Old Men, Young Women, Marriage
This is a follow on piece to “Survival of the Fittest”, where I talked about old men (like me) seeking the companionship of young women. I will reiterate that this is the biological norm; not some aberrant, or deviate, drive of a pervert. Of course I am talking of older men with biologically mature adult women, not children. I say biologically mature not to get into the age of consent versus when do they grow tits argument, but rather because I believe that most women, everywhere, never mature emotionally or intellectually much beyond about the typical 12 year old (and in regards to some aspects never beyond the two year old). I still love them; but I love them knowing what and who they are, instead of the fantasy put out by the western Femi Nazis. The inmates are running the asylum in the US. I don’t know about the rest of the west, but I have suspicions that it is headed the same way.
The prior piece was primarily about the approbation heaped on older men walking the streets with their much younger “dates”, and what is natural and unnatural. In this piece I will talk about marriage (which is inherently unnatural in any and all cases) between the older guy and the younger woman. I have some experience with this. When it comes to marriage I am a repeat offender. My first wife was totally age appropriate, being about 3 years younger than me. We were both in our twenties. My second wife was about 10 years younger than me. And my third wife (in my 40’s) was about 2 years younger than me. My current wife is 20+ years younger than me.
Let me note that my second wife was many years younger than me, and had a much greater life expectancy. She should have out lived me by many years. However, she died at age 33, after a long and devastating illness; leaving me to raise our children on my own. Tomorrow is given to no man (or woman). Expectations are not outcomes.
My current wife started out less than half my age, is now half my age, and later this year will become more than half my age. If things continue at this rate, and if we live long enough, she will eventually catch up. If you disagree with this, think of the following:
• A 38 year old guy married to an 18 year old is thought of as disgusting and a pervert.
• A 48 year old man married to a 28 year old woman is considered to be using poor judgment.
• A 58 year old guy married to a 38 year old woman is not judged one way or the other, and
• A 68 year old man married to a 48 year old woman is judged to be lucky and sweet. (Think of the movie, “Murphy’s Romance”.)
In all those cases the age difference is the same. The difference is that as you grow older the perceived “difference” shrinks. I am looking forward to those times; when the bitter middle aged women in the street will get off my back.
One comment I hear constantly is, “What could the older man and younger woman have in common?” I would counter that with, “What do any man and woman really have in common?” If we should marry based on maximizing our common interests and experiences then we should all be homosexuals. Very few of the long term married couples I know share many / any common interests. My second wife was my soul mate, yet we had few interests in common. Books she read were of no interest to me, and vice versa. We agreed on few of the same TV shows or movies. Few of the activities I liked were of interest to her. But you compromise. You do some things you would rather not, and so does she. But in the end, sharing common interests and activities is why you have friends, not why you marry.
Having entered into marriage with an adorable young Filipina, I find myself meeting many other men that are in the same situation. Birds of a feather flock together. And I have witnessed some failures. In most cases of Filipina / American marriages the man is considerably older, yet the divorce rate for American men with Filipina wives is half the US average. Filipinas are biased completely against divorce, and will do almost anything to keep a marriage together. If my wife’s promise, and the many cases read about in the paper, is any indication, a Filipina wife doesn’t divorce you for infidelity; instead she cuts off your penis. This should give you some more food for thought when contemplating marrying one. Where the Filipinas wives have left their husbands it was typically for one of two reasons; one of which I found surprising. The first was the husband not wanting kids (more if he already had some with one or more prior wife) and the second was the shocker, the husband not wanting sex.
I will discuss the second issue first. There have been several cases in my small circle of contacts where this has happened. The husbands never speak of this, and the wives only tell other women about this. So I learn of it only from my wife. I did not delve deeply into these cases of the wives’ dissatisfaction with their sex lives, as I did not want to seem to have had a prurient interest. However, it was either the husband not wanting sex at all, or just not wanting it nearly as often as the young wife wanted. The wife says the husband is a good partner in almost all respects, and they love him, but they have to have sex; and they aren’t going to cheat. Two of my reasons for deciding to look for a Filipina wife were that Filipinas like sex and they are faithful (for the most part, there are many exceptions to the rule). So you better be prepared to provide sex, and be faithful too. You have to take both sides of the coin. So, like the Viagra commercial says, be sure to talk with your doctor to ensure that you are healthy enough to engage in sexual activity before you go here.
Now, many of you are saying, “Throw me in that briar patch”. You think that because you visit some young woman several times in her home country, and have sex two, or even three, times a day; bingo, you will not have this problem. The visit is fantasy land. You are on vacation. You don’t have to get up early and go to work. You are fully rested. You may have spent the evening with many sexy dancers shoving their bare body parts in your face and rubbing up against you. And, you have gone a while since you had a regular sexual outlet. Now let us move to reality. You have a stressful job. You are tired when you get home. (After forty it is not that you enjoy sex less; it is just that you come to appreciate a really good night’s sleep.) You are already getting sex any time you feel like it, and it can always wait until tomorrow night. Add in that you have slept with this woman every night for a long time. (My god, maybe for years!) No matter how beautiful she is, the excitement does fade with familiarity. Let’s be honest, you got married to her because you wanted sex on demand. You have to realize that marriage is a two way street. In agreeing that you get sex on demand you are also agreeing to provide sex on demand. And that includes (unfortunately) romance on demand. You should think twice (or 3, or 4, or 5 times) about this before you enter into this commitment.
I referred to romance on demand above. This is another area for compromise (or capitulation). If you marry a much younger woman, then be prepared to do (some) things that young women like to do. You will still have to romance her even after you are married (or maybe even more so). You will have to go out dancing in places that play hip hop music, or some other stuff that is not really music (no real music has been written since Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon album.) You will take her out to restaurants that serve sushi (which is not bad if first rolled in cornmeal and deep fried). You will be attending all the girlie showers and parties common to groups of young women.
You will have to let her pick out your clothes for all these outings. If your wardrobe is not to her liking (and it won’t be), then you will be getting a new wardrobe; which you may not be completely comfortable wearing. While we are on the subject of her redefining your wardrobe, expect that there will be major alterations in the décor of your house. Be prepared that it is now her house, and you just share it with her. This is true for any woman, young or old; Asian, American, African, or European; yellow, white, black, brown, or green.
A common thread which came up in a lot of the cases where the husband had lost interest in having sex with their wives (and the wives were still hot as far as I could see) was video games. Video games are highly addictive. There was a movie, “Prime”, where Uma Thurman plays a woman in her mid to upper 30s who is involved with a man in his early 20s. She is Christmas shopping with a female friend, and considering buying her boy toy a game system. Her friend asks her, “Do you like sex?”
Her reply was, “Of course I do.”
The friend then told her, “If you want to have sex ever again, don’t buy it.”
In a later scene it shows the guy sitting on the floor in front of the TV with the game controller in his hand, completely focused on the game. Behind him is Uma Thurman, in just a tee shirt and looking smoking hot, asking him, “Are you coming to bed?”
He tells her, “As soon as I finish this level.”
This stuff happens in real life. Don’t be that guy. If you love your World of Warcraft, then stick to it, and leave the young hotties to the rest of us.
Let’s move on to the first reason the Filipinas in my group have left their husbands; the guy not wanting to have kids with his new young wife. One prompt for this submission came from a submission by Korski where he was talking with an upper twenties married Asian woman on a plane, and she had given her (much older) husband an ultimatum; kids or divorce. Korski landed completely on the husband's side, as the husband “had been there, done that, and didn’t want to do it again”. Here is a real issue, and one that any man in his (upper) middle age should think about long and hard before he decides to take on a much younger wife. You have had and raised children. You are done with that. You aren’t willing to do it again. Then don’t marry a woman who has neither been there nor done that!!!!! (Don’t make me use upper case.)
If you have already done the children thing, why did you have them? It was because you had a strong biological drive to pass on your genes. Why do you think her desire to have children now is any less valid than yours was then? Would you wish to go back in time and undo having your children? No. Then why are you condemning her to not meeting one of her basic biological life goals? She is not a pet you are buying. She is a person, with a life, needs, goals, and aspirations. Marriage is the joining of two lives, not the subsuming of her life into yours. Don’t marry a young woman if you are not willing to participate in helping her meet her life goals. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.
If you older men do not talk about having, or not having, kids prior to marriage, than you truly are old fools. If you talked about not having kids with your potential bride, prior to marriage, and the woman agreed, than you have some excuse for refusing later. However, remember, women are not bound by prior agreements. We have all been at the “but that was then, and this is now” point in an argument with women. Things were different “then”. Then they wanted something, so they agreed to provide a concession to you; later. Once they have gotten what they wanted they are no longer bound to provide the concession “later”, since conditions have changed (i.e. they aren’t looking for something from you at the moment). No agreement with a woman is enforceable; accept this fact, take it into account when making your plans, and move on with your life.
Now a few general cautions to those older guys contemplating marrying a young Asian woman. These may, or may not, have anything to do with the size of the age difference. The findings here are based on my personal experience with a Filipina. Your mileage may vary. When you age, you tend to get set in your ways. These ways are hard to change when you start to live with a woman that wants to have things her way (and they all do). The submissive Asian woman is a myth; they just go about getting their way using different methods than their western sisters. Be prepared for it and deal with it.
You may be seeking companionship because you are lonely. Be prepared to never spend one second alone ever again. You will not even be alone while taking a crap. You will never have a moment of solitude ever again. Think about that. And she will never want to be alone either, especially when eating. You will have to go everywhere with her, and her with you. You may love someone forever, but you don’t love them all of the time.
If you are thinking of marriage because you are sick of the sound of silence, then be prepared to never have one second of silence ever again. Every moment will be filled with talk (mostly about things of which you are totally uninterested.) This includes when you are trying to read, go online, watch a movie, listen to the radio, or watch a television show in which you are interested, but she is not. I am pretty sure, based on my small but varied lifetime sample of women, that this is true for all women. So, for us heterosexual males, there is no avoiding it.
I’m pulling for you.
We are all in this together.
So many excellent points!