Musings

What do I see with my blue eyes?

Living in country for about a year I was sitting outside a convenience store talking with three farangs and a thought came to me. This thought had occurred by the process of osmosis. I “Googled” the word osmosis to check the
definition for accuracy and according to “The Free Dictionary by Farlex” the secondary usage, “a gradual often unconscious process of assimilation or absorption: learned French by osmosis while residing in Paris for 15 years.”
Coincidental that I checked the definition of a word and the online dictionary sentence example simply negates a submission writer’s assertion “You can’t absorb this stuff by osmosis”. Getting back to the subject I
realized all the farangs I have talked with or made eye contact in the Land of Smiles had blue, green or grey eyes. The majority of the world’s population comprises of brown eyes and the percentage of blue eyes is around 20 percent. After
having this revelation I asked my friend to pay attention to everyone he encounters here and to make a note of their eye color. He did this for awhile and informed me of his observations. He concurred what I had noticed and that every farang he
saw had non-brown eyes. It was only this year after three years of observation that I finally met a brown eyed farang. I’m amazed at the percentage of non-brown eyed farangs here in Thailand. I’m asking the readers to observe the
farangs they encounter in Thailand and see if you concur with my experience. Warning; be inconspicuous about this or you may give the wrong impression.

Paring an item.

I pare a food item by pulling the knife towards myself. The other month I was paring an item and a Thai lady friend saw me paring and she said she doesn’t pare the same way and that her farang boyfriend pares the same as me. I asked
her in Thai why she pares that way. Her answer was she doesn’t know why. I was tremendously disappointed with her answer. I was hoping to learn some insight, speaking in the native tongue. Sarcasm aside, I asked my friend who is an Exec-chef
about paring and he said the Asians pare outward and the Caucasians pare an item inward. I think the Caucasians pare inward for safety reasons.

Thai female orifices.

Here in FantasyThailand some of the female orifices characteristics are reversed. Recently I went with my another Thai lady friend to a café to ogle the ladies and I think she enjoys looking at the feminine bodies as much as I do. A
singer from the previous visit sat with me and I assume she is a normal Thai lady with a clean vagina. Sometime later she left for an important date. The important date was the feed me siren call. She returns and her breath smelt like a nasty
snatch. I like the smell of tuna but not that nasty smell of fish sauce or pa la. Gotta laugh, here the vaginas smell clean and the breath smells like a farang vagina. The other characteristic reversed is the betel nut imbibers with their mouth
looking like its menstruating. Orifice characteristics reversed only in Thailand.

Fair game

Men are roosters and want to lay a hen at any chance. However some men are hen pecked and keep the pecker cooped. I have been guilty of being hen pecked in the past and see my past as being a dumb kluck. Life changes and so have I. I maintain
one rule only my mates mate are off limits. No hen is worth laying causing the loss of a good male friend. Onward to life here the other day I went with my Thai lady friend to a karaoke and upon entering the dive two Tom thumbs make their interest
known to my companion. My friend says she doesn’t know these two Tom thumbs, true or not no concern of mine. About an hour later I go to empty the bladder upon return one Tom thumb is at the table wanting her phone number. I had a big smile
on my face and enjoyed the situation knowing the Thai Tom thumb thinks he is getting one up on this farang. This has happened before with the Thai’s and the farangs here and is no different than back in one’s homeland. It is so funny
here with the Tom thumbs for they believe they have the cultural charisma and looks to steal a farang’s companion. Fair game but the roosters here should realize that they are cock shorted roosters for no charisma or looks can make up the
difference. I base that comment on conversations I had with ladies and one in particular bemoaning more than once she looks and finds a Thai man she likes but isn’t happy/satisfied because he is a Tom thumb.

Insects

Some farangs accustom to Thailand partake in some of the native habits. The natives love to eat insects and I like them too except they add MSG which makes me avoid the entrée. If I find ants in my coffee or food I consume them tasty
buggers. Certain species will make my lip swell at the point of contact. Myself and other farangs that I have been with will remove a fly that ended up in the brew and continue drinking. I have yet to see a Thai do the same. They will dump the
contents and pour a fresh drink. Doing things like the natives I have to be mindful not to adopt the sashaying and the hands reversed on the hips like them Thai fellows do.

Till next time, “Turn on, tune in, drop out.”