In my previous submission “Quotations”, I shared with you my personal views concerning Thai politics and leadership. Moving on but in the same vein, this submission focuses on the thorny issue of sex.
“Sex has become one of the most discussed subjects of modern times. The Victorians pretended it did not exist; the moderns pretend nothing else exists” – Fulton J Sheen
“The tragedy is when you’ve got sex in the head instead of down there where it belongs” – DH Lawrence
Logically, this should be the second of three submissions, with the final chapter covering religion. Sadly, I have neither the knowledge nor ability to do that subject justice. I shall therefore step aside and leave this as an open challenge to any other Stickman reader willing and able to take it on. <No thanks, don't want the religion debate here, thanks – Stick>
“Metaphysics is like an erection, the longer you ponder the harder it gets” – scrawled somewhere on a toilet door.
Why is Khun Farang drawn to Thailand?
“I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer” – Woody Allen
Many submitters have in my view rather unkindly focused on Khun Farang being fat, bald, old and ugly; without either the wit or guile to secure female companionship at home.
“Filth and old age, I’m sure you will agree are powerful wardens upon chastity” – Chaucer
“Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in” – Katherine Whitehorn
Certainly this may be true of many, especially those looking to marry a bargirl on the strength of a few days passion – “this one is different”. Equally, there are many naughty boys out there who are under 40, educated, hold down a good job and are at least passably good looking and well presented with a degree or charm and decorum. Irrespective of Khun Farang’s relative merits on a scale of 0 to 10, if he is able to negotiate a mutually acceptable arrangement with his teeruk, then whose business is it but theirs?
I am also not persuaded by the vilification of all western women as an explanation for Khun Farang being driven to seek solace in the Land of Smiles. It is true that the divorce laws in the UK and US appear to have been drafted by militant feminists and there are women out there who have learned to play the system for all it is worth. Also, some women have lost interest in maintaining their appearance are happy to pile on the pounds, and, or, have little interest in taking care of their partner’s sexual, or indeed any other needs. That being said there are still many western women who demonstrate none of these negative traits.
Thailand offers many opportunities to those who want to play. At one extreme there are bars which offer instant gratification to the uncouth in situ. Then moving up through the spectrum, there are soapy massages, short time, long time, the girl-friend experience, rented wives and Mia Noi’s. Khun Farang may participate at any or all levels, or indeed not at all. The choice is his and his alone!
Working as a tour guide, and only as a tour guide, my wife used to look after a wealthy American university professor on his frequent trips to Thailand. Sometimes he would come alone, and at other times was accompanied by his wife and daughter. He was a good husband, who took his family responsibilities seriously. He was also a serious player. On one occasion he had my wife take his spouse and daughter out for a day’s sight-seeing. The professor remained at the hotel, where other pleasures awaited him. He instructed my wife to call him before bringing his family back to the hotel. After making the call, my wife had to tell the driver, in Thai off course, to take a circular route back to the hotel in order to allow the good professor time to get his pants back on. What happens in Thailand stays in Thailand!
“Never tell a loved one about and infidelity. Although one dislikes being deceived, one likes even less to be undeceived” – Nino de Lanclos
So why is Khun Farang is drawn to Thailand? At a basic level, it’s sex off course. The lure of good sex on demand with an attractive woman (or women) and with no adverse outcomes should not be underestimated. It helps that all this is available at a very reasonable price.
“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less” – Brendan Francis
At the risk of enraging your feminist readership, there is also an element of power. I sure that many Mongers do it simply because they can.
For the Newbies curiosity plays a part too. In their home countries street walkers are often dirty, dishevelled, alcoholic and drug addicted – working to finance their habits. As such, they are about as alluring as a swim in an open sewer! However, in Thailand there are beauties on show and available who are in a completely different league. I’m sure many are tempted to indulge themselves in Thailand who would never consider doing so in Farangland. Incidentally, I’ve never understood how some of the skanky women to be found selling their wares on the Beach Road in Pattaya ever find customers. Perhaps there are punters out there who really hate themselves and just need to be punished!
Thailand also affords an opportunity of meeting a girl in a non-threatening environment. You may if you choose either approach or be approached by a freelancer in a place like the Hard Rock cafe. Unlike the meat market of the Bar Beer, a venue like this falls well within the comfort zone of most visitors. Finding female company in such an establishment may feel more like pulling than securing the services of a hooker. It is probably true to say that many Newbies meeting a girl in this way won’t initially realise that she is a working girl.
Finally, there is the girlfriend experience, which probably seals the deal for many. Whereas the hardcore Monger is just looking for sex, there are others out these looking for female company within a quasi relationship, where sex is just one element. Some girls are able to bring to the table a heady mixture of attentiveness and fun almost irresistible to all but those with the hardest hearts.
There has been much discussion within Stickman’s forum as to whether Khun Farang is exploiting the bargirl, or whether the bargirl exploits Khun Farang. In answer to this, I would say that it is a mutual agreement between two adults, potentially beneficial to both. The golden rule to remember here is it’s is all about the money!
“Sex is work” – Andy Warhol
“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz S380SL convertible” – P J O’Rourke
When delivering her introductory speech to a new group of tourists, my wife always gave the following advice to any single men – “let the girl break your heart, but not your wallet”! It would invariably raise a laugh, but is oh so true. Those Newbies enjoying their first GFE are probably the most vulnerable, but really nobody should be so naive that they end up subsidising the sick buffalo.
From a bargirl’s perspective, it is certainly true that prolonged exposure to the bar scene can be corrosive. There is also a loss of status in becoming a prostitute, even for an Isaan farm girl. For this reason many parents either don’t know, or pretend not to know the true nature of their daughter’s occupation. The clever girls may work for a few years and then either retire back to their villages with most of their earnings intact, or make a good marriage with Khun Farang. If they return to their villages with means, then any lost status can be quickly retrieved, and may even be enhanced according to a formula based on a direct relationship with the size of their bank balance. When we were first married, my wife used to point out the occasional red roofed (not quite sure why the roof colour is significant) modern house in a rural setting, which she believed had been financed through the proceeds of the bar industry. In reality it is probably true to say that most bargirls are not so fortunate, with the spoils of their labour being frittered away by deadbeat Thai husbands / boyfriends, and, or, squandered through drinking and gambling. An uneducated Thai girl has few options available to her if she wishes to earn a decent living. At best the bar scene provides an opportunity to transform her life and that of her family, at worst it destroys her!
Turning now to Thai attitudes to sex, it is probably true to say they wouldn’t understand the moral dilemma faced by Khun Farang and his compatriots. Many married Thais have girlfriends, or Mia Noi’s if they can afford them. It is also not uncommon for quite elderly married Thai men to have much younger girlfriends. I have personally born witness to such relationships. I don’t know what the financial protocol is, if any. In any case this is not important. What is significant is that Thai’s do not find it unusual or unacceptable for older men to be with much younger women, so why should Khun Farang beat up on himself (or allow others to do so), for the exact same thing?
“When in Rome, do as the Roman do” – St Ambrose
What is not acceptable is to discuss such things openly, especially where loss of face may be involved. Also, it is expected that Thai people will conduct such relationships with discretion by not drawing attention to what they are up to. Public displays of affection are to be avoided. Thailand even provides its citizens with a purpose built type of motel, where illicit relationships may be prosecuted away from prying eyes. Each room has a single adjoining garage, but no windows. Arriving guests drive straight into the garage, at which point a member of staff will immediately close the curtains, thus concealing both the car and occupants from view. I have been shown around one of these Thai knocking shops by the proud owner. They even have plastic sheets on the bed – classy! Khun Farang should also be aware that the domestic Thai sex industry (Thai prostitutes servicing Thai’s), is many times larger than that supporting the foreign market.
“It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses” – Mrs Patrick Campbell
Thai women, even bargirls, can get very jealous if they suspect their husband or boyfriend is cheating on them. There have been documented cases of Thai women slighted in this way retaliating by severing their man’s member with a knife. Be careful out there! Off course they may also have a Gig of their own, but that is another matter.
Although I stated at the beginning of this submission that I wasn’t going to do religion, I shall end with a couple of religious quotes.
“Lord give me chastity – but not yet” – Saint Augustine
“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant” – Henry Miller
Have fun, and if you are going to party then don’t forget to wear your party hat!
I like the way you tied this in with all the quotes, very nice craftsmanship indeed.