Stickman Readers' Submissions August 27th, 2010

Thai Girlfriend Living Arrangements

I was pondering this as a useful tool when settling down to something more permanent in Thailand. Now it IS a bit extreme, but I felt the possible benefits of this would long term outweigh the negative day you give this to your girlfriend. I do wonder how a Thai girl would react to it and would love to hear back from people on this. There is an additional point I thought about. This may actually appeal to a Thai girl – they are most certainly into the haggling over things to come to an agreement. So far the things I've haggled over with my girlfriend – where to live, when we would have children, how much money I will send her, what mobile phone she needs. I’m sure there are many more – but could you ever imagine haggling over these things with a western woman? Now I would have it professionally translated of course. It did cross my mind there is a good chance she’ll not even bother to read it to the end – hey she may not get past the first line.

Here is my first draft of the girlfriend agreement, I'm sure I've missed bits but it is a work in progress.

· Each month on the 1st of the month and not before, you will receive an allowance of 10,000 Baht. This is for you to do with as you choose. You will have no household or living expense bills to pay. However, there will be no further money added. This should cover: any money you wish to give to family, any land you want to buy, your clothes, any mobile phone upgrades, gifts to people, building of temples and any savings you wish to make.

· For our first 2 children you will receive an additional 3,000 baht per child for their expenses. I do not at this stage wish to have more than 2 children. <I think this figure is very much on the low sideStick>

· As is normal in the Western / farang world I will not be spending every hour of every day together. Farangs need space, so I will travel on work, travel and to see friends.

· I do not intend to spend my sole time in Thailand and will travel for 3+ months a year.

· We may at times need to leave our children in care of either family or paid help.

· I do not intend to take you to the UK to get a British passport – I have no intention of staying in the UK.

· No uninvited houseguests will take residence in our home without my express permission.

· If unfortunately we no longer wish to be a couple and split – you will receive your monthly allowance for the same amount of months every year we have lived together. Our children will receive their allowance until 16 years of age.

· The discovery of a Thai boyfriend will result in you never seeing your children again and I'll bulldoze our house. As is my right as the owner of the house.

· Sex – this is of course by mutual consent, however if it’s no longer forthcoming I will be taking up a mia noi or gik.

· Phoning 10 times in a row is unacceptable – either leave a voice mail or send a text message.

· There is to be no debt accrued without my prior knowledge – in particular debt due to any gambling. If I believe gambling is a problem your allowance will cease.

· We will not waste time owning the newest pick up truck – it is unnecessary, unless you wish to finance it out of your own allowance.

· If I decide anyone is abusing our hospitality and attending our home to leach off of our hospitality, they will no longer be welcome.

· The lending of money is prohibited – if needed I will lend money, you shall not.

· You will only take up employment at my agreement – I will not accept being blackmailed into giving out more money.

· I can and will talk with other women – I don’t expect excessive jealousy. It is not unusual for a farang to have female friends.

· It’s important to note that this is not a contract. It is a setting out of terms so we can in future refer back if there’s a disagreement of any sort.

· Whilst this has so far been very negative – I'd like to point out the positives. I’m offering all you expect – a home, food, drink, and a good modern life including international travel without work.

Stickman's thoughts:

I can see what you're trying to achieve with this agreement, but the way that Thais *hate* the idea of specific rules like this laid down in paper in a relationship could make this not just useless, but actually harmful to your relationship!

I really do believe that you would be better off talking with your girlfriend openly about what her goals and dreams are, what yours are, and hopefully you can find a happy medium. If you can, then there is the potential for a relationship to develop and flourish. But if you're not on the same page, it would be best to set her free.

Frankly, the way this reads to me is that you you feel you're doing her a favour and it's your way or the highway. I really don't think either this document or this approach would go down well with *any* Thai woman!

nana plaza