Readers' Submissions

Response To Loser’s Paradise

  • Written by Mac BKK
  • July 6th, 2010
  • 13 min read

I am sure that I am doing just what the author of the piece “The Loser’s Paradise” had in mind when I’m responding to his submission. Yes his submission.

You see I’m almost certain that the author is in fact not a 23 year old half-Chinese girl but simply a fellow farang guy who wants to raise some hell and start a debate. Probably of the same sort who’d go on a dating site calling himself Slutgirl-17 and look for “hot lezbo action” and hope to get some replies arousing enough to jerk off to; which says something about actually being a loser. But never mind that. I have no proof and I can’t be sure although the whole sound and feel of the submission screams out that it wasn’t written by a girl.

And even if it was written by a girl (which it was not); are we seriously to believe that a 16 year old Asian looking girl on her first visit to Thailand is first molested by a 50 something bald, fat man on the plane to Bangkok and then as soon as she’s landed another western man mistakes her for her own father’s new bride and rudely comments on it? Honestly, how often do these things happen? What are the odds of getting into 2 such situations before even getting through Customs? My bullshitometer went off very early when reading this piece.

Then after her trip she starts reading Stickman, reading hundreds and hundreds of submissions and over the next years goes to Thailand a few times and actively informs herself about the naughty nightlife. How, pray tell? Was our author hanging out in lower Sukhumvit? In Patpong? She and her family must have been since they encountered so many sex-tourists at their hotel. Is this normal for a 16-23 year old girl? And from these observations, what insights into the sex industry in Thailand could she have gleaned?

My point is that even if this was written by a girl (which, again, it was not) then that girl would be making up stuff to support her arguments. Because so much in this piece just doesn’t add up. And with that said, let’s have a look at her arguments, her accusations that we western men with a Thailand fetish are delusional.

Delusion no 1 – Thailand is a sex paradise

Thailand cannot be a sex paradise because we are paying for it, the author claims, one way or another. Well, first of all we are very often paying for it in the west as well, but the payment there is not as in your face. Second, the quality of sex is not automatically reduced by the fact that it’s paid for. The sex can still be great, and the fact that you’re dealing with a professional could actually be used to argue that very fact. If you went for a massage, would you think that the better massage came from the paid professional masseuse or from the amateur that gives you one for free?

Of course there is a point to be made in that someone who actually wants to have sex and wants it with you specifically will also be a more rewarding sexual partner. But payment does not always mean an unenthusiastic bed partner and non-payment does not always equal enthusiasm. I’ve had dynamite sex in Thailand, with hookers, and I’ve had lousy sex too. Same as I’ve had back home.

Plus, the author misses out a very important part of the whole deal with guys going for bargirls. It’s not (at least not for me, or my likeminded friends) that we men can’t get girl in our own country. It’s not that we do not get laid on occasion, or that that sex can’t be rewarding and good. It’s the ease of it in Thailand. The fun factor involved in the whole bar-scene and the freedom of choice and the freedom to change. And the sex can be pretty damn good too. I say that Thailand can indeed be a sex paradise. And since I’m a sex tourist with a hundred or so notches on my belt and you’re (pretending to be) a 23 year old half-Chinese girl I claim authority on the matter.

Delusion no 2 – Thais are beautiful

This is actually a pretty stupid argument since beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My own opinion on the matter is that Thai women are the most beautiful women, on average, that I have come across in Asia. I find Thai women feminine and graceful. I love it when they have long, black and straight hair which many do and I really like their eyes.

Other Asians, well I have never been to Japan so my view might be warped but I have looked at Japanese models and compared to Thai models and in my own opinion Thai women win that contest. Cambodia has some very attractive women, but they are more cute and adorable than beautiful to me, and many are just too short for my taste. In Laos it’s the traditional grace and the genuine warmth that struck me the most, but I find the women to be a bit cruder and not as feminine as in Thailand. In Vietnam it’s the posture, and the very long hair and the traditional white dresses but I find Vietnamese have sharper features than Thai women, which to me makes them less attractive. In China beautiful women are stunning but I saw proportionally less beautiful women around there on average. Some (Hi Korski!) might disagree with me but I am not of the opinion that any set of populations has a similar quota of really attractive individuals. If I compare going on the skytrain in Bangkok and on the subway in Guangzhou I find a much greater proportion of the women in Bangkok to be seriously attractive, even if the ones that are attractive in Guangzhou rank very high individually.

With all that said and being a Thai aficionado I still find that no Asian woman I have ever seen can hold a candle to a really attractive western girl. I’m from Sweden and what I see now during summertime walking down our streets and on our beaches are in my opinion some of the very most attractive girls in the world. A stunner here beats a stunner in Thailand, as far as I’m concerned. Also I’m a real sucker for Latinas and I do not find it at all strange that Venezuela basically subscribes to the title for Miss Universe.

My opinion is that western women are the most beautiful in the world but that Thai girls are the most beautiful I have come across in Asia, and that Thailand has a greater proportion of girls I find attractive than most other places. Also I find that Asian women have a longer beauty-lifespan. Western women sometimes let themselves go way too early and in some cases they peak while they’re still so young that they’re inappropriate to even approach.

But you see, this is just my personal opinion. And even if I actually prefer western girls looks wise it doesn’t mean that I’m a loser if I spend 3-4 weeks a year screwing Thai bargirls. And for a guy who actually prefers the Asian look and possibly the Thai look especially, he’s most certainly not a loser based on merely paying for some sex in Thailand.

This whole beauty debate is silly anyway. Yes western men go for girls that are not the beauty ideal in Thailand and yes some Asians find that strange and yes there are good looking girls back home. So what? I’m there to get my rocks off. I like how they look. I’m having fun. She might be a 4 to you and a 7 to me if you want to talk scales and then I pour a few cold ones down my throat and she’s suddenly a 10. I have great sex and pay her some money. What the hell do I care how she rates to you? Why bring an international beauty contest into that mix? First of all it’s a completely subjective matter and secondly it proves precisely nothing regarding my supposed loser-status.

Delusion no 3 – Thailand’s culture is more sexually permissive than the west

First of all I think neither the author, (pretending to be) a half-Chinese western girl, nor myself are really experts. Still some statements stand out in their ignorance,

So, it’s not “authentic Thai culture” to sleep with hookers? Perhaps not, but it’s very, very common among local men. Much more common than in most, perhaps all, of the west. Surely this author, having studied Thai centred prostitution so much, is aware that the facilities that cater to westerners is but a small part of the total sex for sale scene in Thailand?

The biggest mistake some westerners do is that they flaunt their sexual “conquests” in a manner that is inappropriate in Thailand. The issue is not the fact that a 60 year old man would hire a 20 something girl for sex, but that the same man would walk hand in hand with her down the street. Thai men would not do this. Which is not to say they don’t patronise brothels just as much and probably more so than western men in general.

The fact is that if Thailand was not fairly permissive then the sex scene could not exist in the fashion it does today. Try that on in much of the west and you’d get an uproar. Try it in the Middle East and you’d get uprisings.

I’m not really sure what the author is getting at here because the argumentation is so forced. She (he) goes from discussing the general sexual permissiveness of a society and then somehow switches to arguing that it’s not a good idea to marry a hooker. Well, duh! Sure there are guys who fall into the trap and think they are different and who try for a marriage with a bargirl and although it does work out on some rare occasions it’s well documented that the odds are not at all good. That’s not news.

Which is why the overwhelming majority of men who go to Thailand and participate in the bar-scene do not marry hookers. For most men who buy sex in Thailand it’s simply recreation. It’s sports fucking. Do the numbers. How many visitors come to Thailand from the west per year? How many men? How many of these buy sex? How many marriages between punters and bargirls? That’s right, a very small percentage of men are actually stupid enough to purchase a previous rental.

Delusion no 4 – I’m her saviour

This seems mostly to apply to the men who actually do end up marrying hookers. And here I am actually prepared to give the author some credit due. If you do end up marrying a hooker and then later complain that she’s devious and money-hungry, then you are really delusional.

Gratefulness too should not be expected. She provided sex, I provided her with money. I demand some respect from her and that will be reciprocated but she does not need to be grateful, or even feign much gratefulness. It’s, as the author says, a fair trade.

But then there’s the assumption by the author that the many western men are in fact delusional and expect gratefulness from the hooker they see. Where this assumption is coming from we do not know. But surely it must be limited to the ones who are actually stupid enough to take the leap of faith and marry a prostitute. Which, as I pointed out above, is but a small portion of all men buying sex in Thailand.

Still we know of the so called “white knight” syndrome that does exist among men patronising hookers in Thailand. The lines between a hooker and a girlfriend can become blurred and the format of the sex trade is set up in a way that sometimes promotes this. Some fall into the trap and feel they need to rescue the girl and when the outcome doesn’t go as planned there can be moaning from some of these guys. But it most certainly does not apply to us all.

* * *

We’ve got here a submission from a person with an axe to grind. This author has a starting point: to insult the readership of StickmanBangkok.com en masse and to portray them as losers. It’s there in white on black: the bar scene appeals to western loser males and the Stickman readership is a community of these losers.

Now, as I have mentioned I am pretty certain that this submission was not written by a half-Chinese 23 year old woman. Instead I believe it was written by a man for the sole purpose of insulting readers and generating angry responses. I have no proof of this though. It could be a woman with an unusual interest in the Thai sex trade and the males participating in it.

But regardless of whether the author is who she says she is, of if it’s a poser, the submission itself is lousy from an argumentative viewpoint. It’s made up of 4 supposed delusions that western men who buy sex in Thailand are accused of. The first one is not valid at all. It suggests that because there is an exchange involving cash the sex must be inferior. Bullshit. The second topic is irrelevant. It deals with beauty which is a subjective matter and is not really relevant even if it could be rated objectively. The third topic is forced and lacks in insight. It tries to suggest that only the price level is why western men are drawn to the sex scene in Thailand and somehow seems to suggest that a significant proportion of those men end up marrying hookers. Not true. The fourth topic has some merit, in that the “white knight” syndrome is in fact present among western men, and gratefulness is probably something that these men dream of momentarily. Still it only really applies to a subset of western males and in many cases the white knight syndrome is overcome with experience.

No, I’m afraid this submission has little merit. For the author’s sake I hope you are really a 23 year old half-Chinese girl. In that case it can be somewhat understood why your insights into the sex scene in Thailand are so limited and why you jump to so many wrong conclusions. But if you are, as I suspect, a western male yourself, then you did a terrible job with this piece and really should consider withholding further attempts like it in the future.

//Mac

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

Heaps of really excellent points, all really well made, I thought.

In the girl's defence, she has sent me links revealing her identity. I have no reason to disbelieve that she really is a 23-year old female.