Readers' Submissions

Pride & Prejudice or Just Plain Racism



Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

I’ll start this submission with a background update to get you up to speed.

Mia Thai and I met, what is now just about 24 months ago.

We married in March 2009, so we now have been happily married for 18 months.

We live in New Zealand and yes… we celebrated our 18 months of marriage by going away to Christchurch, NZ and ended up being in the epicentre of the 7.1 earthquake which occurred on 04th Sep 2010!

I tell you, it brings a whole new meaning to the saying “Did the Earth move for you” !!

Now getting on to the general drift of this submission…

With Mia Thai and I having been a couple now for 2 years, I believe it is sufficiently long enough to have left a track record and be able to look back over one’s shoulder and review what has been and what is now.

I started down this path of mental assessing recently and you know, just like standing atop a tree looking down, 24 months down the path you can now actually ‘see the wood for the trees’.

So there I was looking back at who was in my life before I met Mia Thai and who is around now 24 months later.

I looked at my current relationships with Family, Friends and Acquaintances.

Interestingly, whilst growing up in England as a young boy, I had always heard my Mother cursing:

1) Jamaicans ~ “They should go back to where they came from”

2) Asians ~ “That they took over every English owned Fish and Chip shop

3) Indians ~ “They smell and took over every corner shop”

So why was it then at age 48 when I married a Thai girl, I was surprised that my Mother found that she had no joy for us or my expected happiness?

Two years on my mother does not telephone us or keep in contact. I can only think she is ashamed for herself, of her son’s actions in marrying a Thai girl and all the stigmas that may be attached to that kind of entrenched thinking in England.

Many friends have ‘quietly disappeared’ here in NZ and also back in the UK. They appear to make themselves no longer available. The say we’ll call you, however they never do.

Acquaintances, mainly through work have disappeared too. Some worked self-employed with their wives. They used to love to catch up for a coffee a couple of times a month. However now they are always busy or just never return your phone calls.

So then just what ‘is it all about’ and just what is going on in people's minds?

I know both here in NZ and back in the UK there are myriads of closet and underground racists. They whinge and moan to people they think they know and can trust, about bloody foreigners, calling them dirty bastards and wishing they would just fuck off back to their own country.

Oh yes, I’ve heard this talk first hand both here in NZ and back in the UK – but never really understood the sentiment. I personally have always maintained a worldwide vision and a desire to travel and stay in ‘exotic’ countries.

What else could there be to be uncovered – How about Fear and Jealousy? Oh yes – many of my mate’s Western wives run their relationships. I believe that the wife is scared their man may just develop a taste and liking for an Asian Exotic wife.

They run shit scared that the inane boredom, that they make their man live with, may push him to jump ship, just like his mate (sorry, make that the ex-mate) has done!

Many of my friends and acquaintances joked after my 1st visit to Thailand, “Now you didn’t fall for one of those lovely, young, slim and sexy Thai girls, did you?”

I replied honestly with “Well actually, Yes I did”.

This seemed to send them running for cover and I guess that night when they reported back to ‘Her indoors’ they duly received their orders to cease all contact with ‘Mr Sexy Thai Girl Adorer’ – Else the divorce is going to cost you so, so, so much, oh and really hurt!!!

Ah ha moving on, talking of divorce, when I split with my final Western wife, a more mature person shared with me this old chestnut of information: “It’s not until you divorce, that you find out who your true friends really are!” (meaning finding out which shared friends take which partner's side).

I now really believe it’s the same line of thought when you choose to marry a Thai girl. You soon find out who your true friends and acquaintances really are!!

Wow – That’s really quite a list of extremely negative personality traits:

Ø Racism

Ø Jealousy

Ø Fear

Ø Entrenched thinking

So what can I do about all of this? Absolutely nothing!!

I continue to be as ‘happy as pig in shit’ with Mia Thai.

I have now quickly learnt who my real friends and acquaintances are.

I only wish to mix with other people that share and think the same way as I do.

I’m sure that ex mates that ‘Obey’ their controlling wives will continue to think privately ‘what if’, after watching and hearing from my true friends about other options in life.

I know I’d like to hear from anybody else with similar experiences to mine, and perhaps Stick would too via other people’s submissions…

Stickman's thoughts:

This is a most interesting situation and not one I can remember hearing of before. My experience is different but then I am not living in the West. I have quite a few friends with Thai wives in both NZ and the UK and have never heard of this before…

A long shot perhaps, maybe something else has changed – and it is not racism at all?