Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 262

  • Written by Dana
  • October 30th, 2010
  • 4 min read


Greetings: Paper fans, Bamboo fans, Electric fans, Stickman fans, and Dana fans.

Today you get two for the price of one, and naturally the Stickmeister sends me two checks instead of one. Enjoy.

MUSINGS

Sometimes I get emails like this:

"Sa wa dee khrap kuhn Dana man. You are one hip hop happen' literary dude and I am totally down with your writing mojo. You put the personal shake in your own brand of Shakespeare, but I sometimes wonder if you might be aiming too low with your talent. Maybe you should aim a little higher regarding class of woman and subsequent writing content.

Your friend, fan, and student:
Stevarino Rossaslotsky"

Ok, I am nothing if not open to new ideas. Let's try this idea. To wit:

Here is a quote from Stephanie Pace Marshall (Science News, 1-2-10, p. 36).

"Our students live and learn in a digital world of global networks, intelligent machines, immersive technologies, and multiuser virtual environments. In this world learning is experiential, purposeful, self-directed and on-demand. Expertise is multigenerational; problem-solving is collaborative; knowledge is coconstructed; boundaries are often blurred; and learning social relationships and play converge."

Wow, is this what you mean Stevarino Rossaslotsky by aiming higher? I wonder what kind of fee I would have to pay to date this alpha female? But wait, there is more. Here is some information on Stephanie.

"Stephanie Pace Marshall is founding President and President Emerita, Illinois Mathematics and Science Academy and the founding President of the National Consortium for Specialized Secondary Schools of Mathematics, Science and Technology. She also serves on the Society for Science & the Public's Board of Trustees." — (Science News, 1-2-10)

Wow, and I really mean that. Wow. I'll bet she can fix a live toaster with a fork and not get shocked. And the beauty of aiming a little higher is that when I am on a date with a woman like this she could correct everything I said and never be wrong. Wow. And I really mean that.

Now, Mr. Stevarino Rossaslotsky; let us consider another kind of woman.

Here is a quote from a South Pattaya woman named Ling:

"I like puppies. You want go Boom-Boom?"

But wait, there is more. Here is some information on Ling from the latest edition of the Boardwalk Cruisers Newsletter (1/2010).

"Ling has no education, accomplishments, hobbies, interests, natural curiosity, ideas, enthusiasms, or honorariums. She is a humping, scratching, panting machine in bed, a giggling companion in the shower, and scorching hot to look at."

Well, Stevarino Rossaslotsky; in the spirit of open inquiry and personal advancement I have considered your email advice about aiming higher in life for reasons of character, best use of talent, and writing content. Results?

I have decided to marry Ling. Your invitation is in the mail.

Sincerely yours,
Dana

P.S. — But that is not really what I want to talk about today. What I really want to talk about today is:


EAGLE FEATHERS TO HER ASS

Ring . . . Ring . . . Ring . . . Ring . . . Ring.

Me: Hello?

Toby: Hey, Danaman; what's happenin' dude?

Me: Well, I was just sittin' here thinking that mass is a variable universe constant without measure, whereas weight is a derivative of local planetary gravity; but the most relevant thing to my own ex-pat life here in the Kingdom is that the Essan wonders are starting to run to fat. Some of them you'd have to roll in dough and look for the wet spot to locate the love tunnel. Not exactly a part of Einstein's theory of the elastic influences of gravity, but still enough to consider.

Toby: Ok, Danster–that's kool bro but I was more wonderin' if you had any new info for mongers.

Me: Yes Toby I do. There is a new monger bar and pleasure emporium east of 3rd Road called the Lake Gitche Gumee Bar and the star attraction is a dancer named Minnehaha. She's totally nude except for Go-Go boots and an Indian headress that has eagle feathers cascading down her back to her ass.

Toby: Kool dude–tell me more.

Me: Well, from about 2:00 a.m. to 5:00 a.m. bar patrons can enter the Ding Dong Dildo raffle.

Toby: And?

Me: Well, whoever wins the raffle gets to get up on stage, strap on a dildo, and do her.

Toby: Holy Jesus Christ–where is the exact location of this place?

Me: The best thing to do is to get in touch with Chiang Mai Kelly–he'll help you with geography, door passwords, weapons advice, and a source for #54 condoms. It's a big dildo.

Toby: Big dildo? Minnehaha isn't huge and fat is she?

Me: No man–4'8" tall and eighty-two pounds but she knows how to relax and smile if you get my meaning. A waist you can put your watch strap around, a stomach you can bounce ten baht coins off of, and a body you can beat with sticks. Just like the old days.

Toby: Thanks Dana.

Stickman's thoughts:

I receive a huge amount of email, some a little weird. I imagine some of the emails you receive and some of the correspondents you engage with must include some fairly colourful words.