evening we went to Suk Soi 7/1 'Bangkok Beat'. The same procedure as in 'Country Road'. "Tonight we have a special guest again. Mr. Eric Clapton with his wife" (I do look a bit similar), with my favorite special requests of course.

Later we went to 'Angelwitch' in Nana mainly just to see the young lady playing the violin. Nok finds this performance erotic and asthetish but she had to go to the hong nam. On the way back, between the bar and the main seating area is a deep step from about 20 cm on the right. Nok didn't see it. The result was one table was cleared of drinks, a lot of glass on the floor, many staff with mops cleaning the area before the angels with no shoes trod into it. B1500 for the destroyed drinks, a tip for the namasan and everything was OK. I also spent some time picking glass splitters out of Nok's lovely brown skin. Dave, you could at least put a florescent warning stripe down there. That step is 20 cm. I do not wish to know how many ladies and gentlemen have had a pleasant evening curtailed through that step. Unfortunately we had to leave before the lady with the violin performed. Next time in Angelwitch I'm staying until she appears without regard for glass splinters in the hands from my lady (if Dave still has the violin playing lady on the payroll).

At the end from Cowboy, the taxis wanted 300 baht to drive to Soi ji sib song. I just told them that I did want to buy the taxi and stopped a taxi driving by. He used the meter and we gave him 100 baht tip just because he was honest.

xxth-January-2010, a dangerous day

I went with Nok to Country Road on Soi Cowboy. We had arranged to meet the sister from S. (co-owner of my guesthouse) later there. At about 10:00 we received a call from M. (sister from S.) to say she was picking us up and that we had to go back to the bar because they had arranged a birthday celebration for me.

There were a number of presents for me. A beautiful flower arrangement from Nok, from M. shirts and underwear from Robinson's, a birthday cake, and my Nok had arranged that two other ladies who also used the name Nok to accompany us back to the hong later (which I did not know about until later). This lady has a habit of getting me into "trouble" on my birthday (S. "The perfect Birthday" from Readers submissions 19). This birthday was no exception. The night was spent Nok Nok Noking on heaven's door(s).

I speak German as a second language and Thai 'Nok' is in English 'bird'. In German 'birds' are Vogeln' (plural) which is very similar to the colloquial German word 'voegeln' which is in Thai 'Boom Boom' so that I did not only have a very amusing birthday but a little amusement with the title from Dylan and Guns 'n Roses (Knocking on heavens door). Just a little word play over three languages and hence the title for this subscription.

Mamasan take these girls off me
They can't use me anymore
I'm getting too weak to see
I've been Nok Nok Noking on heavens door(s).

With apologies to the great Bob Dylan and Guns 'n Roses

My first (and last) joint I also had another interesting (but dangerous) experience. I have never had anything to do with things considered as drugs in my life except cigarettes and alcohol. I smoked the first 'joint' in my life, not knowing in advance that it was not a 'normal' cigarette. I cannot understand that this substance is on the list of dangerous drugs which are banned and subject to prosecution in so many countries. The only effect I noticed was that it made one a little relaxed and subdued any aggressive feelings. I have no craving for that substance now (but tobacco, yes).

I suspect that the reason for the suppression from this substance is that the taxman doesn't earn anything on the sale of this product. Another effect was that my Nok was very happy that night because through my relaxed condition I was able to 'service' her for several hours, and she 'came' several times. Yes, I do know the difference between when a Thai lady starts to make noises and that which the French call 'la petite mord', uncontrolled contractions of certain muscles, certain reaction of various secondary erogenous areas etc.

Nok did ask me on the next morning if I had smoked one of X's cigarettes, and please do not do it too often because she was afraid that she would not survive too many nights like that. I do not intend to try this substance again because of the large risk of trouble with the BIB in LOS. It was a one time experience which was not executed with intention!

One week later in Si Racha, Nok 1 has her own car and loves to visit Pattaya. On the way we stayed overnight in Si Racha, which is much underrated as an industrial town on the eastern seaboard. We stayed in in the Si Racha Lodge which I can only recommend, for 20 Euro a night including breakfast. We had the same room as last year in June with a beautiful sea panorama, clean and it was comfortable and quiet. We went to eat at a restaurant on the seafront, the meal was excellent, the live music also (nice mix of Thai and Western). Later we looked into a bar (about 300m south-east and then turn left on the dual carriageway, proceed on the right hand side and about 200m later it is there).

I warned Nok in advance that it was my turn to drink a little too much this evening. Her job was to take care of me. The drink menu came and because of my full stomach I only wanted a Vodka.

There were no small glasses available, just bottles. My Nok just wanted a beer but there were no bottles of 'San Mig Light' – only a pitcher from 2 liters. I was brave and only drank 3/4 of my bottle, Nok survived her pitcher and also managed to arrange a tuktuk into which I was helped (supported :-) back to the Si Racha lodge. This was my revenge for her earlier 'mishaps' in BKK.

Pattaya

In Pattaya we booked into the AA Hotel (No, not the favourite hotel from Dana). There is a second branch from the hotel, just down the Soi next to the "AA "on Beach Road. They have a car park in the basement.

A good breakfast buffet (costs extra, but cheap), and quiet rooms (you don't hear the bed head from the next room knocking against the wall of your room the whole night). It seems to be a location for elderly gentlemen like me.

In Pattaya we have a favourite music bar "The Rolling Stone"
1 which is about half way down on the left as one enters "Walking Street" from "Beach Road". Later we visited the "Tahitian Queen" on Beach Road I can recommend it for several reasons.)
2 1 No pressure for "Lady drinks".
3 2 The girls have a good "attitude"
4 3 Good music
5 4 Some of the girls have no objection to mild bisexual activities (threesome, which my Nok also enjoys)

It was the first time in Thailand where I did not visit either the 'Eden Club' or 'Devils Den'. My Nok made sure that I was in no condition to do so. Only on my last night I was alone (I had to fly very early in the morning) I managed to visit "Annie's".

On the lovely flight with KLM back home, I actually managed to sleep a little.

Stickman's thoughts:

It sounds like you had a marvellous time!