Readers' Submissions

Women in America – Getting the Facts Straight


If there is one thing I still really enjoy in life it’s a rousing discussion of just about any topic under the sun. Not a knock-down, drag-out affair, just a spirited discussion or even an argument between people with different points of views. Normally, I hash out the day’s topics with close friends who, surprising, rarely share my point of view. No worries; “off the field” we buy each other beers and are still good friends after the combat recedes. One thing that makes our discussions the more interesting is my friends are hard-headed about getting their facts vetted before using them to bash me over the head. I return the favor as often as I can. But there is one thing we all agree on: arguing with an idiot or someone who “believes” a statement is true is just a waste of time.

In recent submissions, mostly in response to “Losers Paradise”, some writers have felt the need to remind us why they hate western women, western marriages, and the unfairness of western divorces. I have no reason to quarrel with their feelings on this subject, but the facts they use to justify their feelings are, in some cases, based in pure fantasy and delusion.

Believe me, I am no defender of western women. My own story is familiar one. Ten years ago, struggling to save a marriage that had been bad for years, I finally decided to call it quits. Feeling depressed and dreading having to go back into the dating scene at middle age, my company asked me to re-locate to SE Asia for a couple of years. I soon found the bright lights of Nana Plaza and Orchard Tower and Wanchai. After six months of regular patronage, I had my vitality and confidence restored to pre-marriage levels. I then started dating non-bar girls and my confidence really soared. When I returned to the USA, I married an absolutely wonderful Thai woman and I have been happy ever since.

Even after that experience, I am still willing to concede that there are many western women who are just as wonderful as my Thai wife. For example, my two sisters fit this category as well as the wives of my verbal sparring partners. Also, there is this gorgeous middle-aged woman I used to work with. She found herself divorced after being married to a cheating airline pilot. When I knew her, she was witty, charming, and completely selfless. Whoever is with her now is one lucky chap. I understand that our disgruntled writers may never have met these kind women before or believe they are probably a small minority, so I acknowledge that they are not spewing some silly male bluster. But certainly, with just a little investigation or modest googling, they should know that their personal experiences may not hold up to be truth. A little critical thinking can go a long way.

When they state as “facts” that divorce laws here in America always favor women as a reason to run away to Thailand and take up a monger’s life, then I have stand up and inject some reality into the discussion. As I have said in other posts, if you co-mingle your resources in a marriage or act stupidly, like adultery or physical abuse, then “yes” you will have a tough time in divorce court. Otherwise, it will be a 50-50 division of shared property with a separation of non-shared property. When kids are involved, the judge will act on their behalf but most judges have a set formula for support based on your income. In fact, the one area where women do have an advantage over men is in child custody, but that can change if the kids prefer Dad or the Mom is incompetent. It happens all the time now. But the story of a stepfather having to pay child support in a divorce is just loony. Unless the stepfather has formally adopted the step-kids, then no judge in the USA is going to make him pay support. The only time that will happen is when the step-father wants partial custody, so only with the mother’s permission, some support will be expected.

Although not divorce related, Time Bandit weighed in on how easy it is for a woman to falsely accuse men of rape. To support his argument, he tells a story he found on the internet about the unfortunate Dean Melvin of Portland, Oregon. Innocent Dean hired a prostitute to supposedly take nude pictures of her while tied up with duct tape. Later, she accused him of rape and he spent three unwarranted years in prison. Well, it took me a while to find the story myself but the facts are a little more enlightening. His real name is Dean Melvin Rieck, 51, and when the girl made the rape charge, the police tracked down his car and found a gun, duct tape, and the nude photos. They also checked his background and found he had “spent most of his life in prison for a long list of crimes that included binding a 15-year-old girl, driving her to the woods and repeatedly raping her.” In addition, they had security video of him chasing the girl outside a store. Read the details for yourself here.

Sure, the police should have investigated a little harder but I think most people would agree that it looked like the girl’s story was true. Also notice that Rieck was only charged and not convicted. Why did it take three years for the investigation? Would he have been found not guilty in court? This seems to indicate some police waffling even after the arrest. Time bandit is correct about one thing though; the wacko Sexual Assault Resource Center still believed the girl’s story. Luckily, their judgment carries no weight in a courtroom. The hero of this story, as most ex-cons already know, should have known not to engage in this kind of behavior as the cops will never believe him if there is a problem. He paid a price for stupidity, not female prejudice.

In fact, for those who still believe the prosecutor and the law work against men, look at this case: the same prosecutor successfully convicted a woman for the rape of a 15 year old boy!

Even my good friend Korski can’t resist telling similar stories. Although I completely trust his sincerity and the facts of the case about the professor who asked a teaching assistant to go to a bull fight and soon found himself talking to a university lawyer because the TA said she felt “uncomfortable” about his advances. I agree with Korski that this should not have been construed to be a sexual advance. In fact, isn’t it policy in most places of work that until a person is told to stop or that they are “uncomfortable”, it is perfectly OK to have this conversation? Unless there were rules in place against this kind of social contact, I doubt very much that the university would have had any case against the professor. Even with civil suits, where you have to prove definitive damage by the act, stopping when told to stop would never be seen as damaging or even mental duress. It’s the stupid who continue asking and calling after they have been asked to stop that get into trouble. Should laws be enacted to protect the stupid?

And that, my friends, is the moral of this long narrative. If you act stupid in marriages, affairs of the heart, or in working with women (or with working women), and then get in trouble, don’t blame it on the sad state of the current world we live in. Look into the mirror, curse loudly, and then promise to go and sin no more. That is what will keep you your head straight and allow you to move on to happier times. I should know.

Stickman's thoughts:

For sure, there are two sides to every story.