Not Your Average ABC

…So any way, last night I’m settling down after dinner with my little boy Sam on my bed for our daily “Story Time”. It’s something we both enjoy, and it’s a good way to end yet another busy day. Sam piled a large stack
of some of his favorites, which he never seems to tire of. Is it any wonder that I can recite Green Eggs and Ham and The Cat in the Hat (just to name a few) by heart? In addition to story
books, we always spend some time looking through some “ABC” books. Sam’s a clever little guy who will turn four in September, but already knows the English and Thai alphabets. The Thai one by the way is no piece of cake!

Someone had given Sam some ABC picture books made here in Thailand. These are the thin, inexpensive ones you can find just about anywhere. On each page you will find a Capital and Lower Case letter, along with a colorful illustration. For the letter “A”
there is an ant. For the letter “B” there is a bear. The words associated with each letter are standard on every schoolroom wall in Thailand, although I’ve seen a few variations in these little books. For example I’ve
seen a duck instead of a dog for the letter “D”.

Well, imagine my shocked surprise when I turned the page in this new little book and did not find a cartoon goat with the letter “G”. What did I see instead? No, not a giraffe!
What I was staring at was a gun; more specifically a BIG nasty looking hand gun! It was being held in a business-like two-handed grip by a pair of disembodied hands. My reaction was immediate. WTF? What the hell is this doing in a children’s
book? It seemed like a good time to read The Little Engine That Could. It also seemed like a good time to throw this strange ABC book into the trash bin, which I did when Sam was asleep.

Okay, I know what a few (hopefully only a few) of you are thinking out there. My ears are ringing away as though someone just rang a gong next to my head. Poor “bleeding heart” Sawadee.
What a hopeless LIBERAL he is! Doesn’t he know that nothing makes God, specifically Jesus (no wimpy Buddhists need apply) happier than a well-tooled hand gun…except of course a whole arsenal of hand guns! What’s wrong
with a teaching young child to become fascinated with a shiny piece of hardware whose sole person is to kill another human being? In my book plenty.

Note: I will be examining the topic of guns in Thailand a little later on, but first need to set my philosophy straight.

Well, for those of you who believe that what you watch on Faux News is “Fair and Balanced”, I really do hate to burst your bubble, but Sawadee is hardly a left wing lunatic. Actually I am a living, breathing member of that rare and seemingly
endangered species that both the Left and the Right detest with equal fervor. My friends, I am proud to call myself a free-thinking moderate. I do not subscribe to a “carved in stone” pre-packaged ideology, which
must be swallowed whole. I insist instead on examining each and every issue based on its own merits. It is of course difficult if not impossible to be completely objective about anything. One’s life experience often colors the way you view
the world. That being said, I think it is incumbent to use at least a small portion of the grey matter we are born with to run ideas through a Bull Shit detector, and see if they make sense.

Personally I often find myself integrating parts of divergent opinions to come up with solutions that work for me, if no one else. Usually in the process I manage to alienate both sides, but what the hell! Let me give you an example.

In America, few people are neutral on the subject of abortion. I of course, being a man cannot even imagine what it means to have an unwanted pregnancy. When does Life begin? Define Life. Do you mean a thinking human child, or a collection of functioning
cells? I personally do not believe that human life begins until some time until well into the third trimester of pregnancy. Unless there is a grave…and I mean grave medical emergency which really and truly endangers the life
of the mother, I don’t believe that abortion is an ethical option. Before then, hopefully very early in a pregnancy, I think it is. When I hear some righteous prig, like the a**hole who is running for the Senate in Nevada say that
a pre-teen girl, after being raped and impregnated by her father should simply, “make lemonade out of lemons”, I want to vomit. No one, especially in this horrendous situation, should be forced to give birth. Okay. These
are some of the “Liberal” elements in the abortion debate I endorse and will weave into my position on the topic.

On the other hand, (my Right hand I should say) I don’t feel that abortion is a trivial matter, a whim to be taken lightly. “Oh, gee how inconvenient for me to be pregnant.” I also don’t much care for groups like Planned Parenthood
secretly taking minors across state lines to have an abortion without the girls’ parents’ knowledge, let alone consent.

Of course if those pesky men ever took responsibility for birth control, there wouldn’t be so many unplanned pregnancies to begin with! In Thailand, the boyfriend who heads for the hills upon learning that one of his sperm has “scored a
goal” in the Genetic Olympics, is not a stereotype. It is in fact extremely common.

Funnily enough, many right-wingers, especially the religious nuts, oppose sex education and birth control. I also don’t hear any of them volunteering to adopt a child of a mother who would otherwise seek and abortion. Can you just imagine some
evangelicals wanting to adopt a “child of color”? I can’t.

To sum up my position: There are too many abortions, but without decent sex education, and readily available birth control to help prevent unwanted pregnancies, and lots of people who are willing to adopt children of such pregnancies, I don’t see
a viable solution for reducing abortions. Don’t even talk to me about abstinence programs. “Just say no” rarely works when you are talking about horny teenagers. Sarah Palin’s daughter is a “shining” example
of how well that works! Making abortion illegal will only drive women to back alley butchers, but making abortion into just another casual medical procedure is a bad thing for society. My position will undoubtedly infuriate the
Left and the Right, but subject to new information, and I’m always open to new information, that’s where I stand.

Now let’s talk about guns. I will freely admit that I have never been fascinated with them. I do however believe in the right to protect yourself and your family. I am no Pollyanna. It is a baaaad world out there, with many baaaad
people who would gladly kill you for a few lousy dollars, or any currency of your choice. Unless you have an armed policeman in your spare bedroom, it’s up to keep the scum away. This may involve owning a firearm. While I think
this is a reasonable “Conservative” viewpoint, it is a joke to those who think they have the “divine right” to own a Barrett 50 millimeter sniper rifle with an infrared scope and an assault rifle complete with armor
piercing ammunition. “You want to “restrict my right to carry a concealed weapon into a bar? You’ll have to pry my gun out of my cold, dead fingers, you commie bastard!” Mixing alcohol…often consumed in excessive
amounts with guns. Yeah, that’s a brilliant idea…if you are looking for mayhem. Folks forget trying to reason with people who believe that there should be no restrictions whatsoever on gun ownership. In the ABC primers of these
“patriots”, the letter “B” would feature a picture of Barack Obama sporting a Hitleresque mustache, with one arm around Stalin and the other holding the little red book by Chairman Mao, issuing a proclamation for the
Black U.N. Helicopters to round up gun owners and place them in “re-education” camps.

Earlier this year I wrote a piece about one of my young students, who while sitting in his family’s car, took his father’s handgun out of the glove compartment. While his younger brother looked on, this boy accidentally killed himself. He
apparently thought the gun was a toy. Guns are not toys! They are deadly weapons. Other parents may instruct their children in whatever manner they choose, but let me tell you, I plan on telling Sam that handguns exist to kill
other people, and that under no circumstances should he ever touch one! I have no intention for him to learn “G is for gun”!

I once exchanged a few e-mails with a contributor to this website in which I mentioned my outlook on responsible gun ownership. I won’t mention his name, but undoubtedly you have read some of his submissions. Let’s just say that he gives
Paleolithic mankind a bad name. How dare I even suggest that firearms be secured when not in an adult’s possession! Likewise that anyone wanting to purchase a gun should be required to take a safety course. Any restriction to his “rights”, whether real or imagined is intolerable. This guy, who is neither married nor has children, then proceeded to lecture me about how he would train his children to “not touch daddy’s
gun”. Of course they would instantly obey, right? Thank the Deity of your choice that this guy, who that arch demagogue Rush Limbaugh speaks the truth, doesn’t have any kids!

Okay, you rest easy. I’ll stop ranting for the moment. Let’s instead talk about guns here in Thailand. To be honest I have the faintest idea what the laws are cornering the private ownership of firearms. Hey Stick! This sounds like an excellent
question for the good folks over at Sunbelt Asia. Undoubtedly their keen legal experts can shed some light on the subject. <I can answer this question. Generally speaking a foreigner will not be issued with a firearms licence in Thailand. That is Joe Public Farang. I know of one farang who has a Thai forearms licence – I have seen it with my own eyes and have heard of one or two others who have them. In each and every case, it was issued because they knew someone on the police force – Stick>

What I do know for a fact that a hell of a lot of Thais own handguns. My crazy neighbor Somchai, who has been feuding with me for a few years, has one. (My friends, don’t ever even dream of telling a Thai to please lower the volume of his music!)
Not being entirely stupid, I’ve not gone out of my way to antagonize a guy packing heat, especially someone not entirely stable.

Quite a few of the teachers at my school own handguns. I found that out after the tragic incident I mentioned earlier. Man oh man; I do hope that they keep them secure! Many other Thais I’ve talked to admitted they too possess hand guns. Somehow
I have a sneaking suspicion that many if not all of these may not be legal.

Thailand is a country that isn’t very forthcoming when it comes to statistics of an unpleasant nature. How many traffic fatalities are there yearly? How many of these were due to drunk driving? What is the rate of murders, rapes and assaults here
in the Land of Smiles? Your guess is as good as mine. How many deaths and injuries are caused by guns? Just a few seconds ago I did a quick Yahoo search found this chart.

Crime Statistics> Murders with firearms (most recent) by country

Wow! That was a bit of an eye opener. I find it staggering the number is higher here in Thailand and in the U.S.! Here is another chart showing the per capita rate.

Crime Statistics> Gun violence> Homicides> Firearm homicide rate> per 100,000 pop. (most recent) by country

Showing latest available data.

Apparently I’ve been living a sheltered life in my little neighborhood in Lampang. It’s a good thing I don’t walk around through the “bad” parts of town! I still have never been able to find out what the
number of murders of foreigners whether visiting or living in Thailand are. That’s one piece of information that you will never find out from the Thai Tourist Authority!

To summarize my personal philosophy on handguns: They may indeed be necessary… sometimes, but they are not toys. They are not something I think children should be wanting. Undoubtedly I will be getting a slew of angry e-mails telling
me what a naïve fool I am, but I could care less. In the meantime, the ABC in the Sawadee household will continue to be a no fire zone.