I can see a flurry of activity ahead as all the Stickbloggers arm themselves and ready up for war with a 23 year old girl whose take on how life ought to be was somewhat shattered at the tender age of 16.
Now of course while no one likes to be called a loser it might be worth taking a few things into consideration in replying to this submission.
Firstly, what is the mindset of women in this age from roughly 15 – 25, let's say. They have moved from Harry Potter or the pony club shows into things like the Twilight series. Without having actually seen any of these movies (they weren’t made for 50 year old men), I believe the plot is pretty basic and involves a few key elements. The first is that the male characters must be super hot and I have actually witnessed young girls jumping up and down on the spot almost wetting themselves with excitement about just how hot these boys are. Note that as well. They are boys in the same age group that they long for and that leave them lying awake at night having sweet dreams of attaining such hot guys. The second main theme is that the boys are fighting over the main female character who is, guess what, a teenage girl. The boys adore her, fawn over her, protect her, fight over her and do all in their power to meet any and all of her needs. Even grown women will tell you they have no problem identifying and responding to this fantasy. The third prominent factor is that the boys have a dark side (a werewolf and a Dracula I believe, hot ones though). This taps into another standard female fantasy that runs also through every Mills and Boon story ever published where the idea is that the female is, or soon will be, able to tame the savage beast that lies within the male psyche. Our newest writer also reveals such fantasies in her reference to the ex male model she knew who gets lots of girls. One would assume he was hot.
Now we can’t argue with such widespread and common social desires in young (and increasingly old) women and I am referring to the cougar phenomenon. It just is and the marketers exploit it wherever possible. One destructive side of the obsession with hotness and the tame the bad boy theme are the countless numbers of young women left high and dry and barefoot and pregnant by these hot guys who do not in actuality have good characters. With all these girls throwing themselves at them nor are they likely to develop them, not at least in any relation to securing a woman or girl. In fact one might suggest that many of them develop respect for women issues (unlike in the books and movies). A second element that works against them is all those nice (but not hot) guys that finish last. Years of this go on and the next generation of sex tourists is being nurtured into maturity.
Still there is that stinging question of me being a loser. Well again this is mostly understandable simply on the basis of age. I mean it isn’t just her with these ideas. How many of us western men would really want our daughters in this age bracket hooking up with guys potentially on the verge of a heart attack. So on many of these points I think we should show the young lady some respect. She is only being completely normal and in line with the thinking of her generation and culture. Gets a bit hot headed and is obviously angry about it but the insistence that we are all losers is a dead giveaway that seeing older men with younger women is a threat to her security in some form. Threats tend to get us worked up whether they are real or perceived.
Now I still have an issue with being called a loser and for several reasons. Firstly, so many of us have been the very men who put the roofs over the heads of these girls, paid for their education, watched what they wore when they went out looking for hot, sweet-talking bad guys who we knew might tell their mates a very different story to what they were telling the young impressionable girls. I won’t get into the alimony issue here but it lurks in the background for many men. Where would they be without us losers. Mum's latest toy boy might be hot but don’t ask him to borrow the car or for your petrol money, honey (hope you don’t mind me calling you honey).
Yes I also have had some loser qualities along the way as well. It happens, and I think it is a truism to say that no one is perfect. I have been to Thailand with both my daughters separately when in their early twenties and they have even experienced what she talks about and heard me having to explain that… no we need two beds… not one. They thought it was kinda funny and certainly grasped why I might like the place. We all like attention. Naturally I left the loser behavior till they had departed the country on their way elsewhere but then neither did I parade western women in front of them either after their parents separated. Do they see me as a loser? No: they love me even in spite of my faults and going to Thailand is not really seen as one of them.
I must also give the young lady credit for much of what she says is true and we ourselves constantly harangue each other for our lapses into certain stupidities related to falling in love and lust with people of ‘poor’ character. It’s been said often enough and won’t repeat the old same old same old that’s not different. Water finds its own level seems to sum it up.
I think my ultimate thesis here is that perhaps we losers and these teenage girls / young women actually have more in common than might be first apparent. Take the original themes I mentioned from the Twilight series. Isn’t it great to have hot women fighting over us, isn’t it a beguiling fantasy that we might rescue them from their lives of prostitution and their bad man, no good Thai boyfriends and finally that we may tame their dark sides and turn them into the mothers and good girls they tell us so often they long to be.
On a harsher note, there is some life experience yet to be had by this young lady. She talks of love as one would expect but perhaps has not yet sufficiently had enough of ..well… disappointment .. I might take some lines from the great Leonard Cohen about love
There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
Have a nice day losers (and young western women)
I am totally comfortable with the girl's thoughts, which are probably par for the course for her age group. What annoyed me was that she was purporting knowledge of things she had not seen, merely been told about by people who had a vested interest to present those ideas in a certain (and not necessarily accurate) way.