Readers' Submissions

How To Get A Girl In The West

  • Written by Leon Sun
  • October 7th, 2010
  • 11 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


I moved to Thailand when I was 18 and lived there until I was 20. 5 years later and I've just returned from a few weeks holiday. I seem to have changed a lot more than the country has.

I'm going to base this submission by shining some light on an underground group known as the Pickup Community. Forgive me if this subject has been covered already as I haven't been diligently reading the submissions. One of the only cures to my post-Thailand-era depression was to keep anything Thai-related in a forgotten corner of my mind.

One of the most frustrating and confusing things about being home was the western women. Being a young single male living in Thailand was a dream come true. So many warm friendly girls! As I gradually put in effort to learn Thai my options broadened. I was consistently seeing/dating/sleeping with bargirls and also good girls. One of the "good girls" who I almost fell in love with one day casually asked how I would be about her sleeping with other guys for money. I was pretty stunned/shocked at the idea and sort of laughed it off. Not long after she left me. She was of Chinese descent, worked in a 5-star hotel and she grew up in the West not far from where I was from. Did she genuinely like me but at the same time realize that she needed to make money? Did she want a white "Thai bf?" I should've accepted the offer.

Thailand is not the West. In the West we have different rules that we must abide by. So I had almost given up hope on the women here until I stumbled across the Community. An online network of computer nerds who were sick of not getting laid, had dissected the formulas of Attraction and were now apparently able to seduce ridiculously hot women. It was made popular by a bunch of gurus who referred to themselves as PUA (Pickup Artists). These Pickup Artists all started out as what's called an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump). An AFC is the guy that has no clue. He gets nervous when he talks to women, always says the wrong thing and ends up getting rejected or walked all over. But thanks to the wonders of dating science, these ex-AFCs now felt comfortable and in control of their interactions with women. They knew what to say and how to act to consistently date and sleep with beautiful women they previously only met in dreams. Most of these PUAs are average looking and sometimes aged well into their 40's. Sound like BS? I thought the same until I put a few ideas into practice and started seeing results.

There's another group of men who don't need help in this area. They've always been comfortable picking up women and these men are labeled Naturals. Like an alpha-male in the animal world some Naturals will instinctively try to sabotage your efforts or impose themselves into a situation you're attempting to control. This mainly occurs in the nightclub/bar setting, for either status/pride or to try and steal your women away. There are tactics to overcome or diffuse the different obstacles one will encounter during a Pickup including dealing with Alpha males. Naturals have an advantage because they instinctively know how to seduce, but they don't always know how to consciously break down their methods. The advantage Pickup Artists have is that they've learnt everything from scratch, so they can analyze every person's behaviours and continue to calibrate socially. The mastery and precision in which some of these guys operate with needs to be seen to be believed.

For those who start at the bottom, the journey can be very painful but also extremely rewarding. Unfortunately there is no secret potion or magic key here. The few chumps that "get good" soak up all the theory and then they go out and they practice. They will go through countless amounts of awkward situations and frustrating nights going home alone. You see it's the male's job to approach the female. If the woman is interested beforehand she will usually manoeuvre and position herself so that the man can approach easily. It is a skill to be able to notice these subtle invitation cues. But it's like any skill, you practice enough and you get good. Personally I was relieved when I understood that interacting with women was a skill one could improve upon. At the end of the day it's personal development. Be yourself but learn how to be your best self. Some say to sort out all other aspects of your life first and then success with women will come naturally. All PUAs agree that women want to be picked up, and most of them want sex just as much as men do. Basically if you approach in the correct way with a good first impression the woman will decide that she wants to sleep with you and all you need to do is to not mess it up. But as most of us know the woman rarely makes it easy. High-value attractive women will continually test men for compliance and if the man fails these little tests then she will lose interest. One annoying aspect of picking up is that to get a girl you must be willing to walk away from her.

There are a multitude of dating coaches promoting their own copyrighted curriculums but the core tips are all that one needs and they work with most cultures (these are for a bar/nightclub): Looks don't matter but be well-groomed. Approach in a non-threatening manner. Smile. Stand relaxed with arms by your side. Lean back, never lean in. Speak slowly and clearly. Hold eye contact. Control the conversation. Never buy a girl a drink until she earns it. Be funny and show your personality. Don't invest emotionally too early in the interaction. Playfully tease your target. Win over her friends if in a group. Stay positive and don't judge anyone. Notice subtle signals and extract information. Isolate your target and connect on a personal level. Use vague language. Escalate physically in a comfortable, consistent manner and be prepared logistically to move to a seduction location…..sounds easy right? And this is a VERY basic overview… For the Naturals who have Game this will all be common sense. But for the average guy some of it will seem counter-intuitive. Human attraction does not work the way it does in TV or movies.

Living in Thailand is an AFC's dream. Most men will get very nervous when approaching a beautiful woman in a public place. This is called Approach Anxiety. In the Thai bar scene, this Anxiety all but disappears. You don't even really need to try, to get beautiful women into bed. Using this material in Thailand can actually backfire. On my recent trip I was alone in Phuket and sat at a bar to watch a football match. I'm pretty picky so it took a few days before anyone really caught my eye. There was one girl working outside the bar who I thought was really hot so we started talking. I'll call her May. Now one PUA tactic is to tell a girl that she's "cute, like a little sister". What this does is disqualifies her from being a sexual interest and forces her to put in effort to re-attract you. Only problem is May took it literally and started opening up to me. Told me all about her boyfriend in the Army who she loves and misses. She ends up in tears and has me convinced that she's waiting for this guy to come back and is not seeing anyone else. I was disappointed but out of respect I stopped making sexual advances. The next day I'm back at the bar talking with a friend of hers and I casually mention that I like May. The friend looks at me funny and after a few minutes goes over to tell her. May comes over and is very confused. How could I like her like that? I'm her brother!… It took me almost half an hour to fix the problem I caused with that one comment which was supposed to speed up the process.. Eventually she gets it and we end up spending the week together. In a beerbar it's usually better to be direct.

Now if you wanted to waltz into one of BKK's trendiest nightspots and take home a young/upper-class/smoking-hot/Thai-model-stunner then you will need Game. Lots of it. Speaking Thai would be a huge bonus but if you're good enough not always necessary. In a loud club environment you sometimes have to rely on body language alone to seduce. It's a tough language to learn but making out with a hot exotic woman without saying a word is the best form of interracial communication one can experience.

Another tool I personally use to help sort potential partners is Astrology. While I don't take notice of newspaper horoscopes, I've found Astrology extremely interesting when it comes to understanding personalities and matching myself with women. It's worked very well for me so far either due to accuracy, instinct or maybe even a confirmation bias (thanks KD). I'll get a woman's DOB as quickly as possible and then I have a rough idea of what her values are and what may turn her on. Plus Western women love Astrology. A lot of Thai girls aren't aware of their astrological sign but I'd wager most of them would know their Chinese year. Far from an exact science, but if you can make a correct profound observation about someone you've just met you will become valuable in their eyes and you'll form a nice connection. I'm a Taurean and one of our apparent sexual traits is that to really get off we must feel that our partner is experiencing pleasure. A very compassionate quality but not ideal when you're paying a woman for sex. Even if you're young and attractive a lot of bargirls will simply not enjoy the act. I was so sick of unemotional bargirl sex that my screening process became even more stringent. These girls are clever though, some would still get past my screen and it's only until the sex starts that my illusion is shattered and it feels like business.

When I lived there what I would do would be to only go with a girl for free, and then I'd give her money afterwards. If she accepted then she would really appreciate it, and sometimes she wouldn't even take the money. It was harder to find girls that would agree to this but I was then sure that they were interested in me. But now these days when I visit for a short holiday I'm not awarded the same amount of time to screen girls and be picky. On my recent trip I thought about introducing my own contractual agreement: If you don't get wet I don't pay. I wonder how that would've gone down.

When I really start to miss Thailand I focus on the things in my own country that I could not enjoy if I was living in LOS. Things like agreeable temperatures, personal space, personal safety, silence, libraries, intelligent (pretentious) conversation, delicious orange juice, clean beaches and now, Western women. They're not so bad, just different (or similar?). I would even say that they can be more attractive. They can be more of a challenge which IMO can mean more rewarding. Of course all cultures and individuals have their respective faults. I'm not trying to convert anyone here and I don't want to come across as chauvinistic (or maybe I do if I want to get laid more). This is just a heads up for anyone in the West (or anywhere for that matter) who thinks that they will never have any hope with "normal" women. Even though there are a lot of hard truths I don't necessarily agree with, I will remain an avid student of the fascinating art of Seduction.

You'd be surprised how actually learning the rules can change the outcome of the Game.

Stickman's thoughts:

Live your life decently, be a good person, look after yourself and have a reasonable job and income. In other words, live your life in such a way that you can be proud of yourself – and you won't need any of this mumbo jumbo you talk about to pick up women because you will already be attractive to them.